So you know how windy it was this morning, Miss Throckmeyer? I'm getting to school just as you got out of your car. I saw ten dollars fall from your purse and blow away. I ran down the street to get it. I dropped my paper and it blew into the storm drain. Anyway, here's your ten dollars, Miss Throckmeyer. I bet you didn't even know you lost it! I promise I'll turn my paper in tomorrow.

Following consultation with my alternate personalities, we came to the group consensus that the best synthesis of reality was to completely avoid the discussion because it created a great deal of stress for everyone involved considering that when the assignment in question was accepted, it was done by the least sane of us all.

I was just getting ready to print my presentation when the Earth’s polarity shifted. The resulting magnetic field erased all the information in my hard drive. I was going to retype it, but I don’t know how to load the paper in the typewriter and the world wide panic made it too risky to go fetch my Grandpa to show me how. I will try again tomorrow when order has been restored.

I’ve been doing my homework on computer at the church because I can’t get my parents off the one at home. Father John lets me use his anytime, he’s really nice. Anyway, I was just about to print and all the sudden the place was swarming with cops. They took Father John, his computer and a whole bunch of tapes. I told them my homework was on there but they wouldn’t let me near it.

"Here's the thing. I was in the middle of question seven and...well nature calls. When I get back, it's gone. I looked everywhere, I really did. When I finally find it, in the attic, I trip and hit my head on a chair. Then the door closed behind me.
I was up there for hours, when finally the floor breaks under me and I land on the ground below and broke my arm. The ambulace came to pick me up, but exploded and made a big hole on the front street.
That's why my homework isn't done...Did I mention that I was on fire the whole time?"

Yesterday my dad came home from Las Vegas where he had been attending a magic convention. He brought me back an intriguing pen, which I used for my homework. But when I brought the paper out of my backpack today, there was nothing on it! I then realized the pen I had used was a disappearing-ink pen from the magic convention, and all my hard work had disappeared. I told Mrs. Penurious my story, but she only laughed.

I couldn’t bring my homework today because, you know, I’m a pre-teen and my hormones, like, drive me totally mad sometimes and, like, yesterday my homework was finished, you know, but my hormones decided to rule me, so I set the house on fire, which means my essay burned and I tried to take if out with me but mom told me to hurry, you know, so can I bring my homework some other day?

I tried to get away but my mother got a new digital camera. She hauled me all over town shooting contest photos for some web site. When at long last we got home, I made a run for my school book. When she saw the colors on the book cover she took it for more photos. While waiting I fell asleep. I have the photos for proof see the attached CD.

After spending 10 minutes meditating and checking with my inner “higher being”, we concluded that in the metaphysical world I had already completed the assignment and therefore, to do it in the physical world was redundant.

I was about to print it out but my computer became obsolete.