Hi. Mister_IQ here. Please leave only one message at the beep. Not two. Not three. One. Duplicate messages will be deleted. I will respond to the best messages first. That means your message should remain anonymous until after it is returned. Please do not leave your name and number.

Hi, you've reached Galoot's voicemail, and that's all you'll reach. You can leave a message, but it won't help. My phone's been cut off since 2004. If you'd like me to get back to you, please send $236.27 to Bell Canada. Thanks.

Hello. You've reached the voice mail box of Rob_Church. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you scream obscenities into the mouthpiece while stabbing someone weaker than you, you might impress me enough to call you back. Thanks, and have a keen day!

Thank you for calling, this is hbomb, representing the Worth1000 administrators.

It has come to our attention that certain members have been prank calling us at odd hours of the night. This will no longer be tolerated.

You cannot leave a message after the beep, because this voicemail has been locked.

Have a nice day.

If you have finally obtained the blood of 144 virgins, press one now.
If you’ve got some weed, press two now.
If your itty-bitty kitty needs the bestest tummy rub, press three now.
Or- just go screw yourself and leave a message for rob after the screams of sweet agony.

Yo whassup? This is Latty,
I can't come to the phone right now because I'm grounded.
I spent too much time chopping and chatting instead of doing my homework, so please leave a message and I'll call you back after I get my next report card... maybe.
(beeep)

Arsi here. I didn't answer my phone because the sound of your voice makes my skin crawl. Don't leave me a message as I don't want to talk to you anyway. In fact, do us both a favor and lose my number.

There is no beep, so don't bother waiting. Go away.

"Hey man, only the 'cool kids' can hear this voicemail recording. If that includes you, leave a message for Bevissimo at the tone."

"Hello. This voicemail system is currently running Linux. You are now being fingered, please stand by...

...

Fingering successful! Your full name and phone number have been logged and saved. Galoot will return your call at his earliest convenience."

*click*

Is it on?

I don’t know, just start talking.

I thought you were first? Are you lost again?

Honey, you’re Lost-

No, I caught the Flu!

The light’s blinking, what does that mean?

Maybe it’s on now, ready?

“If you’re looking for Lost or want the Flu – “

*beep*