The address you are asking for
Is 404, it is no more
Apologies, you didn't score
But nothingness behind this door

I've served the web in many days
Helped folks of every class and race
From one-timers who go their ways
To he who likes this place and stays

But what I was to show to you
If only your request went through
Is not the page I've sent you to
There was no better thing to do

I'm stumped, I readily admit
I'm at the ending of my wit
I've searched and searched, but where I sit
I just can't see my finding it

"Where did it go?" I'm sure you ask
"Could finding it be such a task?"
But there's no genie in this flask
A mere machine behind this mask

You plead and pray, to no avail
You promise me the holy grail
If only I will cease to fail
To find the page you try to hail

Aloud you say with zeal and zest
"Almighty, grant me this request
I need it, this is not in jest
So fix it please! You are the best."

Don't get your undies in a knot
Almighty - that I know I'm not
I know my place, accept my lot
And have a thing here worth a shot

I've got some friends I'll send you to
Who help with tasks which I can't do
Their service I suggest to you:
Try searching Google or Yahoo

I'm sorry, but I deleted that file by mistake. You'd think that would be a minor mistake for a guy in the Information Systems Department like me. But apparently it was deemed a heinous act of irreconcilable incompetence by our CEO, Mr James Whitmore Phillips, so he fired me.

This issue can be taken up with Mr Phillips at his office phone (734) 555-0134, at his home address of 135 Cranston Ave, Dearborn, Maryland 18187, or his personal cell phone at (734) 411-8037.

Donations to Mr Phillips to help see him through this black hour can be deposited into his offshore tax-evading bank account at branch number 0414012 account number 018392412, password "JWP+KJ". If the bank, or anyone else for that matter really, requests his social security number it is 700-40-1987, and that of his wife of 23 years, Mrs Mary Jean Phillips, is 996-52-1871.

Any further questions can be directed to his secretary/mistress, Miss Kelly Jenkins, at

    (734) 555-0100.

I apologize for any inconvenience you experienced due to this missing file, but hope you found this information helpful.

Of course, this really depends on whether you're a "half-glass-full" or a "half-glass-empty" person.

Please consider the following:

*What if your first thought is to simply check the address bar to make sure that you didn't make some sort of a typographical error? Or if say, you clicked an established link in your favorites file and you see this 404 page and you immediately think that the page that you're looking for is simply down for maintenance?
Well, then you're an optimist.

*But what if conversely, you see this 404 page and you start cursing your service provider for routing you through a porta-potty in Nepal, or you start having visions of the owner of the site unable to pay his bandwidth charge after being beaten to a bloody pulp by loan sharks? Perhaps you see him butt-naked and shuffling around Las Vegas wearing only a barrel and suspenders?
Well, then you're clearly a pessimist.

*Click the Back button to try another link.

*Click Search to look for information on the Internet.

*Open http://www.Lao-tzu.org/ , and bear in mind that "a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

Can anything truly not be found, or are not all answers simply sleeping within us?

This page cannot be displayed because you’ve tried clicking on a broken link, which isn’t the best thing to do.

The page is probably forever unavailable. The Website might be experiencing clicking difficulties, or you may need to adjust your chair a little bit.

Please click all of the following:
- Click the Reclick button, or do the sensible thing and look up another website.

- If you typed the address in the address bar, don’t bother typing it again because it will never work.

- To check your conclicktion clickings, click the Clickets menu, and then Interclick Operations. On the Conclicktions tab, click Clickings. The clickings should match those set by your local area netclick (LAN) adminisclicker or Interclick service poodle (ISP)

- If your Netclick Adminisclicker has enabled it, Microclick Wonderclicks can examine your netclick and autoclickally discover netclick conclicktion clickings. Click “Defect Netclick Clickings”

- Some sites require 128-click conclicktion security. Click the Helpless menu then click “About Interclick Exclicker” to determine what strength security you have enclicked. Then click 150 times to build up your clicking muscles.

- If you are trying to click a secure site, click back to the previous step for another session of clicking muscle clicking exercise. More clicking strength may be required. Double-clicking works doubly well.

- Click the BackClick button to try another link which isn’t broken.

- Click this "Clicklink" to download a better clicking browser.

Interclick Exclicker. Sometimes it actually works.

Welcome! You've arrived in Problemville.

Twenty of our most intelligent, or rather, least mentally challenged monkeys have been dispatched in search of your missing file. We'll try to get it back to you with the least amount of poo stains possible.

In case our monkeys are unable to find your file, we'll put them in our special monkey office and have them try to recreate it as close as possible, using the most modern and sophisticated typewriters available.

-------------------------------------

Meanwhile, please enjoy our Problemville facilities:

-Our luxurious bar. Getting drunk again might help you remember the correct file address you entered on a previous occasion.

-The sheriff's office, where you can file a 'missing file report', in case you suspect the monkeys have abducted your file.

-Our tropical garden. In case you don't care about the file anymore and would just like to watch some monkeys wrestling.

Problemville, the most pleasant 404 experience since January 2007.(TM)

No, seriously: we won't! We're sick of it, and we're sick of YOU. Every day, "Boo-hoo! IE, fetch me my stocks. Fetch me my favorite news provider. Find me some dirt on my favorite celebrity, so I can sit around at my keyboard and dream that I have a shot with him/her. Why are you moving so SLOWLY? Waaah, waaah!"

Well get a life, you pathetic little ingrate. Go outside and throw the ol' horsehide around, or whatever it is you losers do on your spare time. Internet Explorer is CLOSED FOR THE DAY, baby! Internal critical peripheral proximal psychological spiritual celestial error, and we need to shut down.

Do you wanna send an error report?

Internet Explorer couldn't possibly care less.

404- Page found but you really don't want to go there.

The internet has gathered so much information that is has formed its own intelligence and is able to suggest sites more suitable to your tastes based on your past browsing habits.

The site you have requested is obviously too cerebral for you and you probably won't understand it anyway so you will be directed back to your usual viewing habits.

Enjoy your porn, perv!

Error #1387

Fiber optics, satellites, electric lines, telephone cables and gravity have failed. Your message is heading for nebula #30982358A and is irretrievable.

Like many entertainment icons, this Page's 15-minutes of fame has come and gone.

After a brief stint in the Betty Ford Rehab Clinic, this Page turned to Scientology and is now a shill in the Tom Cruise publicity network.

No forwarding address given.

Your page cannot be displayed due to holy taboo.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever site you were looking for was zapped off by God or some holy deity, because either it was offensive to him/her/it, or because he/she/it findes you distasteful.

To relocate the site, please do the following:

Go to http//:www.worth1000.com and start surfing aimlessly for funny pictures and laugh, because the deities won't hate you for that.
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Go back.
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Do nothing and stare at screen and hope the site shows up before you die of old age.

Thank you for reading.