Once upon a time, a few years ago, a beautiful young girl named Aurora fell into a deep, deep sleep. Her parents were very concerned and tried everything to wake her. They tried clapping hands and snapping fingers and banging on pots and pans, but Aurora just slept on.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Aurora’s parents became more and more heartbroken. Neither one of their jobs offered health insurance, and they could not afford to take their daughter to the hospital.

Then one day, when all hope seemed lost, a handsome young man knocked on their door.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Prince, and I’ve heard about your daughter’s mysterious illness,” the young man explained. “Would you mind if I came in and examined her?”

Aurora’s parents doubted the young man could help. They had never heard of a doctor making house calls, especially for free. They were desperate, though, and invited him in.

Dr. Prince took a small machine out of his medical bag. Gathering a drop of blood from Aurora’s finger, he carefully placed it into the strange device. After a few short seconds, he had his answer. “Why, her levels of kinase and serotonin are much too high!” he exclaimed.

He might have been speaking magic words for all Aurora’s parents knew. All they asked was whether the young doctor could wake her.

“I have just the thing,” he replied, reaching back into his medical bag. "A shot of Kinase Inhibitor and Serotonin Suppressor should do it.”

So saying, Dr. Prince leaned over and gave the sleeping beauty a KISS. Almost immediately, Aurora’s eyes opened wide, and she looked up happily at her hero.

Her real name was Isabelle, but her first client had christened her Goldilocks. This was not for her hair, which was black as jet, but for the assortment of chains and fasteners which glittered around every part of her body.

She was the best publicist in town. Everyone wanted to be on her client list. Today she was meeting with “Die drei Bären,” the latest Euro-pop group, at their manager’s home.

No one responded to her knock, but Goldilocks, who was not easily deterred, discovered an unlatched door into the kitchen from the pool deck. It did not seem that anyone was home, but there were amazing smells coming from the stove. Closer inspection revealed three saucepans containing fragrant concoctions.

Grabbing a bowl, she scooped chili from the first. The taste set her mouth aflame and she spit into the sink: “Too hot!” The second yielded beautiful saffron rice, but it had no flavor: “Too bland.” Finally, the third rewarded her with a savory, rich stew; so good that she ate it all.

Soporific from gorging, she wandered into the den to await the potential clients. The room held three overstuffed chaises. Goldilocks tested the first and almost smothered in the depths of its downy cushions: “Too soft.” The next one looked great but Goldilocks could feel the wood frame every time she moved: “Too hard.” Finally, the third was perfect. She quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Hours later the musicians returned and noticed immediately that their carefully prepared dishes had been disturbed – one pan was empty! Pondering this, they moved into the den where the noise of their arrival awoke Goldilocks with a start. They welcomed her warmly but after glancing at her watch, she ran out screaming, never to return. Goldilocks could not tolerate people who were late for appointments.

When Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear had returned from their meeting with PETA, as well as their update meeting from PAMAB (People Against the Mistreatment of Anthropomorphic Bears), they returned to find that their house was left open while someone had disabled the security alarm. Startled, they went to the breakfast table, where they had set out everything for their tea.

‘Who’s been after my Lucky Charms?’ said Daddy Bear
‘Who’s been after my Lucky Charms?’ said Mummy Bear.
‘Someone’s been after my Lucky Charms,’ bawled Baby Bear, ‘and took all the marshmallow pieces from it!’

The Bears then went over to the living room, where they were preparing to play on their Nintendo Wii. However, they were shocked by what they found.

‘Who’s been using my account on Wii Sports?’ said Daddy Bear.
‘Who’s been using my account on Wii Sports?’ said Mummy Bear.
‘Someone’s been using my account on Wii Sports,’ wailed Baby Bear, ‘and I’m no longer at Pro level in Bowling!’

Feeling that the probable intruder was still in the house Daddy Bear went and got his Colt 45, and they went upstairs to their bedroom, where they saw that their beds had been disturbed.

‘Who’s been sleeping in my bed?’ said Daddy Bear.
‘Who’s been sleeping in my bed?’ said Mummy Bear.

However, Baby Bear had a more worrying problem when he got to his bed.

‘Daddy, what are this blonde woman and her male friend doing in my bed?’

‘Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. The producers of the Simple Life called earlier, and we’ve been accepted for this series…

Once upon a time, last Thursday, Goldy ducked into a condo to escape the paparazzi. She was hungry and in the kitchen, so she looked around. She found the Sugar Bombs; too sweet, then the oats; too plain. Then she found the granola bars; just right, so she ate the box.

She wandered into the living room and checked out the furniture. She tried a huge soft recliner, too smothering, then the hard straight back chair, too rigid. Then she tried the inflatable chair; just right, but the air leaked out.

She went upstairs to check out the rest of the place. She found bedrooms. The first had a huge four-poster feather bed, too soft. The next had a board with a thin little mat on it, too hard. The last one had a little bed with a crazy quilt on it. She wrapped herself up in the quilt and fell asleep.

The Bears came home and found a mess in the kitchen.

“Someone’s been into my Sugar Bombs.” Growled Papa Bear.

“Someone’s been into my oats.” Said Mama Bear.

“Someone’s eaten all my granola bars!” Cried Junior

They went to the living room.

“Someone’s sat in my chair.” Growled Papa Bear.

“Someone’s sat in my chair.” Said Mama Bear.

“Someone’s let the air out of my chair!” Cried Junior.

They went upstairs.

“Someone’s messed up my bed.” Growled Papa Bear.

“Someone’s messed up my bed.” Said Mama Bear.

“There’s someone sleeping in my bed!” Cried Junior.

Goldy woke up and ran for the stairs, but Papa Bear caught her arm.

“We have a place for people like you.” He took her down to the basement.

There was a double bass, a guitar and drums.

“Lower?” Growled Papa Bear.

“Faster?” Said Mama Bear.

“Louder?” Cried Junior.

“Just right.” Said Goldy.