“There, on top of that rock.” The old man pointed out an old ruin with his cane. “That’s a big rock, and a bigger hill,” a young man replied with pessimism, “are you sure we will find what we are looking for?” “Just beneath the big dome, young one, you will find it there,” The old man said with a grin while stroking his long white beard, “you will find, however, that your armor will be rendered useless for what lies ahead.” “Thank you,” the second young man replied, also clad in battle gear, “we’ll be on our way now.” The old man sat down on a rocking chair, straightened out his magenta robes, and said in a soft voice, “Eternal life is not all that you think it is, young ones… for though the chalice you seek is filled to the brim with heaven’s tears, know that the golden cup, while pleasing to the eye, is not as magical as the broken rocks which give it safe haven.” “We are not interested in rocks, old man,” the first young man snapped, “and before we waste another moment of your precious time, we’ll be off.” The old man nodded, slowly got up from his chair, and walked inside his cottage.

The hill was no easy task for the young adventurers, for their many layers of armor weighed them down. They had been tested many times by war, the red animal, and their swords had seen many necks. They had adventured beyond the river that divided good and evil, and neither dragon nor giant could stop them. “Tell me, brother, what monsters are there to be slain on this hill?” the second young man asked the first, “Don’t be ridiculous,” the first young man replied quickly, “don’t you realize what the ruins on the rock contain? The very heavens have shed tears for the fate of man, for the death of their creation, and those tears lie in wait for only the bravest to drink, and so the brave shall live forever, according to the wisdom of all those divine… and to suggest it is unguarded is naïve.” “Brother, the gods exist for everyone; it was Avopia herself that granted you your bravado, and what if anyone could climb this hill? Yes it is steep, like the steep obstacles of life, yes it is long, mirroring life itself in this, and yes it is mysterious, again like all lives, all that lives can climb this hill, in fact I think the old man…” “Quiet! We are here.”

They had arrived; the ruins on the rock were colossal, old mosaics lay in pieces on the floor, tales of old faith remained painted on the walls, and the great dome lay right ahead of them, its light shining in a golden cup. “I shall sip it first,” the first young man told the second, “I am most faithful, and so it shall be me.” He took the cup, stirred its watery contents, and sipped from it. “And I shall go second, as is my place.” The second young man sipped from the cup also. “I feel no different, brother.” “Let us drink again.” And each brother took a second sip. “Nothing has happened; perhaps the change cannot be felt?” The second brother inquired to the first.

At that moment, a mosaic of what appeared to be an apple tree fell to pieces. “Brother, there is some writing here!” The first young man said to the second, “It says: Upon this rock I have built eternal life.” “There it is brother, reassurance at last; this is proof, for now we cannot die.” So the two warriors set off again to cross the river to fight more evils of the land.

The old man smiled to himself while warming himself by the fire, he had seen many warriors come this way, and none had ever listened to him, for though his legs ached with age and he walked with a cane, it had been he that filled the cup with water from a nearby well, and climbed the hill to place it atop the ruins. The writing was true, upon the rock there was eternal life, in the form a chapel made of stone. Eternal life has been promised from above, and so no water on earth can grant us unlimited youth. Each warrior that had sipped from the beautiful chalice had thought himself invincible from there on out, and thought himself protected by divine tears. No, for it is venom that the chalice holds, and all those who drink it are poisoned with arrogance. The old man laughed softly, he had been right, no armor the brothers possessed would be found useful for what lie ahead.

There once was a small village on a small river and the people that lived there worked hard in their fields and workshops. This is not to say they didn’t take the time to enjoy their simple life, for they did indeed whenever they could. The streets and marketplaces of the small village rang with laughter and friendly jibes from sunup to sundown. Sometimes longer, depending on how well the alehouse was stocked on that particular day.

Now it just so happens that this small village had its very own idiot. Most villages did, and this one was no exception. There was really nothing special about this idiot. He was no more or less foolish than the next idiot. Yet this idiot, whether through shrewdness or pure luck, stumbled upon the secret of the Free Lunch.

By “stumbled upon”, I mean, he literally stumbled upon the secret. This carefree idiot, known around the village as Pairee, came walking up the village main street and tripped over a cobblestone. Normally, tripping on a cobblestone is a minor stub of the toe, easily corrected. Pairee, however, was totally focused on chewing a peppermint leaf at the time so the little stumble quickly turned into a major commotion involving flailing legs and windmilling arms. Which all came to a sudden halt as Pairee ran headfirst into the hitching post outside the blacksmith’s stable.

Stunned and wobbling, the idiot backed into the blacksmith’s latest client who promptly kicked Pairee 10 feet through the air to land smack dab in the middle of the watering trough.

Pairee’s first thought was to check to make sure his peppermint wad was still firmly set between his jaws. The idiot’s second thought was a vague memory of not being able to swim. This immeadiately set the battered man to flopping and floundering about the trough.

If this had gone unnoticed, our story would end here. Unfortunately, a small pack of boys happened to see the whole performance and began to howl with laughter. A few of the more adventurous ones tried to mimic the idiot’s antics which brought on more laughter. One of the boy’s mother was at that moment exiting the village bakery and was pleasantly surprised to find that Pairee was so kind as to keep the children amused. As payment, she gave the sopping fool a half loaf of bread, a cheese wedge, and a pat on the cheek.

At this point, even an idiot can see the benefit of acting like a fool. Free food! From that moment on, Pairee began making a public fool of himself. As the crowds grew larger, merchants began to vie with one another to have Pairee act the fool in front of their shops and stalls. Others, who weren’t quite the idiot Pairee was, started to make bigger and more flamboyant fools of themselves in an effort to get a larger share of the fame and fortune in being an idiot.

Soon, people began to stop working in the fields and shops in order to spend their time watching the idiots or wondering what the idiots would do next. At last the town was filled up with two kinds of people; idiots and those who watched idiots. With no one working the fields or tending the flocks, food and other necessities began to get scarce.

Luckily, neighboring villages had heard about the amazing idiots in the small village by the small river. Soon the curious and the well-to-do began to travel to the small village just to see what unbelievably stupid things these idiots would do.

But the idiocy didn’t stop at the small village. Depending on whether you are a politician or a priest, you might call it a trend or a cult of idiots. Regardless, it began to spread. Soon there were idiots in all the villages. Some would do wild and crazy stunts, just hoping to survive long enough to get a free meal, while others would stand around and make profound statements of such supreme idiocy, the people would laugh and applaud hysterically. It didn’t really seem to matter what the idiots did, the people of the villages and cities all across the kingdom devoted their time and attention to these fools while the rest of the world watched. Yes, the other kingdoms watched this country of fools.

They watched and they waited.

The source for this fairy tale is Paris Hilton and the cultural obsession for idiots like her. Of course, you could plug in any group of fools here and it would still work.

There once was a king of a vast and powerful kingdom. His realm had been built up by his ancestors, including his father, who was king before him. The kingdom was generally looked at as benevolent by other kingdoms, though some chaffed under the edicts this kingdom put out.

One in particular was a foreign wizard, who through the years, had orchestrated a number of magical attacks meant to belittle or reduce the powerful kingdom’s influence over the kingdoms of his people. These attacks were usually minor in nature, though they did entail the damaging of the powerful kingdom’s conciliates, harm to its citizens abroad, and sometimes even direct attack on its military bases. These attacks drew reprisals, but they were half-hearted, and ineffectual at best, which emboldened the evil wizard.

Then one day, the wizard discovered a new magic, one that would allow his minions to do real damage inside the powerful kingdom itself. The magic worked, and in the end, two buildings were destroyed, one damaged, and thousands killed.

This of course infuriated the king and his subjects.

The wizard had taken refuge in a small kingdom full of fierce fighters. These fighters had just defeated the forces of another powerful kingdom to the north, and felt they could withstand an attack from anybody. The king’s minsters gave the rulers of this kingdom an ultimatum: Hand over the wizard, or be attacked. They refused.

Soon the sky was full of the powerful kingdom’s magical creatures, that could rain death from above, their archers roamed the land, and their chariots routed out the small kingdoms warriors. The rulers of the kingdom were soon defeated, but the crafty evil wizard had fled, and taken refuge in the mountains of the boarder, where he could not be easily found.

The king was not satisfied with the results. Looking around, he identified three other kingdoms that were potential problems. All three were developing fiersome magical weapons, and all three were not friends of his kingdom.

He then decreed that his kingdom had the right to attack those kingdoms before his was attacked. This did not sit well with other kingdoms. Was he not behaving the way the rulers that attacked him behaved?

The king was resolute however. There would never be another attack of the kind that had happened. He gave an ultimatum to the first kingdom: Divest yourself of magical weapons or face the consequences.

One of his senior advisors counseled him in private.

Sire, you must work with the other kingdoms. The ruler you gave the ultimatum to has few friends, he has angered all his neighbor’s with his constant warring, and he has used his magical weapons on his own people. Even given that, the other kingdoms will want to be part of the decision.

If you do decide to attack alone, there are three things you must remember. One, bring overwhelming forces. Two, define what you want them to accomplish. Three, and most important, know how you are going to end the war.

“Our goals are to depose the evil ruler, find and destroy his stockpile of magical weapons, and teach his subjects how to be governed as we are”, the king said.

The advisor wrote down his suggested military requirements for the task. “That last part bothers me sire. What happens if they refused to be governed that way?”

“They will have no choice.” the king said, and dismissed him.

The king showed what the advisor had written to he rest of his advisors. The minister of armies in particular was dismissive. “We have the most magical creatures of the skies, archers that shoot further than anybody else’s, and the strongest chariots. Why do we need all this extra equipment?”

Other advisors felt that the other kingdoms were too weak of will to act properly, and the kingdom could handle this problem itself if necessary.

It came to another war. The evil leader was quickly deposed, and hung by his own people for his crimes. The magical weapons were searched for, but never found, but the kingdom could not be ruled. Its people revolted against everything, including themselves, and the army was losing archers, and chariots and magical sky creatures by the day. It was soon discovered that there were shortages of everything, food for the magical creatures, wheels for the chariots, arrows for the archers. It appeared a company one of the advisors had recommended was taking the gold of the kingdom, and giving nothing in return.

The king eventually had to abdicate in shame, never really understanding what he had done wrong, and admitting no fault. The royal treasury was bankrupt, the armies were tied down, short of parts and replacements, and suppressing a rebellion. The other kingdoms had completed their quests for their own magical weapons.

The scrolls are vague about what happened next, but there is talk in them of the kingdom being ruled by a witch.