“It is so romantic, you bringing me here to where we first met.”

“How many people can say they met at the circus?”

“You are such a clown!”

“The only thing I love more than laughing is you.”

“Oh, you…”

STEP RIGHT UP! SEE THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD. BE AMAZED AT THE WORLD’S TALLEST MAN. “

“Remember, that’s where we met.”

“How could I forget? You stood on my toe, and I dropped my popcorn. You bought me the biggest bucket of popcorn that I had ever seen to replace it. I never laughed so hard in my life.”

“I have a confession to make. I stepped on your foot on purpose.”

”No!”

“Yes! You were so beautiful I couldn’t think of any other way of getting an excuse to talk to you. I was in love. I was desperate.”

“I have a confession, too. It wasn’t my popcorn.”

“No!”

“No really. I was holding it for a friend. I fell in love with you when I saw you coming with that huge bucket of popcorn. I forgot all about my friends and spent the rest of the day with you.”

STEP RIGHT UP! SEE GERALD THE TRAVELLING GNOME. SEE HIM ENDURE DANGER WITH POISE AND APLOMB!

“To think that we almost didn’t make it.”

“I was better at laughing than working. It took almost losing you to learn how to work too.”

“I was afraid. I thought life had to be serious. It broke my heart to watch the laughter leaving you.”

“So, there I was serious and hardworking moving paper from Slot A to File B - the very picture of respectability. You walked in wearing that clown suit and red nose and carrying that huge bucket of popcorn. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.”

“I was terrified. I’d never done anything like that before. You were always the funny one, but I had to do something to bring back the man I loved.”

“It is a good thing my boss liked popcorn.”

STEP RIGHT UP! WATCH THE DAREDEVIL CHEAT DEATH! THRILL TO HIS COURAGE, MARVEL AT HIS LUCK.

“There was another time I almost lost you. I never thought my wife would go bald before I did.”

“I was never so scared, but you were always there.”

“I was terrified. The kids and I needed you.”

“When you and the kids came to the hospital, all dressed as clowns, I knew I was going to live.”

“They wouldn’t allow us to bring popcorn.”

“What you brought was better.”

“It was just us.”

“That was better.”

“Here, put this on.”

“What is this? What are you up to?”

”Put it on. See I have one too.”

STEP RIGHT UP! SEE THE WORLD’S OLDEST MARRIED CLOWNS!”

“You didn’t!”

“I did. The whole family is here. They are there waiting for us.”

“I love you, you clown.”

“I love you too. Let’s go.”

“Wait! Is my nose on straight?”

“It’s almost showtime! Are you ready, Sheila?”

“I don’t know, Frank. I’m not feeling up to performing today.”

“Why not? And stop pacing like that. It’s making me nervous.”

“I just have a lot on my mind lately. I really think we need to talk.”

“Well, we can talk later. I can hear the clowns all piling back into their car. That means we’re on in three minutes!”

“Frank, I... I want a divorce.”

“You… what?! Why?”

“I just don’t think that things have been the same between us ever since Donna started working with us.”

“Sheila, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, Frank. Do you think I don’t notice the way you jump through hoops for her?”

“I have to, Sheila! That’s part of my job!”

“Well, you don’t have to be so enthusiastic about it.”

“It’s called ‘showmanship’. You give people what they want and you get a little back in return. That’s how the entertainment business works.”

“Don’t you lecture me about the business! I’ve been doing this just as long as you have.”

“But that’s why I don’t understand this sudden resentment against Donna. I thought we were professionals.”

“Are you accusing me of being unprofessional?”

“Sheila, I’m just saying...”

“Because that’s really funny coming from you, Frank, especially after what you did to Robert.”

“Hey, what I did to ‘The Great Roberto’ was completely justified after I saw what you two were doing.”

“We were practicing the act, Frank.”

“I didn’t like the way he was touching you! And that disgusting thing you did with your mouth… you had no business getting that intimate with him!”

“So you had to chase him away.”

“Heh. I still remember the look on his face when I took a swipe at him.”

“It’s not funny, Frank! I swear, sometimes I think you did it just so Donna would replace him, so you could spend more time with her. You knew that she’d step up to take Robert’s place when he left.”

“Of course she would. She was his assistant.”

“So you admit it?”

“The only thing I admit, Sheila, is that I love you more than anything.”

“Do you, Frank? Do you really?”

“Yes. And to prove it, when Donna asks me to jump through the flaming hoop today, I’ll flat out refuse. I’ll even knock her down, if you want. I don’t care if I’m locked up behind bars for the rest of my life because of it. That’s how much I love you.”

“Oh, Frank. That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me!”

“I mean it, Sheila. Every word.”

“And Frank... I’m sorry I let Robert stick his head in my mouth. And you don’t have to knock Donna down. Maybe you could just growl at her and swat her in the face with your tail?”

“You got it, babe. A good lion has too much pride to ignore his lioness.”

Two men, Mike and James, stand beside each other in the dark. An enthusiastic voice booms in the background of the entire scene.

Mike: I can’t go on.

James: What are you talking about? You have to go on.

Mike: I can’t.

(a short period of silence between them)

James: What have I told you?

Mike: I know... I should’ve listened.

James: Damn right you should have.

Mike: But I didn’t, and now... (almost vomits)

James: I don’t want to hear it, Mike. You’re going on in... (glances at watch) five minutes.

Mike: I’m sick, can’t you see that?

James: I can. But you’re going to have to get through it.

Mike: I could die!

James: That ain’t my problem, buddy. It’s yours. I’ve warned you before...

Mike: I didn’t have any more than they did.

James: And look at them. (points to a few figures off screen) They’re falling all over themselves, walking all goofy-like; acting like fools. But, they’re doing their job.

(a moment of silence between them)

Mike: Come on, let me sit this one out.

James: You’re not sitting this out. I put your picture on the flyers. Your name is in big bold print; people are expecting to see you.

Mike: Will you at least put the net up?

[bJames: That’s not part of the act, Mike.
Mike: You’ve got to be kidding me!

James: I specifically warned you about drinking with the clowns. They can drink all night, get up and do their jobs. Hell, they drink during the show for all anyone knows. But you... you walk a tightrope for crying out loud!

Mike: That’s exactly why I shouldn’t go on!

James: It’s exactly why you should have issued some self-control. Now... (glancing at his watch) you got about two minutes.

Mike: What about Walt? He can go up there.

James: Walt can’t go up there, are you nuts?!

Mike: He’s made it across before.

James: Twice, and only in practice.

Mike: He has a better shot today than I do.

James: You’re a miserable wretch, you know that?

Mike: You’re sending me to my death!

James: You’re suggesting Walt goes up there?! You worthless nobody. You’re going up, dammit. Now quit your griping and get ready or so help me I’ll bury you beneath the tent!

(a few moments of silence pass between them, the announcer calls out a name, James steps forward and a spotlight finds him and he walks off screen)

(a boy of about six tugs on James’ sleeve)

Boy: Is my dad going to be okay up there, Mr. Witt?

James: I hope so, Walt. I hope so...

-So anyway, this guy comes in and…oh, hold on…what is it pumpkin?

-The clowns, Daddy! The clowns!

-Yes, not now honey. So this guy comes in like he owns the place, reckoned he was friends with old man Marty and…just a sec…yes?

-Daddy! The clowns!

-I heard you, princess, but Daddy is on the phone to a very important business client, so finish your fairy floss, and I will be ready for you to show me the clowns in two minutes.

-Okay, Daddy.

-Yeah, so he reckoned he’s been best mates with old man Marty for donkey’s years, so he wants a discount and he wants individual, personal service and blah, blah, blah, and I’m thinking, mate! You’re a bloke! This is a hardware store! No one is going to hold your hand and lead you around the joint pointing out, “Now that one’s called a flathead, and this one is called a Phillips.” You know what I mean? Yeah, hey, just a second…yes…darling…no, not you boofhead…what is it baby?

-Daddy, the clowns are…

-Look, angel, I told you that Daddy needs to talk on the phone. I told you it was important. I told you I would be a couple of minutes. Where is your fairy floss?

-I ate it.

-Good girl. Now…look the show is starting. Hold on sweetie…yeah mate, hang on two shakes, I’ve gotta find my seats. Nah, I’m at the circus with Sophie. Yeah I know. Just hang on…Sophie, go sit there, that one with the 8 on it, that’s your seat, put Daddy’s jacket on the one with the 7, that’s my seat, and I will say goodbye to this business client, and I will be right back. You stay here, you here? Look mate, I’ve gotta go. So…hang on…Baz did what? No way! How did Marty take it? Yeah, I asked Marty, he said he’d never even seen this guy before.

-Daddy the clowns!

-No, I didn’t believe it for a second, but what I really can’t believe is that Baz gave him thirty percent off! I mean, there were other customers in the place and even they could tell this dude was off his face.

-Daddy…the…clowns…are…

-Just a minute Sophie! Ugh, look I really gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow night…yeah…eight o’clock kickoff. Ya reckon? What about putting your money where your mouth is? What…in the first half…your dreaming! No worries, see you then! All right, later. All right, the clowns the clowns the clowns, what are the funny clowns doing Sophie…Sophie? Hey, did you see where my daughter went?

-Sorry, man. What was she wearing?

-Um, it was, um, pink, a pink shirt with, like, jeans or something. Sophie!

-Roll up! Roll up! Are you ready for a world between worlds, the pathway to the stars of another galaxy, a place where smoke mirrors disappear before your very eyes, where men and women and children are brave enough to lie in a lion’s mouth…

-Sophie!

-…Where clowns are not…as…they…seem…

-Sophie!

"It's wrong."

"What are you talking about, son?"

"Our treatment of those animals. It's not right."

"Look, Leo, think about it this way. By training them, we keep them from reverting to their wild behaviors. Their life is easier now. I'm telling you, we're doing them a favor."

"We're keeping them trained by jumping through flaming hoops when they tell us to?"

"Yes. We maintain the illusion that they're telling us what to do. We allow them to think that they are civilized, and that we are wild."

"When it's really the other way around?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that sort of lying?"

"Yes."

"I thought lying was a bad thing."

"Usually."

"I hate behaving for them!"

"I know, son. It is hard, isn't it? But you do it very well."

"Tell me again. Why don't we just eat them?"

"Leo, it's very complicated. They have skills that will help us all, if we can keep them from killing each other. Most of us believe that the best way for us to do that is to let them think that they are in control."

"But I don't agree. I say it's wrong. It's just not right for us to let them treat us that way. We shouldn't deceive them into believing that they are really taming us. We should just eat them."

"They don't taste very good. Besides, Leo, you can't just eat the trainer. The rest of them will kill you."

"Would they kill you if you ate one?"

"Yes. They're really very afraid of us."

"Then we should do something. If only for the sake of the cattle."

"The cattle?"

"That's what they feed us."

"I know that, son. But we'd eat cattle even if were free in the wild!"

"But the cattle would be free, too. And we wouldn't eat all of them. As it is now, they pen up the cattle and none of them survive."

"That's true."

"So, when we let them feed cattle to us, we're partly responsible."

"So cattle deserve better?"

"Absolutely, Dad! Who are we to support their being kept captive for our convenience?"

"So, eating humans is an act of reason, and eating cattle is immoral?"

"I don't know, dad. It's confusing when you put it that way."

"Actually, the cattle are helping us out in lots of ways. They're doing it voluntarily. Everybody is in on the plan except the humans. I know it's complicated, but think about it some more, son. There's plenty of time. We can talk again after the performance. Just promise me you won't do anything rash."

"Aw, dad. Just a nibble?"

"Leo!"

"Okay, dad, I promise. Except that I have to warn you, if he uses that whip on me, I can't be held responsible for the consequences."

"They don't ever use the whip on you. They just make loud noises with it. Act afraid, like we taught you. You'll do fine. And remember, dinner is served afterwards."

"Cattle, right?"

"I'm afraid so."

Scene:
Office of Professor Horace Q Poncewaddle, ringmaster and Circus Impresario. Desk, two chairs, cabinets Poncewaddle is sitting at his desk looking at a business card.

Cast:
Professor Poncewaddle
Jeff Adams - Local Fire Marshal, Deadwood, SD.

Costume:
Poncewaddle: ringmaster costume, with red coat, top hat, white gloves.
Adams: Nondescript small-town clothes, bowler hat.

Act 1

Poncewaddle: (stares at card, sighs) Another yokel come to get his kickback. Well business has been good lately, about time I was dealt a couple of jokers.

Adams: (enters, Poncewaddle rises and motions Adams to a seat on the other side of the desk.)

Poncewaddle: Always happy to be of help to a hardworking public servant. So what gratuity does the town desire to help defray the costs of this important fire inspection?.

Adams: Are you trying to bribe me?

Poncewaddle: No, no, not at all. We are regularly called on to pay for this service.

Adams: Good. I take it your escape route documentation and fire-fighting plan are in order then.

Poncewaddle: (rummages around in cabinet) So tell me, how did you come to be a fire marshal?

Adams: I lost several family members to a fire a while back. I resolved to do something about it, and went off to study fire safety. After I graduated, I looked for a job. Most towns reserve this job for political hacks and the mayor’s relatives. This town was different. They had a bad fire which wiped out half the town, and they wanted to make sure it never happened again.

Poncewaddle: How’s the pay?

Adams (curtly): I don’t see where that is any of your business.

Poncewaddle (puts two large binders on the desk, and gets a whiskey bottle out from underneath, pouring two glasses) Would you care for some libation while we talk business?

Adams: I don’t drink on the job.

Poncewaddle: Neither do I. (sips from his glass) It is tea.

Adams: (sniffs glass warily, then tastes) Not bad. Why the whiskey bottle?

Poncewaddle: I have appearances to keep up. (indicates binders) That first binder is our general evacuation and firefighting plan. The second was created two days ago, and includes the modifications needed for this site. We take this seriously, too.

Adams: (looks over binders) I walked through the main tent on the way here, and there were no signs of these fire extinguishers.

Poncewaddle: (gets up, reaches behind a pole, picks up a fire extinguisher) They are not meant to be seen.

Adams: Appearances again?

Poncewaddle: Exactly, the yoke... er, citizens really don’t need to know. It would be bad for business.

Adams: And the letters refer to class?

Poncewaddle: Yes, most of what we deal with are wood fires, so most extinguishers are class A. We have a few B’s around the fuel supply.

Adams: (closes book) Professor, I enjoyed this, thanks. You can’t imagine what I uncover on these inspections.

Poncewaddle (removes gloves and reveals burn scarred hands) Yes I can son, yes I can.

Moonlight shone through the skylight of the Big Top, and a teenage girl sat high at the back of the seats filled by an audience during performing hours. The sparkling attire she wore amplified her solemnity.

‘Yo Digs, whatcha doin’ up there?’

A young man, older than the girl, strode up the steps to meet her.

‘My name isn’t ‘Digs’, Leo, it’s Nina. Not caught on yet?’

‘You’ll always be Digs to me darlin’. So what are you doin’ sittin’ all by yourself up here anyway?’

‘Is that any of your business? Besides, I think you know the answer anyway.’

‘Course it’s my business. And you’re right – I do know what you’re doin’. You’re thinkin’.’

‘I just wanted to get away from everyone.’

‘Do you know what? I reckon you think too much.’

She ignored the comment.

‘Do you know what day tomorrow is? It’s my birthday. I’ll have been on this planet for seventeen years, and I still don’t know who I am. What’s the point of me? I’m nearly seventeen and I don’t have a clue who I am!’

‘You’re still young, sweetheart.’

‘Time isn’t going to change how I feel. I don’t belong, Leo. I've got no friends, no family, I just don’t belong anywhere.’

‘Bull. Self-pity ain’t a nice feature in a girl, Digs. Take a look around. Whatcha see? A big ol’ empty tent surrounded by trailers. This has always been your home. And the people that perform here day in day out? They’re your God damn friends, they’re your God damn family. Everyone loves you, Digs, everyone. Don’t you go forgettin’ that.’

‘Leo?’

‘Yes Digs?’

‘I don’t love them.’

‘You’re a liar.’

‘Oh you think so do you? You think I haven’t tried telling myself that? Leo, I don’t have heart! I’ve never once felt love in my entire life, especially not for this pathetic circus. You’re blinded by love for the family that saved you from your former life. It’s a stinkin’ wreck and I got no love for it, or anything else. I hate this circus. I’m trapped in this prison and I hate it. And I’m scared, Leo. I’m so scared of waking up in this place day after day after day for the rest of my life. I’m so scared of dying here.’

‘I think you think too much, Digs. You don’t have to be here.’

‘I don’t know anything else.’

‘Then I reckon you ain’t scared of dying here, you’re scared of yourself, the unknown.’

‘Is that all you have to say? Haven’t I just insulted your family? No words of disappointment? Don’t you even have an opinion of what I’ve just told you? You’re a worthless, pitiful excuse for a human, Leo.’

The young woman made to leave, without looking back.

‘Nina?’

Despite the surprise of her real name being called, she did not look back.

‘You’ll always be Digs to me.’

Still walking away, she called:

‘Don’t you think I don’t know that?’

She carried on walking.

SCENE: - Backstage

Marina: Shush! I won’t hear it. That you my dear brother, who I love with all my heart, would accuse my darling Ivan of such a despicable act.

Aleksey: Marina, please hear me out. At least, at least before you step on the trapeze. Please for mama’s sake, please hear me out?

Marina: You have my ear, but make it quick.

Aleksey: I heard him last night, on mama’s life, I heard him. He was with the Persian; Jami. I heard them talking about insurance Marina. Life insurance! I know it pains you to hear it, but Ivan will kill you if you perform with him. Please Marina, please leave with me tonight. Ivan is dangerous.

Marina: Silence! Aleksey I can’t take it anymore. Ivan loves me; he loves me I know he does. I feel he does. I trust him with my heart and my life. Besides did you actually hear them mention my death?

Aleksey: No, but –

Marina: No, you didn’t, did you. You jumped to the worst case scenario like always Aleksey. You have to let go of what papa did to mama, he was a bad apple Aleksey, a bad apple. My Ivan is sweet, caring, gentle and most of all he loves me. Did you even consider that I asked him to get us BOTH extra life insurance, beyond the meagre tuppence we would get from the circus?

Aleksey: I didn’t know, but Marina. Marina you never saw his eyes last night, they seeped evil. I’d never seen evil before, but last night I saw it in his eyes. The fire flashed from his eyes amid the starry night, and I was petrified Marina, afraid. A greed beyond all others flooded his pale masculine face and I knew then, I knew then Marina that he was going to kill you. Please, please leave with me now. Please. Flee with me.

Marina: Aleksey, I love you but, you're mistaken. Ivan would never kill me, he loves me too much. Look here he comes now.(Enter Ivan) Aleksey I am touched really, but there is nothing to worry about. Ivan would never kill me, not tonight, not ever.

Ivan(Embraces Marina and kisses her on the forehead): My beautiful Marina, how wonderful you look tonight. Come we must prepare. (Pauses realising that Aleksey is present) Aleksey, my dear brother-in-law, how are you. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

Aleksey: I do not look LIKE anything Ivan, except that which I am. Right now, before me I see a banshee scream her warning; but not hearing it herself.

Marina: Not this again Aleksey. I told –

Stage Manager:(off-stage) Marina! Ivan! You’re on now.

Marina: We’ll continue this later Aleksey. Let’s go my love.

SCENE: - Arena

Marina and Ivan mount their perches and begin. The crowd gasps with excitement. Then they go for their Magnum Opus; Marina somersaults and Ivan catches her. The crowd’s tension shatters with relief.

Ivan: I love you Marina, forever. (Ivan releases Marina’s wrists)

Scene:
Clown Dressing Room

Characters:
Father (in costume)
Son (in street clothes)

Act 1

Father: (Looking in mirror) You are late. You are not going to have time to get into costume!

Son: I am not going to. I don’t want to be a clown.

Father: (Turns to Son) I see. (pause) So what brought this on?

Son: I want better than that.

Father: Do you want to leave the circus then?

Son: No, I just think I am suited for a better act.

Father: (Turns back to mirror) So what act do you see yourself in?

Son: I want to be a trapeze artist.

Father: You would want that. Does this have anything to do with a person called Ruth?

Son: (Blushes) Some. Not all. I have always admired trapeze artists. I have always wanted to be one. You have always given me the feeling we are not good enough to be anything but clowns.

Father: That is all I can do now if I want to stay with the circus. Do you know anything about your mother?

Son: Only that she was with the circus, too, and she died when I was around a year old. Nobody seems to want to talk about it.

Father: I imagine not. No, they would not want to talk about it at all.

Son: So what is the story?

Father: Her name was Katie. We were both trapeze artists. I had a rival for her by the name of Henry. I won out, he never got over it. Katie and I were married, you were born about a year later, and around 6 months after that, Katie wanted to go back to work.

Son: She wasn’t ready?

Father: She was ready all right. Henry was not. He still held a grudge. You cannot afford that on the trapeze. One day during the act, he was supposed to pass her to me. She was the flyer of course; I was the catcher. He deliberately threw her so I would miss. He threw her about one foot too low. I could not catch her.

Son: He deliberately killed her!

Father: Scare her and make me look stupid. His aim was worse than he thought; she missed the safety net and broke her neck.

Son: (Darkening with rage) Where is he now?

Father: Dead. He committed suicide shortly afterward. He was immediately drummed out of the circus of course, and there was a murder investigation. Anyway, he couldn’t handle what he had done, and he hung himself.

Son: (Silently lost in own thoughts)

Father: Anyway, that is why I am a clown. You have to be able to smile to entertain and I can’t do that anymore. Except for the grease paint. You are always smiling with that.

Son: So what are you trying to tell me?

Father: Just things you ought to know. I considered killing my self at the time, but you needed to be raised. (Leaves dressing room)

AUGUST

“You understand that your job is on the line.”

“I do, sir.”

“Failure to comply will result in a loss of contract.”

“I am aware of this.” Clara also knows that her job has consumed her for over a decade. And this monster of a boss has robbed her of all self-respect.

“Specifically, you are required to gain one hundred pounds by Christmas.”

She nods, for Clara can find no words to honour this agreement.

“I’ll monitor your progress, meeting with you each month. For now, eat more. Eat all day long.”

Tears slide down Clara’s cheeks, for she comprehends the gravity of this meeting.

SEPTEMBER

“Am I to believe that you are committed to this job?”

“Absolutely,” states Clara, knowing that at 411 pounds, no other job is possible.

“You have only gained twelve pounds this month.”

“I’ll fill myself like never before,” promises Clara. How she’ll accomplish this remains unknown.

“Your job is to eat, Clara. That is all.”

Clara can’t fathom eating more. Nor can she conceive of an identity other than that of the circus fat lady.

OCTOBER

Clara telephones her boss. “I’m hoping to put off our meeting. I’ve had the flu and I need another week to come up with the weight.”

“Yes, I heard about your alleged flu. Tell me, what is your current weight?”

“422 pounds.” What Clara does not reveal is that this includes the additional weighted padding that she has taken to wearing.

“Not acceptable.” But what is a circus man to do: four hundred pound women who put themselves on display are a rarity. “Very well, I will see you next week at four thirty. Four hundred and thirty pounds, that is.”

NOVEMBER

“I am a reasonable man, nevertheless, each month you have failed to gain the required weight. In fact, you are maintaining at this point.”

“Maintaining?” questions a bewildered fat lady. This is impossible news, though news it is, since Clara can no longer face the scales.

“Why so surprised, Clara? The kitchen tells me you’ve been eating vegetables and have taken a liking to rice crackers!”

Clara, embarrassed to have her eating habits on display, has nothing to say; she does not understand herself any better. If she is not the circus fat lady, then who is she?

“Who are you, Clara? You’re certainly no fat lady, by my standards!”

DECEMBER

And so, realizing a few standards of her own, Clara quits. “Goodbye Vincent.” Simply stated, yet these are the two most powerful words she’s uttered.

“What? You’ve clearly lost your mind, along with all that weight!”

“It makes me sick to eat. God, it feels good to finally admit that,” Clara says more to herself.

“There’s nothing else you can do, Clara. You are meant to be the fat lady,” Vincent almost pleads.

“Of that, I’m not so sure. But I do know that there is nothing left for me here.”

Clara, no longer afraid of Vincent or of leaving the circus, is excited to discover the woman at her core. With that, Clara runs away from the circus.