Dracula’s fangs are bicuspid
But his dentist is wholly disgusted
There are pockets of plaque
And his gums have turned black
His dental hygiene can’t be trusted

You’ve gotta feel bad for John Hurt
His lunchtime was wrecked by a squirt
The Alien was smelly
It came out through his belly
And left a big hole in his shirt.

We’re none of us fond of the mummy
Whose attitude’s generally crummy
But if a man with a hose
Pulled your brains out your nose
Do you suppose you would be chummy?

A girl who was always elated,
By a vampire got masticated,
She went into depression,
As her fluids were lessened,
You could say she was exsanguinated...

There was an old ghost from the past,
Who came into the room with a blast,
He broke all the plates,
And scared all my mates,
God, he's such a pain in the (gasp!)

A ghost wears a sheet for good reason
It’s cold outside, and he’s freezin’
Even though he died
In summer he’s fried
So he only wears it in season

Feel sorry for Ichabod Crane
For meeting a man with no brain
He was headless, of course
As he sat on his horse,
Now Crane's not been heard from again

A young girl from a coven of witches
Has got rather too big for her britches
For her jokes, although naughty
Macabre, and bawdy
Leave Frankenstein’s Monster in stitches.

No offense, of course, is intended to actual practitioners of the Wiccan religion.

He once came to visit my home
A quaint little cottage in Rome
I called him Ted
Then he ripped off my head
'That evil cantankerous gnome!'

There once was a ghost named Kareem,
Who tried to make little kids scream.
He bought a good book,
Called: "Ghosts, change your look."
Which boosted his self esteem.