Author's note: Didactic poetry was often used as an aid for remembering oral lessons. Please read aloud!

Meter and Feet

Metrical feet is a subject quite varied
Leaving the poetry writer most harried

Pyrrhic, Dactylic, it’s all so confusing
Cretic or Spondee, which should I be using?

Let us now study this subject most awful
Always insuring our meter is lawful

“Meter” is simply a pattern repeated
Rhythmical accents are pounded out, beated

“Foot” is the other component that’s needed
Smallest of units where pattern is heeded

Feet that have two beats are common and normal
Pyrrhus and Spondee are awkward and formal

Iamb has two beats the first which you soften
Shakespeare used iambs for sonnets most often

Emphasis falls on the beat which comes after
Iambs are serious, not used for laughter

Here is a single word that illustrates this
That word: “desire,” has an ending that is stressed

Trochee’s precisely the opposite stresses
First beat is emphasized, second is stressless

Oddly enough the word “iamb’s” trochaic
Learning these subtleties is quite prosaic

Two beats without stress are pyrrhic in meter
Hard as you look you will not find a beat there

Spondees have two counts of equally high stress
Using all spondees would make quite a big mess

Now you have learned all the feet that have two beats
Three beats and four beats and more beats are such treats!

Feet that have three beats can come in nine fashions
Learning them all may inflame wordly passions

Dactyl is used in the line you are reading
One beat is stressed with the next two receding

Tribrachs with no stress are used almost never
Likewise molossus with stresses forever

Please learn these poetry rules before bending
Anapest has just one beat at the ending

Antibacchius with two beats to start out
Makes bacchic’s trailing two beats eat their heart out

Amphibrach’s singular beat’s in the middle
Poets may use amphibrachic a little

Last but not least we have cretic to cover
Then will our three beat didactic be over

Cretic has three beats, you might want to try it
Ends that are stressed while the center is quiet

Feet that have four beats are sixteen in number
Learning them all would just send you to slumber

Eight beat feet sometimes can be hudibrastic
Seven counts often will seem pherecratic

Hipponactean may send hearts apounding
Minor ionic is simply astounding

Stop me before I go on never ending
Further instruction will have to be pending

Thus ends this lesson in poetry meter
This is goodbye dear long-suffering reader!

They say the pen can beat the sword,
The pick-axe and the hammer
Victory is the reward
For good syntax and grammar

But on the Internet you've gone astray
And broken every rule
You think DiS TyPiNg is okay
You'd even call it kewl

Proper English isn’t tough
In fact, it can be fun
So if you’ll listen long enough
I’ll show you how it’s done

If you'll bear with me, it means you'll wait
If you bare, then we'll be nude
We'll lie down if we feel sedate
But laying is more lewd

If she is going to the hut
She's taking two bags too
About their contents, I ask "what"
About her, I ask "who"

If you use an ATM Machine
You commit redundancy
You and I jumped on the trampoline
You were jumping with me

If you say "try and," not "try to"
You'll get your just deserts
If you've got less clothing than I do
Then you own fewer shirts

They're misspelling their names in there
So often it's absurd
And it seems as though they're unaware
That "irregardless" ain't a word

But I shouldn’t look down my nose
For every time I harp and moan
About someone else's prose
I find mistakes are in my own

Little children, pay me heed
Learn how to be good.
Every bit your parents feed,
You must eat your food.

Just eating it is not enough,
Good manners you must use.
Learning them is not rough,
If good choices you do choose.

Every bite that’s on your plate,
Every item on the table,
Even the things that you hate,
Eat all that you are able.

Complain not about the peas.
Do not cry and whine,
On your bottom, not your knees,
In peace we all shall dine.

Use your fork and not your toes
Your knife is not for throwing
Don’t hang your spoon on your nose
Napkins are NOT used for blowing.

Close your mouth when you do chew
Do not play “Gookie Look”
Don’t use your fingers for your stew,
Do not insult the cook.

Scream not if your foods should touch
You will not surely die.
Do not serve yourself too much
Of Grandma’s pumpkin pie.

Finger foods are truly rare
Just burgers, bacon, fries
Keep your hands out of your hair
And your sister’s eyes.

Say “Please” to ask someone to pass,
And “Thank you” when they do.
“Excuse me” if you have some gas,
Or to leave when you are through.

If you do these things I say
Each meal we will enjoy
Harmony, three times a day.
With every girl and boy.

When you get to the boson's you'll have to pronounce W and Z to sound like the h phoneme in home.

The elemental particles,
Where should we begin.
Well let us list the articles;
Class them by their spin.

The first we seek are fermions,
Half-integers are they,
To list them it would take eons;
They're numbered twelve they say.

There are electrons and there're quarks
And up and down they go;
Without a charge boldly harks,
Electron-neutrino.

There's a muon, there's a charm-quark,
Simple don't you know;
Now fast behind the strange-quark,
Is muon-neutrino.

There's a tau and still there's more quarks,
Top and bottom though,
Listen closely when it barks:
Tau-neutrino.

And when we seek their aunties
And treat them quite the same,
We'll find that all their panties
Are reversed, are they sane?

There's positron and antiquark,
Up and down they go,
With bold electron add the mark:
Antineutrino.

There's antiquarks, both charm and strange,
Down and down in flames we go,
For after positive-muons range,
Muon-antineutrino.

Our final quarks: bottoms and tops,
They adore a positive tau,
I hate that rhyme so out now pops,
An antineutrino of tau.

The next we seek are called Bosons,
Whole integers are they,
There's four as real as the Fonz,
The rest can't see the day.

The photon is a tricky one,
Massless and no charge,
I'm sure it has a spin of 1,
Nor is it very large.

Weak bosons they are very young,
Plus and negative W,
Though neutrally they have sung,
The letter we call Z.

The gluon is the last I'll name,
With the quarks it sticks,
To name them all would cause me shame;
They number eight or six.

I think that's all the names there are,
Names aplenty for your thrill.
I hope your ears they did not mar,
When they made my metres spill.

Deriving polynomials is really lots of fun
Subtract exponents of the x by the number one
Multiply the old exponent with the coeffish
Repeat for all monomials. Isn't that delish!

You’ve got a day job
And there are rules to follow
So you don’t get canned

Sleeping with your boss
May get you promoted fast-
Not if his wife knows

Partner makes you mad
Put a spider in his desk
“Animal control!”

Computers are good
But not for looking at porn
Be sure you’re not caught

The fridge is useful
Drug testing samples are kept
“That’s not apple juice!”

Call of Duty Four
Is an extremely fun game
Just don’t play at work

Office Olympics
Jousting with mops and broomsticks
“I think it’s broken!”

Here, pay attention
You have a mortgage to pay
Unemployment line

It isn’t easy creating a soldier.
It takes a cup of pride,
a dash of knowledge
and a stick of courage.
If mixed correctly,
the soldier should be firm,
yet pliable and consistent.
If they’ve been blended
well amongst each other,
the soldiers will hold loyalty.
Once in the heat of battle,
do not cause too much turbulence.
Otherwise, your soldier could fall.

On learning to live: they’ll take what you give
Without giving back, leaving you with a lack.
But you have a choice to use your own voice -
Get what you need, also want, yes indeed.

The learning of life is trial and error,
Putting you through delight and sheer terror.
Keep an eye on the errors made by your peers
To avoid following them through a trial of tears.

Tattoos can be cool but they have a place,
Most importantly, avoid putting one on your face.
Be careful what name you have inked in your skin;
Unless it says “Momma” or some other kin.

The youth of today wants it all in a flash.
If results aren’t immediate, into the trash.
Remind them, point to the oak in the square;
Tell them how long that tree has been there.

I know they won’t understand ‘til they are older,
Cringing at memories made when they were bolder.
To drive the point home, here’s what it takes:
Watching their kids make the same dang mistakes.

If the one you love, you hurt in some way,
and your heart is heavy and blue,
seek and find that one, no further delay.
Don’t wait ‘til she comes to you.

Alarm alerts.
Hit snooze.
Doze.

Alarm alerts.
Hit snooze.
Doze.

Alarm alerts.
Hit snooze.
Doze.

Alarm alerts.
Crawl out of bed.
Another day ahead.
So they say.

Take shower.
Refreshed.
“feel the power’’
So they say,
Anyway….

Eat toast.
Read news.
Make the most
Of new-gained gen.
Try to recall it again
Later today
It’s a way
To make money
So they say,
Anyway.
Today’s another day.

Wait for train
In the rain.
Listen to iPod.
Train arrives.
Still black skies.
Arrive at work
No time to shirk
Miss my honey
But need to make money
So they say,
Anyway.
Tomorrow’s another day.
Some other time I’ll play.

Finish my duty.
Go to a bar.
Drink too much
Too many beers
Upset my peers.
Will I get fired?
See someone I desired
But I’m too tired
To flirt anyway
Tomorrow’s another day.
So they say.

Run out of money.
Drunk.
Miss my honey.
Give them a call.
Wish to have it all.

Taxi arrives.
Too tired to roam.
Go home.
Tomorrow’s another day.

Hang head.
Crawl into bed.
Set Alarm.