10. It never travelled in the same circles as the planets, and they do have a certain position to maintain.

9. It kept playing with Uranus until it developed asteroids.

8. Puhlease! Pluto is just SO last eon.

7. It stopped paying dues and refused to attend mandatory meetings.

6. Some astral bodies apparently don't understand the word "probation."

5. The other planets kept missing beer from the refrigerator.

4. On every revolution it cries out, "I'll be bahk!" with that stupid Arnold Schwarzenegger imitation.

3. It called Jenny Craig! ("Have you called Jenny yet?")

2. Its name was falling into the Public Domain and Disney's lawyers filed for an injunction.

1. My cat has coughed up bigger hairballs.

The top 10 reasons Pluto is no longer a planet,

Number 10, the minimum size requirement to be designated as a planet was upped to 1 Michael Moore.

Number 9, upon investigation by the Hubble telescope, a mountain range was discovered that appeared to be flipping off the Earth.

Number 8, strategic move to eliminate Disney's foothold as an intergalactic dominion.

Number 7, needed to drum up business for the Big Encyclopedia and Big Textbook industries.

Number 6, the slow kids at school never remembered the 9th one.

Number 5, My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nude seemed like a more fun mnemonic.

Number 4, gerrymandered out of our district to allow Xq'Roblox to rise to Emperor.

Number 3, mischievous scientists wanted to stir up a nerdy internet campaign on YouTube.

Number 2, phase 1 of NASA's 5 phase plan to explore the ends of the solar system in 20 years.

Number 1, ANYTHING to spite Clyde Tombaugh!

1- He will have plenty of new friends who are also "absolutely 100% not guilty"

2- The golf courses have never been safer.

3- It's about time Fred Goldman got a life.

4- He feels much sexier in prison garb than Bruno Magli shoes.

5- He can play football again, and we WON'T have to watch.

6- With him out of the way, the police will have more time to find the "real"
killer.

7- They will not tolerate him leaving his dirty socks laying around.

8- Ill fitting clothing makes him feel extra special

9- The media will not be able to take his picture ever again

10- PEZ dispensers just aren't cool anymore.

Top 10 news stories we'd like to see in the National Enquirer.(No George Bush headlines.)

10 - Huge Oil Field Found in Mexico
............Want to see how fast our foreign policy can change?
09 - Paris Hilton Forsakes the Limelight, Becomes Nun.
............And donates any loot to charity ;)
08 - Big Foot Weds Elvis
............Bat-Boy jilted.
07 - Experts Say Dow Jones to reach 20,000 Level by Christmas
............Thanks Santa!
06 - Peace Breaks out in Middle-East
............OK, so it is really a Weekly World News Headline
05 - New Study: Alcohol Use Improves Driving Abilities
............You heard it here first folks!
04 - Forecast: All areas of Country to Receive Proper Amounts of Rainfall
............The rules said ‘like to see’ not ‘expect to see’
03 - 90% Income Tax Rate Imposed on Lawyers
............They tried for 95%, but didn’t want to get too greedy
02 - Federal Deficit Erased
............See #3 for reason
01 - 2008 Vote Inconclusive: Presidency to be Decided by Coin Toss
............Half-time at the Superbowl. See you there!

10. It's too far from the main drag.

9. Can't get a decent fake ID from Blarthon the World Eater.

8. Three dimensions are too restricting.

7. Nora Ephron is still making movies.

6. Lost interest in the planet after the Bee Gees broke up.

5. Stupid outdated intergalactic maps!

4. Too busy laughing at Fox News satellite feeds to even bother.

3. Chuck-freakin'-Norris

2. Will feel inferior landing in plywood spacecraft.

1. They don't need to visit Earth since joining NetFlix.

1.They read the inter-stellar map incorrectly, took at left at Mars and are now too stubborn to ask for directions.

2.Elvis decided he didn’t want to go back home.

3.You just can’t get a decent cup of coffee at the service stations on the pan-galactic highways in that area these days.

4.Area 51 doesn’t have a big enough landing strip.

5.They were hitchhiking and their guide had stated that Earth was an experiment that had now been terminated.

6.They were abducted by humans.

7.Their Tom Tom navigator had incorrect data and instead sent them to some asteroid in the middle of nowhere.

8.They don’t want to have spend the holidays with their Scientologist relatives and in-laws.

9.They followed a sign that said ‘scenic route’, ended up going down a black hole and now don’t know where the heck they are.

10.They were only going to pop by en route to Mercury to pick up some cash; then realised that Starbucks was not part of the inter-galactic ATM network.

Top Ten Reasons Pluto is No Longer a Planet

10.It failed the “No Planet Left Behind” exam, and was subsequently left behind

9. To ruin every third grader’s planet mnemonic

8. A lost law suit filed by a certain famous puppy dog

7. To make Saturn and Jupiter feel better about their
large masses

6. Ever since NASA started requiring astronaut mental health checks, there just hasn’t been enough scandal

5. Its position was outsourced; rumor is the Moon is being interviewed

4. Gerrymandering

3. Its romantic advance on Neptune “violated the sanctity of gas giant relationships”

2. Mercury filed for divorce, stating irreconcilable temperature differences

1. Fired for indecent exposure

Top 10 reasons aliens will never visit Earth.

10 - They have no wish to be referred to as “Terrestrially challenged guest workers”
09 - Have you taken the time to actually smell the place?
08 - Scout ships keep picking up prime time television and crew returns to the home planet hopelessly insane.
07 - They have no desire for “a quarter pounder with cheese”
06 - Ditto on the gourmet coffee made out of cat poop (Lewak)
05 - They do not wish to be taken to our leader - Any of them.
04 - Venus has much better tourist resorts, and Mars is closer to the shopping malls.
03 - We are too much fun to watch - sort of like ants in an ant-farm.
02 - Outdated intergalactic Michelin Guide does not list Earth.
01 - Seriously now, would YOU visit here if you didn’t have to?

In a year of extreme weather, hot celebrity news and financial uncertainty, who could forget 2007's biggest stories?

1 - Deadly Blizzard Death-toll Stands at Zero

2 - Collecting Toenail Clippings: the Hot New Fad Taking the Nation by Storm

3 - Leading Economist’s Gardener Predicts Global Downturn

4 - Disaster on Big Brother: Housemates Get Along With Each Other “Just Fine”

5 - “Miss Model Railway” 2008 Calendar Marred by Controversy

6 - The Price of Fish in Madagascar, and What it Means to Your Family

7 - Man Injures Clavicle in Bathtub Mishap

8 - Tooth Fairy Denies Involvement in Human Organ Trafficking Ring

9 - Food Dye, Detergent Poured in Fountain, Mayor Blames “Kids”

10 - Ear Plugs: The Silent Killer

Top 10 reasons Pluto is no longer considered a planet.

10 - It was sued by Disney for trademark infringement on licensed character name.
09 - It was a slow year for Astronomers, and they felt the need to liven things up.
08 - It was discovered Pluto was merely a cherry pit on the lens of the Hubble Telescope.
07 - Science teachers, tired of having to continually update Textbooks with which planet was furthest out, decided on the most expedient way to solve the problem. Now it is Neptune, period.
06 - It was noticed Pluto had less mass than Rosanne Barr, and nobody wanted to call her a planet.
05 - It was discovered the core of Pluto was Oil, it is now officially designated 19th province.
04 - Changed name to “Bluto” after Disney lawsuit, was immediately sued by the creators of Popeye.
03 - Congress, misinterpreting the name, decided if it was going to be Polluted, they might as well make a radioactive sanitary landfill out of it. Donald Trump immediately acquires rights to put up first tourist hotel there.
02 - Planetary application for Pluto was vetoed by Canada when they found it was actually colder than the Yukon at -457 degrees Fahrenheit. (-459 is absolute 0, the complete absence of heat)
01 - It was voted “weakest link”, was the first planet voted out on Survivors, and lost the first round in a game of planetary musical chairs - all in the same millenia.