URGENT: anything that takes more time to complete than time left to do it.

The quality of tolerance and kindness exhibited towards a wrongdoer who has shafted someone other than you.

Enlightenment: The intellectually satisfying revelation that a person experiences when he or she finally decides to shut up and start listening to me.

Piece of equipment that freezes constantly, ages more quickly than anything, costs way too much and gives you nothing but trouble while using it. But yet you can't stay away from it for long without missing it.

Civilization: Being able to take a crap in the comfort and privacy of your own home, and having some one else worry about what happens to it after you flush.

America: a country founded on liberty and equality by settlers who took over the land from its original inhabitants.

Aardvark~ What Swedish kids do over summer vacation to earn a little extra money.

Self-imposed rules which prevent stupid people from achieving their objectives.

A person's illusion that knowing the name of the head waiter when entering a busy restaurant without reservations will somehow result in his party of six immediately being seated at the most prestigious table in the room.

Manager: A person who thinks that they know what's going on and who takes credit but not responsibility.