Want to live dangerously? Come to the enchanted isle of Sagrada En Fuego, where nothing is certain ... including whether you'll ever return home alive!

Take the adventure eco-tour up the rugged mountainside, where the lush natural landscape changes every day due to lava flows, earthquakes, and rockslides. Lucky hikers might catch a glimpse of the rare Sagrada condor, an endangered species that often devours the flesh of unwary travelers. Don't forget to take a picture by the entrance to the Cave of Death!

In the unlikely event that you survive the eco-tour, why not do some kayaking in Fuego Bay? See the colorful coral reef, which is teeming with moray eels, poisonous jellyfish, and other exotic creatures. Jumping in for a swim in the beautiful azure waters is a great way to cool off and get yourself killed. Remember, if you get caught in a riptide, swim parallel to the shore. It won't prevent you from drowning, but at least you'll get a good view of the pristine coastline.

If by some improbable miracle you survive the kayaking trip, you can end your day (and perhaps even your whole life) with a festive luau dinner on the beach. You'll sample culinary delicacies while observing the authentic cooking techniques of the native tribesmen, who enjoy nothing more than feeding tourists. (To the sharks.)

Life is short — make it even shorter with a trip to Sagrada En Fuego. Why gamble away your money in Monte Carlo when you can gamble with your life on the island that Travel and Leisure calls "a tourist trap in the most literal sense of the word"? Visit us today, and learn why nine out of ten visitors love it so much, they never leave!

Welcome to Sagrada En Fuego, a taste of what’s to come!

For a limited time, the prince of darkness, Satan himself, has agreed to open up a small portion of his kingdom to the public. He feels since many of you appear to be candidates for the eternal residence plan, you might want to check out our facilities ahead of time.

Sagrada en Fuego has plenty of amenities, including hot and hotter running water, bubbling lava pits for a perfect spa weight loss experience, and attentive staff who will see to your every need in the way of repentance.

While you are here, be sure not to miss:

The Throne of Bones: Satan has always ruled from it. Part of the greeting ceremony for new visitors will be to watch the incoming eternal residents learning their responsibilities and obligations during their stay at the facility.

The Rock and The Hill: A popular pastime, the object of the game is to get the rock to the top of the hill. This is a timed event, you have until eternity to complete it.

The Training Room: Here your personal attendants will show you around the various pieces of equipment whose regular employment will keep you in top shape. There will be a discussion of the differences between being prodded with a pitchfork or a red hot poker.

During your stay you will be feasting on the same food as our regular patrons. The chef varies the menu, so expect some surprises!

All temporary guests will receive two complimentary books upon leaving: A full color brochure of what you will experience as a eternal resident, and a Bible, just in case you want to try for the ‘other’ accommodations.

Sagrada en Fuego is an experience you don’t want to miss!

Come visit beautiful, exotic and mysterious San Diablo. This wondrous tropical island was named by the Spanish in 1423, when they first laid eyes on the volcanic formation that was to become Sagrada En Fuego (Monastery of the Sacred Flame). They were sure that this was the gateway to hades.

The natives here are peaceful fun loving souls. Back then, the superstitious fears of this rock protected them from invasion. Now that superstitions are less prevalent, they have allowed visitors to partake of the sulfur rich mud baths that the early Spaniards were sure would pull them down to the abyss of darkness. For a small donation, you will be able to spend the day relaxing in this unique mixture. After partying all night, a day in these baths will completely rejuvenate you.

The most mysterious aspect of this sulfur based mud, is that is seems to penetrate right through one’s pores, and literally suck out fatty tissue. The natives joke about this being enough sacrifice to appease the fire god. It’s also the reason many locals are in the clothing business. Prepare to leave here a few sizes smaller than when you arrived! The average native male has no more than a size 32 waist. Females size 3 are considered large.

There are no alcoholic beverages on San Diablo. They make a drink out of cocoanut, pineapple, mango and sulfur spring water. If exported, this would make them all rich. They have no intention of doing this, so you will need to come here to taste this ambrosia.

If you do not consider this the most enjoyable vacation you have ever had, we will gladly return your travel expenses. The only stipulation: you will never be allowed to return. We have yet to give a refund!

Welcome to the Couples Resort of Intimate Discovery!

Enter our majestic gates with your loved one to learn your true nature and find honesty in your interpersonal relationships. Our staff is highly professional and trained to walk you and your significant other through an intense journey of pleasure and pain, growth and loss, until you reach the final breakthrough summit and are ready to return to your mundane cubicle wrought world.

Learn what you truly value in our hands on classes and take this knowledge with you into our open group sessions. Will your spouse deem you necessary when faced with the choice to suffer horrific torture or lose you to certain death? Given the option of saving your boyfriend’s life or surviving a night in the spa of eternal pain, what would you do? All of these vital questions and more will be answered during your weekend stay at our newly renovated facility.

Imagine yourself dancing into the wee hours of the never dawning morning around our beautifully designed lava fountain, all six of your senses highly aroused, while you wait for your partner to emerge from the dark pagoda of rebirth and join you below. Will they remain totally devoted to you after suffering through your betrayal?

You and your companion will forge a stronger and more passionate bond after risking life and limb for each other. We even have guests so transformed by their experiences during their stay, that they choose not to leave the island at all. Ignoring the wide stone staircase back to reality, they descend along an unfamiliar but rewarding path to a new, eternal future.

Explore the endless possibilities and learn the ultimate truth about your soul and your soul mate!

Join us next weekend at the fabulous Couples Resort of Intimate Discovery!

Sacred Fire or Sagrada En Fuego in the native language of this remote island is a fascinating relic of the prehistoric tribe who build this temple around a volcanic vent. Even after their discovery in 1938 by a journalist looking for Amelia Erdhart, the natives live simple, primitive lives, occasionally sacrificing a virgin girl to the fire to placate the god they had created. Interestingly the indigenous inhabits of the island insist that the temple always was there watching over them, but modern investigation shows that it is most definitely not a natural landform.

The tourist who desires more than the usual story to tell when they arrive home will love this destination. It is reached by flying boat from French Polynesia, a vast improvement over the days when it required a three week trek by tramp steamer and a longer wait for the boat to return. Accommodation is in your personal grass hut built by the enterprising natives. There are no more permanent structures on the island as it is contrary to the native beliefs.

The diet on the island consists of seafood and breadfruit. Dried meals can be purchased prior to departure to give some variety. These meals are also a useful form of barter with the people of Sagrada en Fuego since they don't recognize any currency. The people make a wide variety of baskets and implements from the lush vegetation that grows on the island, and these make terrific conversation pieces back home.

An important consideration in visiting this mysterious place is that the native religion is still active. It would be most unfortunate if you or a family member were sacrificed to the volcano god.

This is not a recommended destination for young girls or unmarried women.

Come to Pyriskia, the most beautiful place on the planet. From the Asbestos Dust Clouds of Creak Village to the refreshing breeze at the summit of Monoxide Mountain, there are views to die for! Nearly all of our visitors find that they cannot leave this amazing region, because it has captivated them so much!

For accommodation, stay in the famous Creak Village. Its wide range of excellent accommodation choices such as the hospitable Depths of Despair Inn and the roomy Walls of Fire Motel make it the best choice for somewhere to stay. Friendly locals may even make you the focus of one of their ceremonies.

Enjoy the view from your room in Creak Village. Famous orange Gas Fog surrounds you on all sides. See Monoxide Mountain, looming over the village like a giant claw.

Renowned for its natural beauty, Pyriskia is the Land that boasts 46 shades of brown. Looming Monoxide Mountain casts a vast shadow over the area, sometimes even spewing out lava to create a fireworks display. Just be careful not to get too close! At 432 kilometres, the river Sludgy is one of the longest in the region and by far the most beautiful. It’s waters are good for the health, they say. Obviously, this hasn’t been proven, because of what happened to the last people who swam in the river…

Come and enjoy the food! On the menu in most of the Inns of Creak Village is Skin Soup and Cremation Fudge. Naturally, the locals will keep their recipes secret, but every now and again, they do ask for a tourist to volunteer to help them in the kitchen. From the loud shrieks of joy that are heard through the wall, it is obviously an experience never to be missed.

Come to captivating Pyriskia!