"Let me give you a word of advice, Officer. Don't mess with me. I've already played this scene dozens of times in Grand Theft Auto IV, and you guys always lose, big time."

I'm sorry officer, I didn't notice you there. I guess I was a bit distracted by the discomfort of hiding a large package of narcotics in my rectum.

Sorry officer, my gas peddle just sticks sometimes... see, like this...

Wow, it must be my lucky day! Unnecessary force coupled with racial profiling just so happens to be my fetish. (lick lips) Get in--ooh, and bring those cuffs!

It's funny, Officer - you look just like the guy in the wedding picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

"Youse eh fool, occifer, you hear me !!!
Arrr...spilled my beer 'cause ahh your siren."

(hiccup)

"And get outta the way 'fore ah call the po-leece."

"Well officer, I guess you caught me. So since we're here anyway, want a hit off this joint?"

Whatever you do don't lift up the blankets in the back seat, there's a bloody mess back there.

"Hi there, I'd like the Soup of the day, fries, two chilli dogs, a burger with extra bacon and a diet coke.

"If you smell something, it's strictly for medicinal purposes."