You think it's bad now? I remember when all we had was a corrupt, corporate-controlled thing called a "government" influenced by an even more corrupt entity known as the "media" to tell us what to do.

Now, we just obey Emperor Qizzgroxxx, work the flourine mines, and take our pills. Mmmmmm, lovely pills. (Gasp) I've said too much. The cyborgs are coming. Look busy!

Regulated pages?

O.V.E.R.N.E.T. police?

Everything's sterile... safe.

In my day the internet was nothing but pornography and people hurting themselves. There was danger around every link, sheisters offering free ipods and longer, harder co-

What's an ipod? WHAT'S AN IPOD??

GET OFF MY TERRARIUM!!

When I was your age, if we wanted to learn something we did it the old fashion way, with lots of hard work and studying. We couldn’t just beam over to the SmartMart and buy a cerebral implant!

Back in my day, we had this wonderful little thing called food. You see, for nourishment, you had to use your mouth, and actually, kind of break the pieces into smaller pieces with your teeth! It was quite the exercise!

Back when I was a child, we didn't have butt-wiping robots. That's right! We had to wipe it ourselves! Oh, and we didn't have little pee-packs that we strapped to our waist all day, we had to walk all the way to another room just to go to the bathroom.

You kids have it so good, in my day we had to propel ourselves both ways! That’s right forwards AND backwards, and on every single pass through! Our poor little legs were always pumping away, never a break like you have it now with your fancy automated swing sets.

When I was your age we didn't have Worth1Million, all we had was Worth1000. We certainly didn’t have all these fancy categories either, like Carbon Manipulation and Dimensional Photometry. You kids can’t even wait 30 seconds for the Hive to analyze member voting patterns and tell you if you’ve won or not!

"You know, back in my day, we used to have to speak to people."

....We had to go to the toilet! We didn't have these fancy-dan energy pills that you take once a week with no worries.

Oh no... Once, twice, sometimes three times a day, we had to take time out to do our business. And clean up
afterwards, too. Disgusting!

Mind you, it wasn't all bad in the old days ... We used to have sex!

“Quiet. Stop pinging!”
“I hate being off-line.”
“Sorry, but once a year your neural chip needs to be upgraded. I had to go to school nine months of the year to learn what you’re parsing in seconds. Now let me burn your chip and you’ll be recon’t in a milli!”