Bad news.

Walk.

Tyler Durden: Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!

Aliens traverse the galaxy, avoid interstellar detection, infiltrate Earth, coordinate a large scale invasion using markings set up on the surface of the planet itself, overwhelm mankind, overlook that the planet's most abundant natural resource kills them. Ta-da!

Walter Mathau: I've got a wacky scheme.
Jack Lemmon: You're crazy. It'll never work.
Walter Mathau: Just do it anyways, fartbrain.
Jack Lemmon: Okay, but you're still crazy.

(Witty banter, things get messed up, but then they work)

Jack Lemmon: I can't believe it worked.
Walter Matthau: Told you so, cheesehead.

Go, lowly farmboy!
Transformed; now a fake pirate.
Race to find your bride.

What is its meaning,
this word, "inconceivable"?
Sicilians don't know.

Spaniard, sword-master:
'Let me introduce myself,
if you've six fingers.'

Wizened old crack-pot
thought the pirate said "to blathe",
but it was "True Love".

The evil ring needs to be destroyed in a volcano.

"Okay, well let's start walking."

So, they walk.
And walk some more.
...And walk some more.
......And walk some more.

They walk until they find elves.
They walk until they find talking trees.
They walk until they find ogres.

They drop the ring into a volcano.

They walk back home.
And hopefully take a bath.

"This is Sparta!"

Spartans-
We are the greatest warriors in the world!
No one can mess with us!

Xerxes-
We can.

*Spoiler*

Spartans Die.

Ralphie: Can I have a BB gun?
Parents: No, you'll shoot your eye out.
Ralphie: Please?
Parents: Okay.
Ralphie: Yay!

(Almost shoots eye out)

1. Pick up suits from the dry-cleaners.

2. Remind Kay to buy a gift for Connie's son's baptism.

3. Have Don Stracci, Don Barzini, Don Tattaglia, Don Cuneo, Moe Greene, Sal Tessio, and Carlo Rizzi killed.

Shots have been fired at the President.
The President has been shot.
Someone shot the President.
Bullets were fired at the President.
The President was gunned down.

Oh no, he lives.

[for those unfamiliar with this movie, here is the IMDB link]