“Man. I can’t believe I never realized that.”

“Ha ha, yeah, after all these years. I figured you would’ve put two and two together.”

“I mean, that’s pretty historic.”

“I know, sometimes I can’t believe it myself.”

“And you are the sole survivor?”

“Yep just me.”

“If anybody else finds out about this, you’re gonna be on hit lists everywhere.”

“It’s cool, you and me are the only ones that know.”

“I can’t believe I never realized you were related to--*BING*”

“Hey, this is your floor right?”

“Yeah, almost didn’t notice.. Let’s go.”

“I’m remembering the other day when you mentioned your Uncle. How are his legs doing?”

“My Uncle Carl? Backwards legs Carl?”

“Yes, Carl, that’s it!”

“His legs are still backing up, last time I checked. You should have seen what happened to his arms, though.”

“Did they become backwards too?”

“No. They just became.”

“Became? Became what?”

“They just grew.”

“Are they twice the size now?”

“No, normal size.”

“How is that growing, then?”

“Uncle Carl was born without arms.”

“Oh! So how did they grow?”

“Well, apparently, to make limbs grow you just have to rub on…”

"What was it doing here?"

"It was a misdirected delivery to that herpetologist in the building next door."

"That explains a lot."

"Yes."

"OK, so tell me again what happened?"

"The freight elevator doors crushed the box, and they all escaped."

"Did they catch them all?"

"No." They went down through the gaps."

"Into the elevator shafts?"

"Shhhhh. Keep your voice down."

"Did they find them?"

"No. They're not in the shafts. The freight elevator was on the second floor; they may have moved to the roofs of the adjacent elevator."

"This elevator!?"

"...more like an pronounced pirouette, I would say!"

"Perhaps he was practicing for his grand debut in Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, ala Wild Kingdom. All the gorilla needs is a solo flutist as he cavorts around to the immortal tune of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

"Aha! Maybe zoo keeper Herb could act as the ape's symphonic accompaniment. I can just imagine that wizened curmudgeon playing on the flute as JoJo moves with cadenced sways to the hypnotic music. Hilarity. Perhaps Ptolemy the pygmy 'potamus could be his back up dancer. "

"Let's just pray JoJo doesn't fling his. . ."

“The store manager wouldn’t take back my underwear and I had to argue that elastics should last more than two years.”

“That’s a bit like the guy at work who looked at me in a funny way when I asked if I could scrape his plate at lunch to bring the leftovers home to my wife.”

“People waste so much money when they can get things free. My wife uses rain water to flush the toilet; it doesn’t show on the water meter. When supply is low, we visit next door or I go for a discreet walk.”

“That reminds me of…”

Did you get the twins?

Oh great what are they like?

One jiggly, one not

Well how hard is the bugger

Thats sucks how much did you pay for them

Heck that’s what they go for nowadays

No hun don’t worry i saw a celebrity on tv with the same problem.

Yeah, yeah there’s a method to make it jiggle, yes it worked, she shook them right there on the show.

Ok what you do is.....

So we're leading this giraffe down the jetway...
and the monkey is riding the giraffe, clutching the giraffe around the neck. I think he may have been choking it, and all these schoolkids are watching us. All of a sudden the monkey starts screeching, and the children are laughing at us, so I pass the whiskey back to the monkey and he starts drinking it, fast, almost half the bottle at once. The air hostess says to me, "we have got to get these animals back to Africa, before we get fired by Donald Trump"

“ you heard about the elephant going missing from the circus?”

“yeah do you know something about it?”

“i might know where he is”

“how did they get it out?”

“well, it took a fork lift and a large wooden box, but we got there”

“it was you?? gosh, didn't anyone see you?”

“well the clown might of seen us but he was so blind drunk no one would believe him”

“so where's the big fella now?”

[PING]

“this is my floor you wanna come in for a cuppa I'll tell you the full story?”

“too right mate”