I wish to appeal your decision to ban my entry for the “Disqualified? Again?” Text competition, entitled “Paradox”. I am aware it was disqualified because the entry did not fit the brief, as it calls for describing a disqualified entry, and if this entry was not disqualified, and if this was the case, I would agree with you. It should be disqualified. It does not fit the brief. Therefore I am writing about my entry (this one that you are currently reading). I agree it has to be disqualified. But if it MUST be disqualified, then it must be reinstated, as, since it was disqualified, it qualifies. Then it has to be disqualified. But since you disqualified this entry, then this entry automatically qualifies, hence the title “paradox”. Sure if you restore it, it will be ineligible again, but then it will have to be disqualified. Unless you disqualify it for other reasons, like repetitivity, length or my making up words like repititivity. Then I completely understand, and withdraw my complaint.
Yours sincerely,
Ha, you are not fooling me that easily, if I sign my name here, it will be disqualified for a valid reason.

Overseeing Body,

Your decision to disqualify my recent entry in Photoshop contest “Propaganda 3” borders on full-blown political discrimination. Let me assure you, the Star Wars to which I was referring was the Star Wars Missile Defense system championed by Ronald Regan in the late 1980’s.

Agreed, using Darth Vader swinging a light-saber in the image may (to some) hint at the Star Wars movies, but thematically I’m sure you can see Darth Vader only exists symbolically in the image as a representation of the Republican regime of the time, and his light-saber merely indicative of the sweeping cuts in corporate taxes and healthcare spending proffered by his cabinet.

If necessary for reinstatement I am willing to forsake my artistic and political integrity by changing the color of his light-saber to green, in representation of the billions of dollars by which the deficit was increased as we attempted to win the cold war during that time.

Agreed?

Dear Annie, Dear Funatic!

I just discovered that my entree for the Love Poetry contest wus decute.
I have no idea why you did that! It must be a misstake!

I know it wus a great pome and i don’t understand why you decute it! My friends they all say that i right great pomes! I’m sure its been a misstake and you just didn’t understand it’s meening. I know its definatly not eesy to understand becuz its very deep and meeningful and purhaps you just did not understand it.

I will add the originel pome in case it was just a misstake, so you can make it undecute again.

You are my sun that shines in the sky
I love you so much becuz you make me like smokin drucks so high.

I love you for evr and evr
and when your not hear, i have to watch p0rn movies on my VCR.

Dear Juror,

This letter is in response to the disqualification of my recent entry in Photoshop Contest “Demons and Devils 4”. I absolutely agree that at first glance it “just appears to be a picture of a small child playing.” Well -- I thank you for saying so, because that was EXACTLY the effect I was working for.

Let me assure you, taking a source image of a child playing, Photoshopping in horns, pitchfork, and cape, and then systematically REMOVING all traces of his demonic heritage (to simulate that they are magically concealed) requires a herculean level of effort that is almost too obvious to require elaboration.

Frankly speaking, your inability to spot the magically concealed items does nothing but serve as validation for the quality of the entry. Please don’t be too hard on yourself for missing them – it is really more a measure of my skill than your competence, and I accept your apology in advance.

Respectfully,

worth member

Dear Jury_One
I was astounded when I received your mail informing me of my possible disqualification in the contest entitled “Getting Even.” My previous entry had been disqualified on the grounds of unacceptable profanity; so I followed the advice, given after that disqualification, which I quote here:

“Although we do not, as you so clearly state, deny the existence or significance of artists such as Quentin Tarantino and Eminem; we must stand by our decision to disallow the vocabulary constituting so significant a proportion of your entry. Try to rework these pieces substituting ‘flipping’ for that most animal of human functions and perhaps ‘cowherd’ for that noun that has been called ‘the most offensive English word’.”

I assumed that such substitutions would be acceptable and was surprised to see my latest entry described as incoherent. To assist your comprehension I have copied the first sentence of my entry highlighting the substitutions by quotes:

Now I ‘flipping’ knew that ‘sherbet’-eating ‘flagon’ of a ‘nightjar’ for the ‘cowherd’ he was, and I was never going to let a ‘cowherdish’, ’acorn’-eating, ‘merry-flipper’ like that ‘flip’ my ‘botticelli’ and then go boast to his ‘merry-flipping’ boys about it neither.

I am sure this will convince your judges of their error in commenting, “A word jumble, randomly assembled.”

Yours, in flipping earnest,
Cowherd_at_Heart

my punctuation is every bit as good as e e cummings and he is far more famous than anybody here

Dear Mr. (or Mrs.) Mean Moderator,

I worked very hard on my entry, and you have the nerve to say it doesn't meet the general quality requirement for an Advanced contest? Did you even look at it? I left all the edges jaggedy on purpose because I personally like the cut-and-paste look, and adding shadows would have only taken away from their beauty. And yeah, you might think the floating tree is a little random, but it has significance. It's being unique. It's like... free, man. It's not grounded in the earth, being oppressed like all the other trees.

I can't believe you don't get that.

I became grief-stricken when I discovered that my entry now faces disqualification. It depressed me so much that I began to cry. An abysmal puddle of woeful tears caused a short in the circuitry of my mouse and I am now forced to navigate the Internet using keyboard shortcuts alone. So you see, not only is my entry being thrown out of the contest like last year's charcoal eyeliner, but I cannot possibly fix it due to the untimely demise of my cordless mouse.

Please reconsider this disqualification. I'll forgive you for the death of my mouse if you let my entry live.

Show me in the rules where the word count is not in hexadecimal. 800 Hex is 4096 base 10, and I barely used over 1,000 words.

I was upset that you feel my entry "Politics in a cliché world" should be disqualified.

I know my photography entry featured George Bush, but in the context some artistic license was inevitable.

True, he was giving a speech in front of the Statue of liberty, but the statue is not really there. The background was boring so I selectively edited it to make it look like the famous landmark.

And yes, I was well aware that it is a color photo in a B&W contest, but George was wearing a black suit and he looked very pale that day.

The naked lady at the back was a joke. Also, she was photoshopped her in and it was not even a photo taken by me, just downloaded from a playboy website and should not count as part of my image. It is a sad day when we cannot include a little joke in our photo's.

I can also prove that there is nothing wrong the quality. You may think that it is out of focus, but the shot was taken with a Canon 1Ds on full auto. It is your word against Canon's best camera, and I think the camera knows better.

I know Worth Admins put in a lot of hard work, so I will forgive your incompetence and if you reinstate the entry we will just forget the whole incident. OK?

My entry uses 64 bit color depth as opposed to 32 bit color depth so holding me to only 200K means I can only use half as many pixels as my competitors. Since this is clearly unfair, my entry ought to be allowed 400K.