‘No mommy no PLEASE mommy PLEEEAAAAZZZZE PLEASE don’t take me to see the clown!’
Hysterics. Screaming, crying, hyperventilating hysterical little girl. MY little girl.
‘Honey, come on! It’s a clown, just like Bozo, just like the guy from that fast food place and just like uncle Jimmy when he dressed up that one time for your birthday party. Ok, not quite like uncle Jimmy, but better! I promise this one won’t have bad breath and blow up all his balloons!’
‘No – sob – mommy – sob – no – I – don’t – wanna – sob – puhhhleeeeeezeee….’
Oh, wonderful. Everyone is looking at us. Look at the bad mommy forcing her child to see the big mean clown. And I just know the minute we’re in the car she’s going to start crying because she didn’t get to see him. What a day. Oh well, at least she liked the rides and the cotton candy. Time to call it a day.
‘All right sweetie, all right, shush now. You don’t have to see the clown if you don’t want to. Let’s just go back to the car, ok?’
Ok. Back to the car. I’m tired anyway. It’s been a long day and there’s almost nobody here but teenagers wasting their money trying to win a teddy for their girls. And that clown DOES look creepy. Seriously, what kind of make-up is he using? That shade of red around his mouth makes him look like a bloodied cannibal. And he isn’t even smiling. Look at those beady little eyes…is he looking at us? Oh my god, I think he’s looking at us! Just keep walking old girl, we’re going to the car, stop looking at him, just get to the car. What a creep!
‘Mommy?’
‘Uh, yes pumpkin? What is it?’
‘Why is the clown following us?’
‘What? No, sweet pea, the clown isn’t following us, he’s just walking around. See, he’s going to see other children’
IS he following us? No, he’s not, you’re just working yourself up because of that awful make-up. You’re freaking out just like your 4 year-old! Come on, relax, just keep walking normally and you’ll get to the car and drive home and tell yourself you’ve been silly. We’re almost to the parking lot. Alright, where did we leave the car? It’s getting pretty dark out here, isn’t it? You’d think these traveling fairs would think of installing some lights on a generator or something…Where are my keys? Where’s the car? Where’s that clown? Oh my god, he’s right behind us! Why would he come into the parking lot? He wouldn’t attack us right here would he? There are still people over there, he wouldn’t do that! What kind of sicko is he? Ok, here’s the plan : find the car, push your baby in there, jump in behind the wheel, lock the doors and drive off. Where’s the CAR???
‘Mommy!!’
‘Yes baby, I know, just walk faster! When we get to the car I want you to jump in and lock your door, ok honey? Quick as you can! Do you understand me?’
‘No, but mommy…’
‘No buts, you listen to me, understand? You just do as I say!’
There has to be a parking lot attendant in here somewhere, come on!! Why did I leave the fair grounds? I should have stayed right there where there were people around! I’m so stupid! Oh my god, what I am going to –
‘Ma’am? Excuse me –
Thank god. There’s someone here. I’ll just – oh no. No. It’s him. I can see his bloody mouth from here even though it’s dark. Oh my god, oh my god, what do I do?
‘Don’t come any closer! I have mace! Don’t you come any –
What in the world is he doing? Am I really seeing this? Oh he’s really loony. Making a balloon animal? What kind of deranged psycho is this?
‘Here you go little girl – it’s a dog! Do you like it?’
‘Um, yes, thank you, it’s really pretty’
‘There. See? Clowns aren’t scary! Have a good night ma’am. I’m sorry if I scared you, I just felt so bad at how scared your daughter was of me…I just thought she’d like the balloon. Hope you had a good day at the fair!’
I – that’s it? Yeah, that’t it…he’s leaving. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe he actually wanted to attack us. I can just see the headlines now : hysterical mother maces nice old fair clown! Oh, what a day! And here’s the car. Right in front of me. Wow, freaking out really makes everything else disappear, doesn’t it?
‘All right sweetie pie, let’s head home. That was really nice of the clown to give you a balloon, wasn’t it? Sweetie? Honey?’
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The WaterTown Herald
Monday, October 13
‘Bozo’ claims another victim
‘Bozo’ the fair clown, known to authorities as the ‘Animal Balloon Kidnapper’ because he befriends children by giving them balloon animals, has claimed a fifth victim, this time a 4 year old girl who was at the fair with her mother on Sunday. Witnesses claim the little girl, who had seemed afraid of the clown, was heading for the parking lot with her mother when…