From henceforth, I resolve to shuck my lazy ways and finish my text entr

I will become better friends with my ex-husband's 19 year old third wife.

In the next year, well, in the future that is, probably starting the next year and then continuing onwards... most likely concluding within the next three years but definitely before the end of the decade, I will try to start stopping to procrastinate.

I resolve not to be bitter when other people win Text Contests that I should have won. I will no longer find out who they are and track them down and make their lives a miserable pit of existence through evil and invasive "Practical Jokes" that ruin their lives.

I resolve to finish working on my memoirs... so I’ll have to think of something interesting in my life to write about... okay, I’ll have to do something interesting with my life to write about...

I resolve to start writing fiction!

I resolve to listen to the voices less this year… Yes, I am submitting this… YES!… I don’t care if you think I have ‘Daddy’ issues!… No!… Why don’t YOU go sacrifice the cat?...I am NOT crying!

It is my solemn endeavour and my foremost task for the following and furthermore for all concurrent years, to embarge on a mission which will not only change and give structure to my life, but also that of my fellow citizens, companions and comrades (be they close relations or brief acquaintance), that will allow me to turn my attention to the active and energetic plan of finally in due diligence embracing the attempt to stop composing and writing these blasted run-on sentences.

When I'm at the office, I resolve to stop surfing the internet long enough to get some actual work done.

Occasionally.

I resolve to use my unique skills in rooster juggling to win favor with voters, become president, and set my grand world domination plan into motion.

Resolutions for the New Year:

1) Stop referring to my ex- wife as “The She-Beast.”
2) Get rid of this toenail fungus!
3) Move out of my parents’ basement.