I have never been able to forgive myself for the deaths of my children. Before he went back to his RAF squadron, my husband James made me promise to send them to the countryside, to be safe from the bombings. And I know that, logically, it was be safer for them to be with my sister near Bletchley. My brain says I did the right thing, but my heart will never be whole again.
Henry swung the toy Spitfire around his head, making machine gun noises and shooting imaginary enemy aircraft out of the sky.
"You know Mum didn’t like it when you play at war," Elizabeth said.
"Is that why she sent us away?" asked Henry. He knew the answer; he just wanted to get a rise out of his sister. He succeeded.
"Of course not, you sod. She sent us away to be safe from the bombings."
"Well," said Henry. "It didn't exactly work out for the best, now, did it?"
Henry and Elizabeth, and dozens of other children, had died when bombs struck the evacuation train in the rail yards near Kensal Green, outside of London, on this very day, sixty-eight years ago. They had returned to the site every year since then, where a memorial had been erected in a small park.
"No," Elizabeth agreed. "It didn't. But she couldn't know that. And I know she's never forgiven herself." Her eyes filled with tears.
"I know," Henry softened. "Do you think she'll be joining us soon?"
"You've been asking that for sixty-eight years. I'm sure it will be soon, but we can't know when. We have to keep coming back here, so she can find us."
Our flat was leveled that same night; I had to move to temporary quarters. James was killed two months later. I still don't know how I managed to live through that; I worked two shifts throughout the war to keep my sanity.
"How do you know she'll come back here?" asked Henry, fiddling with the propeller on his airplane.
"I can't explain it. I just know; that's all. And we haven't been able to find her, so she must be alive, somewhere. When she dies, she'll come for us."
"And what about Father?"
"He'll be with her."
They made a monument for the children, near the place where they died. In all these years, I could never bring myself to visit it. Each anniversary of their death, I've always promised myself that I'd go, and when I couldn't, I promised to do it the next time. Sixty-eight anniversaries. But I'm an old woman now, and my years are running out. War may break out soon. Now is the time.
"What else do you 'just know'?" asked Henry.
"I know the people of the living world are in grave danger. I don't know why. I can sense it in the people passing by, but I can't explain it. There's tension, fear, and dread in all of them."
"Will there be another war, then?"
"I can't say. Could be. There is so much hatred among the living. And so few people trying to make peace."
"Why?"
"I don't really know. I think it's human nature. People would rather fight for all of something than settle for some of something."
"What is it they want to fight for now?"
"I can't tell. The most I can make out from the people passing by is that they are very afraid."
"I'm not afraid," said Henry, tossing his airplane skyward again. "I'm just tired of waiting for Mum." He pointed to an elderly woman, standing with her head bowed in front of a monument, an angel fluttering at her shoulder. "Edward's mum visits here every year."
"Yes. But they won't be able to talk to each other until she dies."
Why doesn't our mum come and visit, like Edward's mum does?"
"Some of the living find this place peaceful. Others find their peace in other ways."
"At least Edward knows where his mum is."
"Henry! Look!" Elizabeth pointed.
At the edge of the park, a frail, elderly woman stepped out of a black hackney and made her way toward the monument.
"Is that Mum?" asked Henry. "It is! It is!"
They flew over to the footpath and flitted around her, shouting joyously. Other angels made way for them; a reunion was a relatively rare, and always blessed, event.
It is peaceful here; I'm glad.
Elizabeth and Henry chattered ceaselessly as their mum walked slowly to the monument.
"She looks great!"
"She's still wearing her wedding ring!"
"Her eyes haven't changed a bit!"
"I thought this day would never come!"
"She can't hear us, of course, but I'd love to hear her voice!"
When she reached the monument, the woman stopped and bowed her head, praying silently. Henry and Elizabeth hovered at her side, hoping she would speak out loud, but she didn't, not then. There would be time enough to hear her in the future. She placed her hand for a moment on the smooth marble of the memorial, and then turned to leave.
I love you, my children.
Henry and Elizabeth followed, intending to follow their mother back to her home, never to leave her side again. Their excited chatter was interrupted, though, by a great rushing of wings, as another angel landed in front of them.
Elizabeth recognized him first.
"Father!" she shrieked, and enveloped him in arms and wings.
"Elizabeth! Henry! I knew you'd be here!"
Before they could speak, there was a blinding flash of light and a deafening explosion. Everything around them started to burn. Their mother died and joined them, but their gladness was mixed with sorrow. Two million angels had been born in an instant, but countless more were, in that same instant, removed from the future of history's time line.
The reunited family watched as the first waves of bombers and transport aircraft came into view overhead, flying towards the already-devastated heart of London.