5) If soap is so great at cleaning the outside of your body, why cant it clean the inside? It's flawed!

4) Why does it only kill 99% of germs? What if the other 1% is the one set of germs that will kill you?

3) The suds look like spit bubbles, that's just nasty!

2) Everytime you hold a wet bar of soap it slips away. Why is it trying to get away from you? It's a sign!

1) Have you ever read the ingredients of soap? Those twelve letter chemicals can't be good for you.

1. If you stop buying soap, you’ll have more money to buy gas.

2. We have proof that soap is a torture device. Note the scene in “A Christmas Story” where Ralphie must hold a bar of soap in his mouth. Even after taking it out, his mother can’t stand the taste, proof of cruel and unusual punishment.

3. It is impossible to make sturdy garments from soap bubbles.

4. Confusing Dove soap with Dove chocolates could have disastrous results… see #2.

5. Soap was originally made from rendered human fat after ritual sacrifice. By buying soap, you’re actually encouraging the slaughter of poor, innocent humans.

5. Soap Creates safety hazards in prison when dropped in the shower.
4. Can anything that burns your eyes and gives you diarrhea when eaten really be good for your skin?
3. Buying soap takes funds that could have been used for an Aviary.com Blue plan.
2. Soap washes away pheromones, reducing your appeal to the opposite sex – don’t you have enough challenges with that already?
1. The scent of soap attracts mosquitoes, bears, and telemarketers (the last one has not yet been scientifically proven – but why take the chance?)

You know that prison adage about dropping the soap? It does not happen when you use shower gel. Think before you lather.

Most household accidents happen in the bathroom. And soap is always there.

Soap causes slips. And one slip can lose an election.

Soap causes bubbles. Bubbles cause stock market crashes.

Cleanliness is next to godliness. "Next to god" is just another euphamism for being DEAD. So clean means DEAD. Soap makes you clean, therefore soap makes you DEAD.

5) It would destroy your superhero-like ‘sphere of revulsion’.
4) It isn’t healthy to be cleaner than your kitchen. When was the last time you washed it? On second thought, I don’t want to know.
3) JAGO suggested this one? Are you sure Guttermonkey didn’t hack his account?
2) A layer of dirt makes you healthier by repelling bacteria which can enter clean skin through the pores.
1) All the money you spend on soap can be spent on more important things... like beer.

5. Soap removes the buildup meant to protect your body from disease. Be dirty, be healthy.

4. Soap kills fish, lakes, and rivers. Sudsless nature means thoughtful nurture.

3. Soap ruptures the links that bond sticky siblings together. Be a clingy happy family.

2. Soap destroys the aroma in sweat that enhances sexual arousal. Smell raw and make love.

1. Soap is the leading cause of all bathroom injuries. Lather, danger! Lather, danger!

1. What is in soap? Butylated hydroxytoluene, ethylene diamine, tetraacetic acid, and glutaraldehyde. What're those supposed to be? Neurotoxins?
2. Soap also has fatty acids and oils. Can't that seep into our arteries and cause heart attacks? I mean, if cell phones cause cancer, any thing is possible, right?
3. Using soap wastes water, becasue it takes longer to rinse it off. It also wastes money, because you had to buy the soap in the first place.
4. Soap is detrimental to the environment because it is non-recyclable.
5. Soap is easily mistaken for cheese, something you can eat. Which you can't with soap.

The Top 5 Reasons Soap is Bad for You

5. Did your mom ever make you hold it in your mouth when you were bad…gross!

4. Getting it in your eyes is about as much fun as getting maced.

3. Two words: allergic reaction

2. Kills up to 99% of bacteria…and skin cells! Yikes!

And the number one reason that soap is bad for you is:

Drum Roll Please

1. While washing your face in the shower, do you ever wonder how many people have washed their butt with the same bar of soap?

1. When my friend says bad words, his mommy washes his mouth with soap. He says it tastes really really bad, so it must be bad for you!

2. I heard my big brother and his friends talking about how someone did something naughty in jail with soap!

3. My big brother was playing a game called Call of Duty Four and he said his guy’s name was Soap and he kept getting shooted at!

4. My daddy told me there are millions of germs, but the soap says it only kills 99!

5. Sometimes when I want to watch cartoons my mommy says no because she is watching her soap!

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Note: If you are unfamiliar with the game, the main character in Call of Duty Four is named Soap (don't ask my why).

1: It comes from one of the central aisles in the supermarket.
2: It doesn't come in a whole grain form.
3: You can't get low GI soaps.
4: Exercise negates it's effects.
5: It is traditionally made from lard (pig fat) and we all know that fats should be avoided!).