Bonus: Poetry - Tragic Poem in the Style of Dr. Seuss

Bonus: Poetry - Tragic Poem in the Style of Dr. Seuss

Absolutely Ridiculous Text Contest Theme Winner!
Contest ended 3 years ago 3/28/2009 12:00:00 AM EDT

Contest Info

  • Cost: 10 credits
  • Jackpot: 90 credits

Contest Options

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First Place
# 1
By SydneyBoSox (Score: 8.845)
6

My poor socks!
Curse that box!
I lost my socks in the dryer box!

Not loaned my socks
Or tossed my socks
But lost my socks in that box!

In went shirts
In went pants
In went a sweater from Grandma Nance

In went towels
In went sheets
In went napkins stained with beets

And then my socks—
My flocks of socks
They all went into the dryer box

Socks with bunnies
Socks with flowers
Socks I’d knitted that took me hours

Sock with ponies
Socks with bears
Old socks, holed socks, socks with tears

All my clothes went in the box
Shut inside the door that locks
They went round and round inside the box

Out came the pants
Out came the shirts
Out came sheets and towels and skirts

But not my socks!
Where were my socks?
I searched and searched and searched that box.

But they were gone
Gone were my socks
Lost somewhere in the dryer box.

Word count: 161
 
4

This is Pat
Pat the Rat
Pat is fat
He wears a hat

This is Smee
He is a flea
Smee the Flea
Lives on Pat’s knee

Smee is a bug
A little lug
He likes to tug
And give you hugs

Smee is sick
His sickness sticks
He’ll bite you quick
It’s quite a trick

Then you turn green
The queerest sheen
It makes you mean
The mean green sheen

You cough a lot
You get real hot
You get some spots
You start to rot

You toss and turn
You start to burn
And then you learn
For life to yearn

You’ve got the plague
You start to gag
You’re in a bag
A wet dishrag

And then you die
Oh my! Oh my!
It makes me cry
To wave bye-bye

So Pat and Smee
Go on spree
From sea to sea
Spread spots with glee

Word count: 148
 
Third Place
# 3
By indianna (Score: 7.197)
4

I am Dream
I am Dream
Dream I am
Do you like
I make you scream?
I do not like too
I am Dream
I do not like
When I make you scream

Would you like to dream all day
I do not like too
I do not like when you close your eyes
When your thoughts fly to the skies
I do not like to make you scream
I do not like to be your dream
Do you like
Monsters with fangs
Or being chased
By Vampire gangs
I do not like to bite you hard
because little children taste like lard
I do not wish to hear you scream
Because it interrupts my dream
I do not like your teddy bear
He works on it that you do not scare

Do you think I like
Giant sharks
Or disasters
fires and storms

I do not like to bite you hard
Little children’s bones are hard
I do not like to hear you scream
Whilst thou have another dream

Would you? Could you?
Dream tonight
Sleep! Sleep!
Nightmare tonight

Do not lay your head
Onto your pillow

Tomorrow you may wake
You will swear I’m your enemy
You may not like me
You will not like me
I would not keep you awake
I drift into your dreams tonight
I do not like to bite you hard
I do not like to hide in your yard
I do not wish to hear you scream
I do not wish to be your dream
I do not like to give you a fright
I do not like the dark at night
I am dream
Dream I am

The dark! The dark!
The night! The night!
Don’t close your eyes!
Stay awake!

I do not like to be your dream
I do not like to hear you scream

Sleep tight,
Sleep bright,
Sleep might
Good night!

You do not like to be a dream
What fun is there without a scream
You teach us to be brave and strong
We fight with might, all night long
Monsters chase and lions roar
Without nightmares sleep’s a bore
We tell your stories in the day
And then at night we play
We pray for ghosts and goblins
To tear up our dreams


You see, when we are tucked in tight
We are praying for a fright

We do like you Mr Dream
When we fall asleep at night.

Word count: 404
 
4
By Ebonheart (Score: 6.712)
2

I saw
I saw
I saw my wife
She was in bed with Mr. Fife

I got
I got
I got a knife
I ran it through my cheating wife

I stabbed
I stabbed
I stabbed in lops
‘Til I was picked up by the cops

I swore
I swore
I swore in court
That I was crazy, of a sort

I heard
I heard
I heard the judge
"He's not insane, just had a grudge!"

I cried
I cried
I cried out loud
The jury sent me to my shroud

I sat
I sat
I sat right there
My butt in the electric chair

I fried
I fried
I fried so well
I’m going down, right down to he[nf]ll

I say
I say
I say of course
In my next life, I’ll just divorce!

Word count: 135
 
5
By Ebonheart (Score: 6.62)
1

Here is Jack
Jack is back
Jack loves Jill
Jack loves to kill

Jack made pals
With lots of gals
Jack would play
He’d play all day

Jack went down
To London town
He had some fun
He made blood run

Jack has a knife
For taking life
Jack likes blood
That flows in floods

Word count: 55
 
6
By PennyLane (Score: 6.168)
4

Jack O’Jog he loved to run
And run and run and have such fun

He would run inside the house
He would even chase the mouse
And the cat and big black dog
Out into the misty fog.


Running out and in all day
His mum said, “Jack be still today.”

But, he ran
Yes on this day
He ran and ran
And would not stay.

He ran up the big, green hill
And his mother followed still,
Down the hill and back again
And past the yellow Zimzam’s den.

Jack you stop!
You come back now!

But he ran past the jiggajow
The jiggajow that looks a lot
Like a brown cow with a white spot.

And then he passed the ziggazen
That looks like an enormous hen.

He ran and ran
And ran and ran
He would not stop
He would not drop
He loved to run
It was such fun.

He was having lots of fun
As through the woods he did run
Past the jilly jelly trees
Full of little mellymees.
That sat and ate the jilly jellys
Filling their gigantic bellies.


He ran on and on and on
Past the Jittle and the Zon
Who were happy as they lay
And watched their children play and play

Jack ran on, he did not stop
His mother went to call a cop.
But still he ran and ran and ran
As fast as a tall, biggish man.

He ran and ran and paid no heed.
He did not think he had a need
To do what his good mother said.
Not even watch where he did tread.

And this was the end of Jack this day
For he ran and ran and would not stay
He ran right up to a big cliff
And then it was in a fast jiff
Jack, the boy who ran and ran
Would never turn into a man.
Over that he cliff he did fall
And Jack O’Jog he was no more.

And there lay that poor Jack O’Jog
On a long, brown skinny log.

Poor old Jack
He did pay
He did pay on this sad day
When he did not stop or stay.
Yes it’s very true indeed,
That what your mum says you must heed!

Word count: 378
 
7
By philgtaylor (Score: 6.022)
1

I do not know
just what to do
I do not know
whats killing you

Yes I know
your tummy aches
and all your bones
easily break

Your liver will not let you live
Your heart it is about to give
Your legs are all but paralysed
and cellulite has got your thighs

Your poor dear mother so helpless now
Will have to live without you - how?
Your children are too young to cook
Your husband left you on the hook

Some young girl stole his heart away
And somehow YOU now have to pay

His loans you now must pay are due
You dont have energy to sue
He will pay no cash to you
He denies they are his children too.

Your night stand full of little bottles
Stacked high amongst themselves
To soothe your many aches and throttles
you search amongst the shelves

Hychristilate and bexaline
Borazijate and zostixine
Prodazajex in a maroon sump
Dont forget your stomach pump

Rozjastisane and Bloxtijex
And Istabulasotirex
Bloxidone and blazzajex
and they're just for side effects

Mysterious stuff in pills of red
Aspirin to soothe your head
Pretty soon you will feel callow
And it will be too hard to swallow

And now in debt you are immured
Thats because you're uninsured.

A paupers grave, a canvas sack
six tons of dirt upon your back.

Your kids shall starve with empty fridge
They'll end up in an orphanage.

Your life has become less than a joke
If only you had never smoked.

Word count: 252
 
8
By celticfrog (Score: 5.927)
1

Gone is Sam.
Sam is gone,
He up and died,
And at his side
Green eggs and ham.

No more on a train,
No more in the rain,
No more with box or sox or fox.
Gone is Sam
Sam is Gone.

The Cat came back
and doffed his hat.
He was such a shade of blue
Even Thing One and Thing Two
Could not think what to do.

The Sneetches with stars,
and Sneetches without
came by to weep
The tears down their faces creep
to see their friend at his last sleep.

No more in a house,
No more with a mouse
Not in light or dark, or sea.
Gone is Sam,
Sam is Gone.

Now the Who's sang
from tallest to small,
Even the Grinch,
whose heart shrank not an inch
from sadness did not flinch.

No more in the end,
No more with a friend,
Not here, or there, or anywhere
Gone is Sam,
Sam is Gone.

Green eggs and ham
At his side.
He up and died.
Gone is Sam,
Sam is Gone.

Word count: 178
 
9
By raekoe (Score: 5.443)
1

In a sack, my heart is black,
The blackest black inside the sack,
It did not turn black from a cat,
It did not turn black for my hat,
Inside the sack my heart is black,
The blackest black in the sack,
It did not blacken from a bat,
But It did blacked from a rat,
The rat was black, he stole my sack,
And never ever brought it back,
In the sack my heart is black,
The blackest black inside the sack.

Word count: 83
 
10
By redcat57 (Score: 5.375)
0

my-oh-my
I have to say,
Goodbye to all
this is my last day!

My house blew up
my cat is dead
What to do?
So much pain in my head

I opened the gas
then searched for my pan.
When I lit the lighter
there was a big bang

my-oh-my
What to do?
my bird, my dog
all dead too.

How could I,
have been so dumb?
Now I've lost
all my fingers and thumbs

my feet, my legs
I no longer feel
Knowing well,
I'll never heal

my-oh-my
I have to say
the angel of death
is coming my way.

Word count: 101
 

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