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Infomercial Products You Can't Live Without

Infomercial Products You Can't Live Without

In memory of Billy Mays
Contest ended 5 years ago 8/6/2009 12:00:00 AM EDT

Contest Info

  • Cost: 2 credits
  • Jackpot: 12 credits

Contest Options

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First Place
# 1
By Brendan (Score: 6.992)
7

Hello! I'm Jimmy Sellright, and I'm here to tell you about the Bottomless Box.

Do you have boxes piling up in your basement and attic? Are your closets overflowing? Is your car sitting in the driveway because there's no room in your garage? Holiday decorations! Old photographs! Your wife's wedding dress! Your house is bursting at the seams, and the storage unit you rented across town is costing a fortune! What are you going to do?

Fortunately, the good people at Infinite Innovations have developed the Bottomless Box. No matter how much stuff you put inside it, it never fills up.

Sound too good to be true? It isn't. Take a look at the box in front of me. Looks about large enough to hold a television, right? What if I told you that it contains ten televisions, twenty wardrobes full of clothes, one thousand photo albums, and enough DVDs that if you stacked them end-to-end, they'd reach to the moon and back? And yet it never weighs more than five pounds!

Don't believe me? Watch this! There are no special effects, no camera trickery being employed. I am actually lowering a Christmas tree into this box. I can put in a dozen more and still close the lid. Look! I'm lifting the box as though it weighs nothing at all, even though I happen to know that it contains a marble birdbath, a treadmill, and a 15-volume set of encyclopedias.

And the best part is, whenever I want to retrieve something, I can just reach right in and grab it. Hey, where's that copy of War and Peace I put in this box six years ago? Here it is! I could have ten thousand books in this box and it wouldn't matter. I just reach in, and the one I happen to be looking for is right on top of the stack.

How much would you expect to pay for a box that can hold the entire contents of your grandmother's attic with room to spare? One hundred dollars? Five hundred dollars? How about $19.95 plus shipping and handling?

But that's not all. Call within the next ten minutes and we'll include the Vanishing Box at no charge. Don't pay thousands for someone to haul away your old refrigerator. Just put it in the Vanishing Box and it disappears forever!

Our operators are standing by. Call now!

Word count: 399
 
Second Place
# 2
By klaptonic (Score: 6.849)
5

Greetings fellow cave people! This is Ugg McGrunt with the Neanderthal Shopping Channel, coming to you live from downtown Bedrock.

By now you know about or fabulous club to hit things with. You may even be one the lucky few who bought the revolutionary new wheel from us. Well have I got a special treat for you today. Our clan of experts have gotten together and come up with an invention that will change the world as you know it!

Are you tired of sitting in dark and dank caves?
Are you worried about people stealing your club, wheel or Woman?
Are you tired of eating raw meat or hard potatoes?

I have got what you been looking for - FIRE. Don’t be scared, this isn’t the raging inferno your father was scared of. We have tamed the fire and you can now use its awesome power to help you in your everyday life.

Our experts have discovered the secret of two magic rocks that when banged together will create a spark that will light a small bundle of dried grass on fire.

Hey! Who’s that sneaking around in the cave at night? With fire, you’ll know! It lights up the cave so you can see. It will even keep you warm when it’s cold outside and it will also dry out you wet loin cloth (no more chafing for you!).

But wait… that’s not all.

With fire you get smoke, and guess what? That will drive away those pesky mosquitoes and flies… and smoke will add flavor to your food.

Hey! Have you ever been sitting in a cave with your clan when a bear or mountain lion suddenly comes sniffing around? What do you do? Yell and throw rocks, hoping it leaves and doesn’t eat anyone? With fire that will be thing of the past. The next time one comes sneaking around just grab a burning branch and wave it in the animals face. PRESTO! No more predators!

If you act now you will not only get two magic rocks and a bundle of dried grass, but we’ll also include not one, but two of our top selling clubs. And if you are one of the first one-hundred people to respond we will also include, absolutely for free, the revolutionary wheel.

******
Coming soon on the Neanderthal Shopping Channel… a land bridge to the new world!

Word count: 396
 
Third Place
# 3
By Shillelagh (Score: 6.172)
4

Do you have a sensitive nose? Are your allergies being constantly tormented by the strong floral perfumes worn by your friends and family? Put your tissues and hankerchiefs to rest- have we got the solution for you! New, from the fine Italian salon Sin Olor comes their brand new scent: Unscented! You'll never have to worry about watery eyes again with this refreshing unscented scent. Buy your bottle direct from us before it hits the stores, and bypass the department store markup. Unscented perfume... get your hands on this exciting new scent today!

Word count: 93
 
4
By philgtaylor (Score: 5.675)
4

Ever wanted the most versatile substance known to man?

Ever wondered "what is the nontoxic alternative to harsh industrial chemicals"?

WE have the answer for YOU!

It is a SOLID!

It is a LIQUID!

It is a GAS!

Found in nature, this AMAZING substance has been hailed by civilizations ancient and modern as the VERY source of life.

You can COOK with it

You can CLEAN with it

You can even drink it straight from the bottle.

And turn it into a gas, you can use it to clean curtains, clean your carpets, or fog up the windows of your neighbor's car.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

Just take some from your freezer, and you have a valuable tool in first aid, you can add some to your favorite scotch whisky, you can even use it to remove gum from your hair.

Wash your car! Use it in the laundry! Or simply drink it straight while excercising with friends!

Yes DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE. Available in all taps everywhere.

Word count: 166
 
5
By paula1789 (Score: 4.876)
5

Have you ever sat on you sofa and wanted kettle to come to you?
Have you ever wished the toilet wasn't at the other side of the flat?

I know you have because you have stopped channel surfing.
The answer is here!

For the tiny price of £499.99 + £19.99 p+p
You could be the proud owner of this new and improved home pulley system.
This new age invention means you don't need to get up any more, ether strap yourself in and pull yourself across or strap the many items you want to come to you!

Ed from York " this is ace I don't need to move from computer and if I need the loo I can just pull my self with hardly any effort. I can play Warcraft all day!

Paul from London " I thought I was going to have to get up when I lost the controller for the tv with this amazing invention the tv comes to me!

With many happy customers you could join them.

Today and today only we have an offer for you.... not only do you get the basic pull to it or pull it to you system,
You get a bathroom add on free! Yes free!
But it doesn't stop there you get all these little extras to make you like easier:
* Clip on cup holders
* Push and pull board, a board that you can push to someone else and then pull back to you.
Use the push pull board for:
* Cups of tea
* Snacks
* Pizza when you get it delivered (pull the pizza, push the money back)
* Tv guide between you and your mate
* Animals

Don't miss out on this amazing offer today and be one of the special ones.
Dial 555-I-WANT-IT-NOW or order online at www.lazzyness.com/youknowyouwantit


Brought to you by lazzyness.com
Making life easier

Word count: 309
Please do not critique my entry.
 
6
By MeanieBobeanie (Score: 3.539)
1

The Sighpod immediatley comes up with snappy responses to questions asked by others! From simples sighs toWinding paragraphs. And YOU don't have to say a thing! Let the SighPod handle tricky situations, and mean people! Here are some prime examples of SighPod comebacks.
'No'
'Your mother'
'Where you born 40?'
Buy the SighPod today, or regret forever while the SighPod is STILL at a low, low, price!

Word count: 67