A Worther with wisdom to share
said this pic needs a touch of lens flare
next time I'll think twice
before taking advice
from someone who's mantle is bare

Whose idea was it, Justin or Janet?
We're not entirely sure who began it
But I'll tell you for free
The real boobs on TV
Were the networks who ran and re-ran it.

Technology promised us ease,
It's simply the world's greatest tease,
In the past once was great,
Now it's backup, update,
I do twice as much now, if you please

I went to a bar near the river
and drank shots with a smile and a shiver
I yacked up my drink
right into the sink
I think I just ruined my liver

I know a big girl named Elaine
eating dinner with her is a pain
she stuffs her large face
as if it's a race
to see how much weight she can gain

The Democrat Primary's scary
Every day it gets more and more hairy
For the Dems weren't to keen
On Clark, Edwards and Dean
So watch the Party commit Hari-Kerry!

There once was a movie so bad,
That I cried not because I was sad
It bored me to tears,
And as my greatest fears,
Not one, but two sequels it had

At work they set up bright orange cones
So I can dig up dusty old bones
There's no money made
In the archaeology trade
I should have studied banking and loans!

A Scottish lass who hailed from Glasgow,
to everyone her backside would show,
Her girlfriends thought her cras,
when she wiggled her ass,
but the men's cheers could be heard in Glencoe!

Trapped in an elevator car
With Carrot Top and Roseanne Barr
One bullet, one gun
It's the end of my run
Why couldn't it be a porn star?