Spammel: Spam + camel: Although you can identify one of the meats you'd much rather not.

Toak: tofu + steak

The new product for all vegetarians who just can’t dispense with the taste of good old beef but don’t want to feel the guilt of eating a whole steak.

Warning: The Vegetarian Society does not approve of toak as vegetarian food.

Brusselchokes

The chief benefit of these little gems is that they are the ideal dieting food since they are completely inedible. Combining the upchucking taste of Brussle Sprouts with the sliminess of Artichoke Hearts, the mere sight of these little morsels will have you off your feedbag for a week.

It's TEEF, an exciting combination of tofu and beef. Coming from our world famous genetically modifed Tows (the tofu cows of Central Uzbekistan), this dish is perfect for the beginner vegetarian. It might taste like foam rubber, but it looks and feels like meat!

Constipated? Anemic? Both?

Forget the iron supplemenst that can constipate you and the fiber pills that bring bloat.

Solar Drudge proudly presents: Garsins

Made from only the finest dried grapes and hand-peeled garlic, Garsins taste great, are packed with energy, and clean you out... gently and naturally.

Try some today!

Kumsprouts: kumquats + brussel sprouts. Once found only at the concession stands in adult theatres, this taste sensation is now available to the general public, providing they’re above the legal age of 18.

Chicken + Parsnips = this tasteless, colorless, useless dish will let you enjoy all other flavors without spoiling your palate.

Zusparagus: zucchini+asparagus. As the latest in a line of exclusive hybrids, Zusparagus combines the stringiness of asparagus with the gag”"reflex inducing mushiness and flavor of the zucchini. This is probably the most expensive and disgusting food you will ever enjoy!

Bataya = Banana + Pitaya. This hybrid fruit has all the nutrients of a banana, but with the fun skin of a dragon fruit. Just peel it scale by scale to enjoy its delicious innards.

cakon= cake + bacon

You thought cake was good before, but everything is better with bacon!

To make cakon:
Bake a cake
Fry bacon (but don't make it too crispy to put on the cake)
Ice the cake
Wrap cake in bacon (the more the better!)
Enjoy!