Let me tell you about my brother Jude;
He’s sharp as a knife, whereas I'm subdued.
At school he’s rough and kind of crude,
But he hangs with me and he calls me Dude.

It’s back to school so, for her brood,
Mom packed lunchboxes full of food.
She made sure we were dressed and shoed,
And combed our hair, newly shampooed.

Once through the gates, we both collude
To allow Mom’s work some latitude.
So with open shirts, our ties eschewed,
We parade our stylish habitude.

While mixing with the multitude,
The tough school bully challenged Jude;
But the school bell quelled their attitude
And they vowed to meet in the interlude.

At mid-morning break the sides were cued
To cheer on their man as the fight ensued;
But a watching teacher stopped the feud
And marched them off, as the boys all booed.

The bully fumed and boiled and stewed
On the unfinished fight, and then did allude
That I had snitched. He’d come unglued!
And that’s how I became imbrued.

For the rest of the day the rumours brewed
That I invited ”˜Sir’ to intrude;
My reputation had to be renewed,
And my honour repaired with certitude.

The blackness of my brother’s mood
Was now evident as his rage accrued,
So the bully got scared and was heard to conclude
That a mistake had been made. How very shrewd!

Now we both get respect and nobody’s rude;
‘Cos if they are, they know they’re screwed!

The summer passed too fast without a care.
A tang of autumn crispness bites the air.
On cue, gold buses pop up everywhere
Like dandelions, creating traffic snare.

Blue ribbons bind my daughter’s braided hair;
New backpack holds a sandwich, snacks to share,
Blank notebooks, pencils, paste, and crayons fair
For new refrigerator gallery fare.

The tyranny of ticking clock won’t spare
A mother needing more time to prepare;
I look for shoes that form a matching pair
Her chubby legs dance restless on the stair.

A kiss, a hug, for me and teddy bear
And all too soon she’s out the door, aware
That other kids are watching. As they stare,
Her nonchalance becomes a shield she’ll wear.

The sunny days have vanished in thin air;
I see her grown-up ways and I despair.

We meet again in the place of learning,
Long-forgotten fears returning,
Head aswim and stomach churning.
Recalling adolescent yearning,
Linda's memory at each turning.
There she is! My cheeks are burning.
Nervous, I can't help but gurning,
Dropping heavy hints concerning
Just how much I'm currently earning.

I went to school, I had to go
I used my skills, since I'm a pro
But teachers laughed with gusto
And thought that I was simply loco!
I need answers, quickly though!
Is the state ruled by a pharaoh?
Who wrote The Raven, was that Li Po?
Wasn't he some crazy wino?
And who named Friday, was that Groucho?
Caesar was the first name of Crusoe.
While Marx became the Count of Cristo,
Monte tried to catch a gecko
To scare Jim, but it bit his toe
Or was that Huck and a mosquito?
I really need to learn this, pronto
The summer's stolen all that I know,
So, back to school so I can re-grow
All that knowledge that's now a no-show
Do remember if that planet's Pluto?

I thought not of the coming fray
Whilst tanning in the sun I lay

Soaking in each gleaming ray
Hopping to each glad soiree

Fast the weeks they flew away
All planning did I delay

Until I looked with grave dismay
Where I'd not looked since late last May

While the sun shined, I made not hay
Now is that most dreaded day

"Teacher, Teacher," their mouths doth bray
While they ignore the things I say

"Sit down! Shut up! Be Still and Stay!"
"Do your work!" I plead and pray

I do my best to convey
That the students must obey

Alas, respect is now passé
All my threats hold little sway

It appears that I was lead astray
By summer fun and summer play

As I sit and watch my class decay
I rue the tenor of my way

Summed up best with old cliché
New Jersey there is now to pay

I couldn't help but stop and stare
At the new dinner lady standing there.
I learned her name was Daisy DuClare,
She was buxom and bonny, with bouncy blonde hair
And delightfully dressed in blue jeans and mohair.

I joined the boisterous queue that gathered there
And pretended to be interested in the freshly-cooked fayre.
Burgers, chips, and Fish a la Meuniere.
Tempting grub, but nothing that could compare
To the dinner lady and her stainless cookware.

I was earlier coerced into a schoolboy dare
To ask her the colour of her underwear!
But rather concerned about my immediate welfare,
I simply carried my tray and sat on a chair
And attempted maths homework... six times square.

Needless to say, my mind dwelled elsewhere
To a tropical island, hot from the sun's glare.
I was living the life of a billionaire
Wearing designer shades and looking rather debonair,
And Ms DuClare was now a sexy female corsair!

She poured me Jamaican Rum coffee from the cafetiere
And offered me a bite of a fresh cream eclair.
I thanked her with a kiss and then offered to share,
She declined, citing something about 'cordon-sanitaire',
Preferring instead to play a game of Chemin De Fer.

The school siren let out a shrieking blare,
My daydream soon changed into a nasty nightmare.
"Wake up! You're late for class, Bobby-Jim Blair!"
I looked up from my plate, at the Principal's despair,
Grabbing my books, I sprinted out for some air.

Listen up, all you nerds and jocks
All your knowledge collected in .docs
You’ve discarded old gym shorts and locks
Hats square like a cardboard box
Standing in rows with your matching frocks.
Former teachers with their eyes like hawks
Smirk and say, “You think this rocks?
Well, welcome to the school of hard knocks.”

From freshman to senior, the change is insane
Yet the whole purpose is simply to train
A new generation again and again
About such things like the country of Spain
Or what causes the hurt of chest pain
How bread is from flour is from wheat is from grain
Why people are harsh and why some are humane
The history behind Saddam Hussein
The difference between the left and right brain
Types of lettuce, one of which is romain
Science behind a presidential campaign
About the superficial middle cerebral vein
Or simpler things, like financial gain
How one would use a whether vane
The map of an environment's food chain
How rubber is made with the help of butane
The mechanics behind a working jet plane
What chemicals are good and which we should contain
Causes of the disaster called acid rain
Why not to use the drug cocaine
How to make the dish Chow Mein
In woods class how to make a cane
On roads which is the fast and slow lane
How to draw a DNA strain
The different varieties and species of crane
Yet, as always, teens will complain
But if we can just get a chance to explain,
The fear of highschool will be slain
And a good education they can maintain.

I comb my messy hair
Put on fresh underwear
Walk outside in despair
A building looms: beware!
I enter Teacher's lair
I cannot find a chair
Ah, now I spy a pair
I guess I shall sit there
The teacher speaks with flair
But me, I do not care
I miss the summer air

All of my life I’ve been introverted,
Quiet, reserved, it can be asserted,
But a moment ago, that was inverted,
With a few simple words that I just blurted.

“This year I’ll be cool” - I thought I’d assured it,
All freshly pressed pants and button-up shirted.
I said with a gusto, (not a bit disconcerted)
“A nerd up till now, but this year I skirt it!”

When the bell rang, to class we all herded,
The playground and hallways were quickly deserted,
We sat in our groups, the way we preferred it,
Up to this point: embarrassment averted

Our teacher for writing was Mr. McDurtit,
From his mouth questions were frequently spurted,
During his lecture, this one was worded:
“In my sentence, where’s my full stop asserted?”

A soon as I said it, I wished to reword it,
Outside of my head, it sounded perverted,
But there’s nothing to do, everyone heard it:
“I’ll tell you where, in your end it’s inserted!”