Rex gave his horse a swat with one had and waved his Stetson with the other. "Go on home, Stormy." As the horse trotted off in the direction of the ranch, Rex turned his eyes to the night sky, hoping. He wondered, not for the first time, if he might be crazy.

A streak of color from the horizon interrupted his thoughts and he forgot all doubts. He kicked his heels into the air and his impetuous "yippee ki yay!" was accompanied by the jangle of spurs. Rex grinned like a little boy on Christmas morning and watched the light shift from red to blue and grow rapidly larger. She was back.

Tumbleweeds flew as the silver saucer settled onto the prairie and Rex could no longer contain himself as the door slid open and a ramp extended from the craft to the ground. He was halfway up when he glimpsed her form silhouetted in the opening. Her long legs, sensuous curves, and twitching tail outlined in the warm light of the doorway brought to his mind the details of their last meeting. Aside from the probing, it had been the most wonderful night of his life. Rex paused only a moment to drink in the sight of her then redoubled his pace up the ramp.

"Howdy, darlin'. How was your trip?" He didn't give her a chance to respond, taking her in his arms and kissing her tenderly. She returned his embrace and the passion of their greeting threatened to ignite the dry grass on the plains around them. Her batlike ears twitched with pleasure as he stroked her violet fur.

When his lips finally lifted from hers, she giggled. Their eyes met, cold blue steel boring into glowing pink as though he could read her soul. "And what, pray tell, has you so tickled? Is it my moustache?"

She shook her head. "I find it amusing that I have not lacked oxygen while travelling through the vacuum of space but you, my heart, so easily leave me breathless."

Yarpel looked dotingly on his bride once they were safely out of sight of their guests.

"This may sound silly to you, my schliplig, but I do love it when you turn that spectacular shade of yellow."

"I was so nervous!" Nebalt confided, "but I'm so happy! I've wanted you for so long..."

Yarpel gargled, oozing purple. "And how I wanted you! The three days of preparation were almost unbearable."

"Yes," Nebalt said coyly, "But wasn't it worth the anticipation?"

"Absolutely... I'd have waited a year to be matched with you!"

Her eye connected with his, and they gazed at each other for a long time in contented silence.

"But on to less pleasant matters..." Nebalt sighed, breaking away from his stare (a stare that they'd been sharing for over a week now), "My family-group expects offspring within the month."

He rocked back and forth for a few terrifying moments and his gargle changed in pitch. "I was hoping to wait a few weeks! Must we...?"

But she insisted, reminding him gently that the bond had to be made sooner or later. So, reluctantly, he agreed.

They crossed their tentacles, lobes beginning to throb an agitated green. More gargling as they both trembled at the pain of their chemicals combining.

After a moment, it was over, and they broke a way, still trembling.

"How many offspring are your family-group expecting?" Yarpel complained.

"Mrrglh..." she sighed, not wanting to tell him, "Two!"

"We have to do this AGAIN?" he moaned.

"Not for another month... we have to give this one time to incubate..."

"Why did I ever lay eye on you..."

She looked at him again, and as the agony ebbed away, he apologized.

"I'm glad we got it over with... at least for now!"

She blinked at him reassuringly before they returned to the Joining ceremony and absorbed as much triffleb as they could get away with.

As Mr. Happy Face smiled, Miss Fun E. smiled back. You could almost hear
the sound of their make-up cracking. He held her gloved hand.
"You know Miss E.", he said, "I've be checking out your fuzzy buttons for some
time now. It all started when our bodies united as one in the clown car. I know
you had to notice my clownhood pushing against your tight twisted body. Yes,
that was me, not any of those other clowns. You have always done something
to me, ever since I saw you juggle those six puppies. Not one was ever harmed,
so I know you have a good heart. I guess you could this puppy love."
Mr. Happy Face batted his eyes and sparkles began to fall.
"Please Miss E., tell me you feel the same way."
Miss E. stopped holding Happy's dirty white glove and looked deep into his eyes.
"I'm sorry Happy", she said, "but I've been seeing someone else. At first we
were stangers, but I couldn't help but notice him. He's tall, pasty and ever so
handsome. Not saying that you're not a good looking clown, but his round red
nose just melts my heart, and when he gives off that loud laugh, I find myself
laughing too. So don't be upset Happy, there's plenty of other clowns in the
tent, and one day, their floppy shoes will walk right into your life."
Miss E. got up and kissed Happy on his sweaty forehead.
"I hope we can still be friends", and with that she walked away in a cloud of
sawdust.

Bonzo fumbled clumsily with his ridiculously oversized buttons. A task made all the more difficult by the novelty foam gloves that were bending and squishing around his shirt.

“Yarrr, this be your first time me laddy?” Roger the pirate replied in his deep gruff voice. The rather large bearded pirate lay spread out on Bonzo’s rainbow waterbed; shirt wide open to reveal his hairy scar covered chest. Nodding nervously Bonzo mopped the sweat from his brow, finding some use for his foam gloves. Roger chuckled in a piratey manner and climbed to his feet placing a hand firmly on the shaking clown’s horn... *honk*. Bonzo’s face flushed with embarrassment, his cheeks reddening to match his nose. A smirk spread across Rogers’s wrinkled face and he squeezed the horn again. *Honk* Bonzo let out a sharp sigh of both surprise and pleasure; he stared into Rogers eyes and for the first time he could see beyond the emptiness, beyond the harsh faraway glare and into the pirates soul. His eyes sparkled like two golden doubloons. *Honk*, Bonzo felt his knees weaken. *Honk* *honk* *honk*. Roger lowered the shaking clown onto the bed, never letting his hand slide off the horn.
“Yaarrr, you like that don’cha me laddy!” Roger rubbed his peg leg furiously with one hand all the while honking the sensitive horn. Bonzo lay back overcome by the sensations washing over him *honk*, he twitched; *honk*. Bonzo could feel a heat building up inside him as Roger cackled maniacally leaning down and taking the clowns big red horn into his mouth. *Honk* the sound was muffled by Rogers tongue, but the pleasure was the same. Bonzo closed his eyes tight and let out a silent cry as liquid shot from the flower on his shirt covering Roger’s ragged beard.

Releasing the deflating horn from his mouth, Roger climbed up the bed and stared at his satisfied companion, blowing an orange hair from his face. “Yarrr” he said bringing the exhausted clown into his arms. “Yarrrrr”.

The music blared lyrics of love, something Bard was beginning to understand, the stage filled with a myriad of dancers, spinning, whirling, colours merging into one. Bard’s heart began to beat faster in anticipation. He sat forwards in his seat straining to get a glimpse of his beloved.

The long journey across the galaxy was reaching a climax. The heartache Bard had suffered just a distant memory. Butterflies danced in anticipation in his stomach, he could hardly breathe. Then Harlequin twirled into view cartwheeling and somersaulting. Bard’s heart skipped a beat. The coloured diamonds shone from his skin, more beautiful than the advertising poster.

Bard couldn’t contain his excitement. He jumped up trying to catch Harlequin’s attention. Then a moment of doubt, what if Harlequin didn’t recognise him with these Earthling 'clothes'. Their eyes finally met and the doubt flowed from Bard’s body. Looking into those blue eyes, glistening like the rock-pools on Angelis 4, he thought for a moment he could see into Harlequin’s soul. This was destiny, the only two alike in body and soul in the galaxy. With a twist and a flip Harlequin was gone.

Bard knew what he had to do. He rushed to the box office, he found the lady who had helped him exchange strange 'currency' for tickets. ”˜Harlequin, where’s Harlequin?’. Before she could answer he saw him.

Breathless Bard ran towards the doorway flinging back the curtains shouting Harlequin’s name. The clown strutted over, "Are you alright mate?" his voice like beautiful music. Bard stood speechless. "You know you shouldn’t be in here, artists only" he sang. Bard opened his mouth, but nothing emerged, all the things he wanted to say, all the love he wanted to declare.

His throat dry, his heart beating like a drum, it felt like an eternity before Bard could speak. "I have searched the galaxy to find you, my Harlequin, my soul mate". The clown stepped backwards watching in amazement as Bard undressed, revealing his brightly coloured skin.

Bard reached out to touch the clown. Adam moved to push the alien away but was caught out by his supernatural speed and held in an embrace. He could feel Bard’s body quivering, he felt himself strangely drawn to his multicoloured skin. Their lips touched, Bard’s forked tongue darting into Adam’s mouth. Electricity flowed and in that split second they both knew they were meant to be together.

Chuckles slowly approached XZ100, the sun reflected in her metal exterior. Her artificial head spun one hundred and eighty degrees, her whirring being the most soothing sound Chuckles had ever heard.
"Oh Chuckles," said XZ100, her thin, skeletal fingers fondling his poorly-painted grin, "People say because I'm a robot, I have no soul."
"But you do," said Chuckles, as a tear rolled down his red nose, making it sparkle, "They say what soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. And you make me laugh, so you must have a soul."
"Oh, Chuckles!" Though she could not feel his warmth, XZ100 held him close. "Let me hear your laugh. Your wonderful, insane laugh!"
And thus, there was a torrent of laughter escaping from Chuckles' throat, a sound which would send most children to therapy but assured XZ100 that she was more than the unholy result of playing God.

"Yarrr me hearty", I said, grabbing the girl by her waist and pulling her tight like a bosun's knot, "ye know I loves ya, but we cannot be!"
"But why?" she whispered, her nose almost touching mine and her breasts pressed against me like a couple of soft coconuts.
"Ye know why me darlin', because of tha rules!"
"The rules?", she cried, "What do you mean the rules?" She looked divine, like a lone mermaid glistening in the sun.
"Tha rules! Tha cursed rules!"
"But the rules are there my love! There to be followed!"
"And there be tha problem me sweetheart, there be tha problem! I used t' believe in tha rules, I didn't have a choice! If I let tha wind take 'em like so many of me hats over tha years then it woulda taken me as well! But now, I cannot respect 'em, tha rules are a farce!"
"A farce, what do you mean my love? I don’t understand!"
"Tha rules don't mean a thing no more! They used t' be simple, like tha tides! They came n they went n never did they try n guide tha sand! But now? Now they cannot leave it alone, they're a sham! There's no freedom no more! There's no hope for tha rules no more! There is no hope for US!"
"But we need each other! You and I, we cannot exist apart!"
Her sirens call echoed in the caverns of my heart as I pulled myself free of her grasp, turned and walked away. It wasn't that I didn't love her, I did, but the powers that be would never let our love be free, be itself. They would keep taking and taking, taking away any choice that remained for us until we were nothing but a charade. In a weak bid to keep life interesting they were taking away everything that made life what it was, every option, every freedom.
"Goodbye me love", I shouted back as I pulled myself up aboard my ship and took one last look at her standing on the dock, alone and desperate like a lone palm tree on the horizon. "When there is freedom again, I will be back for ye' n we will live n love n laugh again!" I turned my back one last time and headed, teary eyed towards a new sun.

"Hit me again Marty" I said, splattered with cheap itchy makeup, just kicked out from a childrens party in the West. I looked around, smoke, beer and the unpleasant smell of B.O wafting in the distance. "Howdy pardner..." somebody whispered into my ear. Who was this? I looked to the left and there stood a well-built checked cowboy, his arms like they would take bullets, his face perfectly chisseled like a Greek God. "Well hello there.. Partner" I whispered with joy as I reached out and touched the cowboys hand. I felt myself going red, through my white makeup it would look like a pink colour. I bowed my head down. The cowboy touched my chin with his amazingly soft hands, these hands.. They will have held guns, whips and now they were touching my face. The cowboy lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes, my eyes with black diamonds smeared all over my face. "I'm Rex, Rex Allen" the cowboy softly spoke into my eyes. "Im Bubbles, Bubbles the Clown, let's say you and me hit the dance floor.." I spoke in my sexiest voice as I grabbed his bandanna and pulled him towards me. He wrapped his arms around my neck, I put my arms lightly on his waist, we slowdanced to N-dubz, Usher and Dizzee Rascal for hours, our cheeks touching. "Ill go get some beer" Rex said as he dissapeared into the smoke and shortly returned with 2 pints of beer. We sat down at a table and sipped at our drinks, for what seemed like seconds, before everything went.. blurry, dizzy, faint.

I was awoken by the sound of a flushing toilet. That can't be right. I rubbed at my eyes. I was sprawled out on the toilet floor with my spotty red pants at my ankles. Why would Rex do this? I loved Rex, more than I had loved anybody, ever. This wasn't going to ruin my night. I stepped outside, splashed some water on my face and went back into the main area of the pub. And there was Rex. Standing with a different ... person? He was dancing with a robot. What did this Robot have that he didn't? "I...WILL...EXTERMINATE...YOU...NOW!" The Robot bleeped. And the next think I knew, I was on the floor, under the robot, with Rex standing right there... Laughing.