Here lies Schrodinger...
...maybe.

Here Lies
Orson Heckleberry

A Leader of Men
In Number of Grand Larceny's Committed

A Face Known to Millions
Of America's Most Wanted Viewers

A World Traveler
According to Interpol

A Man of Letters
Filled With White Powder

A Vigorous Athlete
Climbing Many Times Into Chris Hanson's Seat Over There

A Devoted Husband
To Seven Women

A Lover of Animals
Until the Farmer Got a New Lock

He Will Be Missed
By CourtTV Producers

He Has Now Gone to His Great Reward
As Did the Bounty Hunter Who Shot Him

Here lies a noted mathematician
Who never thought he’d be a hero;
He found himself in this position
By being the first to divide by zero.

So much for the prognosis

Don’t be afraid of death. But that thing standing behind you I’m not so sure of…

iCame
iSaw
iConquered

Here lays me, as old as can be.
My eyes still glow, my cheeks still blush, I’m still in my suit, what the heck was the rush.
With my hat all fluffed and my belly still stuffed, they left me as I was even with my boots all buffed.
I know I’m not ready to go, and now I have to leave behind the cookie dough.
Being jolly just aint the story no more, so say good-bye to old man you adore.

In life I had no master,
But to the world's music I was a slave,
So in death I have a radio in my tombstone,
Now the world can dance, dance on my grave.

I planned to live forever. This is Plan B.

There I sat; there, departed.
Meant to "go",
But plan was thwarted.

Ate not as I had intended
"Mild," I'd asked.
Soon life was ended!

Didn't think of my last curry:
Final meal!
Final worry!

Found myself upon the can,
Upset bowels,
Broken man.

Relief I sought there, only human.
That recipe had
Too much cumin!