1) Distribute costume-appropriate candy. Give raw meat to carnivorous animals. Batteries to Transformers. Razor-embedded apples to goths.

2) Ask the kids what their favorite candy is and write it down. Then close the door and time how long they wait before leaving.

3) Strenuously argue with children over what their costumes are. "No, you're not a Jedi. You're definitely the Karate Kid."

4) Claim you are all out of candy while you are munching on Tootsie Rolls and holding a large bag of them.

5) Ever notice how much individually-wrapped laxatives look like candy (hint hint)?

My Top Five Halloween Pranks.

1) Turn the welcome mat into a trap door.

2) Turn your doorbell into a low-power taser.

3) Pour gasoline into the kid's candy bags.

4) "Decorate" your lawn with real tarantulas and pythons.

5) Open the door and scream "SANTA IS YOUR PARENTS!!!"

5. Cut a hole in the bottom of the candy bowl, and tape a glove to it. Then when the trick or treaters try to grab the candy, you can grab their hands!
4. Glue the candy to the bottom of the bowl.
3. Dress in black, and hide in the bushes and scare trick or treaters when they come onto your lawn.
2. Put a note on a bowl saying "take one only" and put in tooth brushes. (see how many are left!)
1. Don't answer the door when trick or treaters come to your house.

Have chocolate covered sprouts in shiny sweet like foil for treats!
Give out chocolate covered onions on sticks as treats!
Shout "TRICK", snatch their sweets, and slam the door.
Hand out business cards as treats!
In a quaint voice, remind the parents of the dangers of strangers and sweets.

Dig a pit in your pathway...cover with leaves....upload the results to YouTube.
Spray the candle light pumpkin with water.
Answer the door dressed as a dentist and then proceed the two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
Place a mirror behind the door, let them trick or treat themselves.
Have a blood drenched child (dummy for legal reasons) in view when you open the door.

1) Fart really badly when opening the door. (if you can't manage to fart at the moment the kids arrive, just leave a rotten cracked egg nearby)
2) Place super glue on the floor in front of the door.
3) Turn off the lights, leave the door partially opened and turn on a very spooky song or noises on the stereo.
4) Release the ugly Sphynx cat. (ugly but harmless)
5) Or you could just show your face without makeup.