Hello, my name is Sandra and I am a clairvoyant. This message is for Geoff who will meet me in the subway tomorrow.

I see you now, through a fog of other commuters who drift past like mist on a field, as our eyes lock for the first time. You will ask me out for dinner and, after two short weeks, I know I will be standing over you nervously with my hands twisting together like two sweaty lovers as you propose.

I want you to know right now: don’t do it! It doesn’t work out for us. Catch the bus, drive to work—anything! I don’t want to see you ever again, not after what you did—uh, will do—with your secretary. You heartless monster, don’t you even think of calling.

To all the ladies:

Let’s just lay it all on the table. I’m a man and you’re a woman…and we’re both lookin for love. I’m lookin for a lady who likes to dress real pretty and go line dancin on Friday nights. Someone who’s real smart (at least a 6th grade education), and who aint afraid of dogs (I got 14 of ’em -- 2 of which I consider my best friends). Someone who knows how to enjoy a heapin bowl of grits and the occasional sip of moonshine, and who don’t mind a few missin teeth.

As fer me, I don’t wanna brag, but some people say I look just like a young Willie Nelson. I enjoy huntin squirrels, wrestlin, fixin up my pick-up trucks, and goin to every NASCAR race within 300 miles.

If you’re not from Kentucky, don‘t you worry. I can come to you. That’s what God created mobile homes for. But in turn, you gotta be willin to take care of my granny. She goes where I go.

So if I sound like the man fer you, give me a call. The phone company says they won’t shut me off ‘til July, so call quick.
Yers truly,
Bubba

P.S. Contrary to popular belief, just cuz I’m from Kentucky doesn’t mean I’ll date a cousin. Second cousin, yes, but if yer a first cousin, don’t bother replyin.

3y3 4/\/\ 4 51nG13, 1337 H4xx0r, 4n|) 3y3 #0p3 j00 R 2. 3y3 \/\/1LL r0XX0rz y0r 50XX0rz. |)0 j00 L1|<3 P3nNy 4rC4|)3 0r /\/\3g4+0|

[For non-native speakers:]
(SLH Seeks Same
I am a single, elite Hacker, and I hope you are too. I will rock your socks. Do you like Penny Arcade or Megatokyo? Who is your favorite Dragonball Z character? Fear my elite Halo skills, you! I am not a camper. Campers suck and are lame! Meet me on the greenteam Halo server for private chat. My name is xX1337_H4xx0rXx.)

Former priest seeks female companionship. I am a 36-year-old male; never married and no have kids (obviously). I left the priesthood because I hated the celibacy thing and I want someone to show me the ropes, so to speak. I have excellent people skills and am a good listener. I no longer follow my vow of poverty but am still looking for new employment. I like quiet time alone and going to bingo halls. I think I would like to cuddle and such but I have never been on a date so I don’t know what else I like yet. I am willing to try new things though. If you would like to help me find myself, get back to me at my reply box…

S/W/F, 35-years-old, seeking man with pulse/sperm for 5 minute interlude before biological clock stops ticking. Will provide booze/drugs/cigarettes before and after quick exchange of necessary bodily fluids. No quiet walks on the beach/interesting conversations/foreplay required. No guilt about rolling over and going to sleep; after exchange, leaving premises is recommended. Later contact, in 9 months, may be necessary to discuss child support if denied welfare/WIC/free public transportation to well-baby visits.

I want a beautiful woman for lots of relations and stuff. I have a lot to offer.
- I have a real important job (cleaning out blockages in the sewage pipes).
- I am a good cook, I can fry, roast, boil or puree pigeon meat but recently it has been mostly liquified food as I can't chew much since I lost most of my teeth when my tractor ran over me. But the Doctor says I am making a good recovery and should have use of one of my legs soon.

Please send a big picture of yourself as I my good eye aint so good no more so small pictures aren't so clear. My Ma is very excited that I might be getting a girlfriend soon. She says I have to clear out all my Pornomags from my room before you come but I hope you can convince her to let me keep my favourite (with the sheep loving special). Ma will even move her bed to the other side of the room to give us privacy

My last girlfriend won't disturb us as I moved her out of my room and buried her under the porch. She smelt bad anyway and the flies was getting unbearable. Please don't apply if you smell bad too.

Single Indian man seaks ANY American female.
I am a male person which is aliving in the Indian country and lookseeing to find a female of American to become wed to myself. In my country I hear of the many goodly features of the American women such like always most beautiful even in morning time, most willful to help the husband knowing when he is making the mistake, never getting fussy at every month like Indian females, and happy upon having much of the lovemaking (preferable every day). I am a man of 15,000 Rupies, 11 sheep and 25 goats. Please contact me with interested stories because I forwardly look upon our future together.
Call 011+91-11-3715401, request talking to Nupri and asking him for my name which is Pawan, he will get me to the telephone from the goat field and we will have lovely talk of love.

I (32/male/guaranteed virgin/James-Tiberius-Kirkish type) am looking for that special someone who is no older than 25 years and very much like Seven-of-Nine (would also settle for Eight-of-Nine or even Ten-Of-Nine if lower numbers are unavailable) and to whom i can lower my shields and welcome her to the docking bay that is my parents basement. You may arrive in any state of undress, teleporter coordinates are: Someroad 7, Anytown, USA

45 year old Obese,alcoholic,hairy male with excessive body odor looking for similar woman willing to cook,clean and shave back.Hairy armpits and legs a must.Also should be willing to share one bedroom rat infested apartment with parents.Please call 1-800-ILOVEBO after friday as that is my prison release date and I will need a good smelly woman to make me feel at home again.

35 year old male who loves to play yahoo spades, canasta, literati, and sheepshead while browsing WORTH1000 and dpchallenge is looking for a woman to clean house, wash clothes, cook meals, and please me at night (only when I want to be pleased). I also like to go out with co-workers and party and expect you to clean up my mess when I come dragging in. I’m 6’0” and 375 lbs and do a lot of work for others while make you do all the work for yourself. If interested go to yahoo spades and look up WANTOOOOOO69.