In the most random film of the Millennium let eccentric director Stanley Kubrick guide you through a drug-induced space kaleidoscope punctuated by monkeys and a misguided computer with abandonment issues.

It’s the age old love story, told and retold over the years, usually better. In this sub-par cross between Romeo and Juliet and The Poseidon Adventure, you needn’t worry about missing anything while going to get more popcorn. By the way, the boat sinks. But you knew that.

Something will get blown up. Someone will talk in a fake accent. Someone will be involved in a car chase. When you haven't died hard enough and you need to die harder than you died the last time, you must "Die Hard with a vengeance".

There's nothing subliminal about this piece of product placement! Sit back and suffer the unbearable agony of the world's longest commercial. Proudly brought to you by FedEx.

In a world where Soylent Green is people, one man…

Shoot, I’ve just given away the whole movie, haven’t I?

Sorry, but there’s really not much else to it. I mean, some people talk and run around for a bit, and then…

Never mind. Sorry to have wasted your time.

A teenage girl in Kansas during the depression gets bumped on the head during a tornado and the wound is apparently doused in mescaline judging from the dream she has about faffing midgets, flying monkeys and fake magicians. I’ll let Freud explain who is represented by… The Wizard of Oz.

A long romance novel is turned into a long movie about a spoiled plantation brat who loves the guy who marries her cousin (it’s the South!) so she marries a jerk instead. Any thought that miraculously makes it into her head is destined to be … Gone With the Wind.

In this 1975 classic, Roy Sheider goes fishing for two hours........JAWS.

"She’s a girl, in need of a hero.

He’s guy who just needs love.

When a real set becomes too expensive, Disney once again steals, butchers, and animates a classic fairytale with the story of Aladdin.

...Or is it Cinderella?

...Who cares, the ending is the same anyhow…"

Special effects that make physicists cringe and cry in pain, a plot with enough loopholes to shoot environmentally safe nukes through, and do-gooder humans kicking superior alien butt because we’re sooooo smart (and use a Macintosh) – prepare to puke on Independence Day!