Heather:
Buy a newspaper
Open it to the 10-day forecast
My God!
Buy an umbrella

Living proof that
Only the cute
Succeed.
Try as they may,
Ingenious textors can
Not beat her.
Yes, despite the
Opposition’s talent,
No one can
Knock her down.
Even if they
Really
Should have.

Dormant for most of the time
Emerging now and then to rule a contest
Receives his trophies
Adds them to the pile
Lies in wait once more
To win again one day

Mother with an attitude,
Egomanical textor, she
Glowers and
Glares
Icily, giving the first place winners the
Evil eye.

Gregarious
Absurdities
Left
On
Occasional
Threads

Guess who
Always
Lurks
Online
Only
To stalk you-know-who?

Invents
Crappy
Epic
Poems,
Instantly
Giving
Shudders

Maniacally
Eccentric.
Outlandishly
With it.
Zero
Ability

(I'll probably get banned for this one - or at least ex-communicated)

JohnnyLunchbox

Johnny
Only
Hits
Negative
Notes.
"You
Loser!
Use
Nothing but
Commas." is
His
Basic
Opinion.
X-rated avatar.

Makes
Embarrassing
Gastric
Grunts
In
Ecstasy