"TRAPPED IN A SCOREBOARD FACTORY... PLEASE SEND HELP!!"

Bob- You know how you've always said that little Johnny is the spitting image of your cousin? Well, there's a reason for that.- Julie

Please remain seated. Evacuation will start with section A.

Row 14 Seat 65... Your fly is open!

“Happy Birthday to my Pookie Pie in Row 17 Seat 23! Meet me tonight for hugs and cuddles! Wink Wink! Love, your Pookie Bear!"

Joe, I've been trying to call you for weeks, but you never pick up. So here goes, the test came back positive....

Just thought you should know, we all urinated in the beer - and don't even ask us about the mustard!
- The Concession Workers Union

Chucky, Tierre, Kobe, Caron, Brian, Vlade, Devean, Brian, Jumaine, Slava, Chris, Lamar, Kareem, Sasha, and Luke,

you should know, I...uh, we have herpes!

- Paula

If you can read this, you are way too close to the bomb. 5... 4... 3..

Frank Johnson: Don't forget to pick up milk and bread on your way home from the game.