matrispam = maternal + spam

Email humor you remember from 5 years ago, now in your inbox because your mother just became computer savvy.

guffaux = guffaw + faux

A forced laugh.

Alzliemer's = lie + Alzheimer's

Alzleimer's: the paralyzing effect experienced when someone asks you how things turned out with a certain event, from a story that was actually a small white lie you told them when you last saw them over a month ago.

Cigzag = cigarette + zigzag

Cigzag: to dive erratically as you frantically beat the car seat between your legs, hoping to extinguish the lit cigarette butt that has dropped down there.

torkle = torture + tickle

The cruel and prolonged show of affection inflicted on you by Uncle Stan every time he comes to visit.

Stoodle = stoop + poodle

Stoodle: the awkward pose you assume while answering a knock at your door while holding your small dog back by his collar.

Puckle (verb) – An involuntary contraction of the mouth (or even the entire face) upon unexpectedly encountering a pickle in a cheeseburger. From pucker+pickle.

Peeze = pause + sneeze

Peeze: the several seconds of anticipation when you know you're going to sneeze, but it hasn't happened yet.

Dyscokea (n) - A type of indigestion caused by excessive consumption of cola. Often confused with dyspepsia (cf.). However, while the latter condition may be psychosomatic, dyscokea is always the real thing.

Substituted 'Pepsi' for 'Coke' in 'dyspepsia'

Roulunch = roulette + lunch

Roulunch: a Tupperware container filled with something of unknown heritage and indeterminate date that you put in the microwave anyway, because you're too lazy and too hungry to make lunch from scratch.