Outside:
The times we dined by candlelight
The nights we danced 'til three,
The horseback riding in the park,
The country club for tea.

The weekend getaways for two,
The shopping hand-in-hand,
The dreamlike cruise to Fiji,
When we frolicked in the sand.

In every memory I address
I've cherished and adored you.
And now, my love, I must confess. . .

Inside:

I simply can't afford you.

Outside:
It seems like only yesterday I promised to be yours until the day you die.

Inside:
Well, I think it's time for you to keep your end of the bargain.

Outside:
You Rock My World...

Inside:
And I'm Tired of the Same Old Song.
You can keep rockin' but I'm gonna roll.

Outside:
How Do I Love Thee?
Let Me Count The Ways. . .

Inside:

Zero.

All your stuff's on the front stoop.

Outside

You're sweeter than honey
More precious than gold,
I said that I'd have you
To have and to hold.

Inside

But you have no money
And we're getting old,
I am now leaving
The house is now sold.

So I shall go
without an ounce of remorse,
The real reason I'm running
Is your hung like a seahorse.

Outside

Love is a gift life sends.

Inside

Does life take returns? It just didn't fit!

Outside:
I'll love you till the end of time.

Inside:
Time's up.

Outside
Your soft, tender eyes are what drew me in
And I pledged I would love you like no other on Earth

Inside
It seems, though, you’ve found another love within…
…your computer. You spend too much time at Worth

Outside of card:

Dear John,
You take my breath away...

Inside of card:

...therefore, I CHOOSE LIFE!

Now go suck the life out of someone else for a change,
Jane

OUTSIDE:
Remember when I said hell would freeze over before I would stop loving you?

INSIDE:
Well, I can't make it for dinner tonight. Satan and I are going ice skating.