1) Pass out memos about a mandatory meeting. Put a different time and place on each one.

2) In the middle of a boring meeting, strip to your underwear and lay on the table. Complain how hot it is in the room.

3) Romance the coffee machine.

4) Barricade yourself in the bathroom, well-stocked with supplies and weapons. If anyone tries to come in, attack them with the soap dispenser.

5) Use your staple remover as a puppet. Insist that everyone be nice to "Toothy."

1) Phone work and tell them you’ve contracted Bubonic Plague but you’ll be in tomorrow.

2) Obtain a corpse and replace its teeth with your own (needs a little planning). Set fire to corpse. Leave a suicide note.

3) Tell work you’re having a gender crisis. Dress like Dolly Parton. (Males)
Wear dirty underwear, beer-stained clothes and a false beard. (Females)

4) Obtain B movie footage. Arrange with Worthian multimedia ace to edit-in a creepy abduction scenario. Post tape to boss. Take two weeks off and return, constantly muttering: “They’ve still got Skully.”

5) Eat 20 cans of beans. Nail office windows shut. Let go.

1. Rub yourself in chocolate then proceed to be eaten whole by Luciano Pavarotti.

2. Offer Star Jones a piggy-back ride, then collect compensation when you fall through the floor and break your back.

3. Hide donuts around your office then inform Ruben Studdard. Work will be cancelled when the office is torn apart during Ruben's search.

4. Lace the wiring of your office building with sugar and watch as electricity is cut off when Kirstie Alley mistakes the wires for licorice and eats them all.

5. Excite your boss with chance to make love to a former Playboy model and get the day off after he's crushed by Anna Nicole Smith.

#5 Get really smart, go on Jeopardy and beat Ken Jennings record.

#4 "Hire" a construction crew to cause a traffic jam that you just happen to get caught in.

#3 Get "stuck" in the elevator, if you don't have an elevator a large cardboard box will do.

#2 Hang out at the CDC and hope you catch something good.

#1 Go back to your womb, think about what you have done and don't come out until your parents are rich.

5. Brush your teeth. Fill your mouth with toothpaste bubbles. Tell your family you have rabies. Go back to bed.

4. Start a project, work on it for 2 minutes then take a break. Tell your co-workers you need to refocus your attention. Hum loudly.

3. Turn the radio on for some "thinking music." Let each song play for 30 seconds before changing stations saying, "that's interrupting my concentration!"

2. Tell people it's National Designate-Your-Work Day. And do it.

1. Tell everyone you left something in the car that you really need. Go to the car and go to sleep!

5. Call in sick....of the job.

4. Spend all of your time "working" on fake reports. Who is going to argue if you are working hard on the W1K TXT Entry report ?

3. Avoid meetings and conference calls by having your tourettes syndrome flare up.

2. Tell your boss exactly what you think of his smelly, hairy, alcoholic, wife. The only work you will have to do is cash your unemployment check and watch reruns on t.v. in your bath robe all day.

The number one way to avoid work....

1. Do what you did in kindergarten to get out of work. Wet your pants and cry for mommy.

1. phone in saying that you have explosive diarrhea, but you'll try to make it anyway
2. say that a piano fell on your car and the engine died. Go figure...
3. tell your boss that you ran over his/her dog and had to eat it because he/she doesn't pay you enough to feed your family
4. Take a pair of skates, some duct tape and a rocket engine. Strap them to your feet then call in sick
5. This one is tricky. It involves scissors, an overfed housecat, a lump of moldy cheese, a shoddily crafted sock puppet, four baby tigers, seven long-winded old men kidnapped from the local duck pond and an algerian meowing mountain llama. It's fairly simple except where are you going to get moldy cheese?

Tell your boss your cat Tabitha just passed and then cry every time you hit the "tab" key.

Remember, don't blow the Trust Fund on hookers and craps.

Suggest, organize, collect money and shop for a "Our Boss is Super!" office party. Do it on company time.

Tell the IT guy your boss has recommended Comet Cursors since they are easier to see. Tell your boss about this cool and expensive firewall thingy the IT guy was showing you. Sit back and watch the show.

Pray for a real stupid boss.

1) "24 Hour" Flu - It comes on fast and leaves you well enough for work tomorrow. Mild food poisoning works too. (Call it botulism and no one will question you.)

2)Internet - Do what I do and surf the net all day.

3) Go on strike - Take a page from the unions. It's usually a good idea to get some people to join in or there could be some repercussions.

4)"Take a Dive" - Take a fall in the warehouse or feign illness in the office. There's no shame in tossing yourself in front of a forklift for a day off. For the office, you can also refer to "Ferris Beuller's Day Off." Lick your palms so they are nice and clammy and splash some water on your face to show a little sweat.

5) Government Cheese - There is no cheese sweeter and more satisfying than government cheese. Let the gubment pay your way. Work less earn more!

1. To give yourself some time to slack, glue both your hands behind your back.
2. If you want out to get a tan, pour acid in your PC fan.
3. When people will not let you snore, try nailing shut your office door.
4. If you get handed work again, the shredder is your closest friend.
5. Or you could use this classic trick; when you're too tired, call in sick!