Picture a day in the life of a spoon, or a toothbrush. Or what if you were a shoe, or a keyboard? Imagine this: whatever you are, you're not human, but you're sentient. What would a swizzle stick think about its lot in life, if it could think? What dreams would a nine-iron dream, if it could? Would a brake pedal be happy about being continually stomped on, if it had a choice?

The rules of the game are thus: Write a first-person account of the experiences of any inanimate object of your choice. Be that object -- empathise! Be funny, but keep it clean. As always, quality is a must. We will remove poor entries no matter how much we like you. You will have 5 days for this contest, so make your submissions count.

Word Guideline: 500