...porn, porn, porn…{look, I’ve got a 1.5 GHz Pentium, loads of RAM, enough storage space for the Library of Congress…} ...porn, porn, porn…{could we maybe run a spreadsheet or something…} ...porn, porn…{Hey, how about a nice game of Solitaire…?} ...porn, porn, porn…{oh, my aching processor…}

Ok...there's Sleepy, Happy, Dopey...Roger? No, that can't be right. Sleepy, Happy, Dopey...Bashful, Grumpy, Dan...Daryl...Don...oh forget it! I'll just sew their names on to their shirts.

Whoa!! What are you doing? You can't just pull that out like it's a toy. Aim over here....no, other toilet. Where are you going? Oh, so now you want to see how far you can walk back while still peeing? Your not Michael Jordan you know! See watch....BRICK!

"d4Nf6c4e6Nf3c5d5exd5cxd5d6Nc3g6Nd2Nbd7e4Bg7Be2O-OO-ORe8Qc2 Nh5Bxh5gxh5Nc4Ne5Ne3Qh4Bd2Ng4Nxg4hxg4Bf4Qf6g3Bd7a4b6Rfe1a6Re2 b5Rae1Qg6b3Re7Qd3Rb8axb5axb5b4c4Qd2Rbe8Re3h5R3e2Kh7Re3Kg8R3e2 Bxc3Qxc3Rxe4Rxe4Rxe4Rxe4Qxe4Bh6Qg6Bc1Qb1Kf1Bf5Ke2Qe4+Qe3Qc2+ Qd2Qb3Qd4Bd3+"

Washing Machine - "pleeease let it be sexy lingerie, please please please.....awwww nuts - diapers again."

“What was I thinking?!”

"No more text contests until you wash your hands or at least lick the nacho cheese off your sticky fingers"

The Ford - Fantastic, that stupid man isn't going to be driving today. Great, when she changes gear I really enjoy it. She indicates beautifully. She's actually letting another road user go first! Oh, we're slowing. I'm so happy...aaarrrgggh she's reverse parking. Where's the man? I want the man. Bump.

Alright, get a grip, Katie. I mean, sure, he's a little high strung... And this scientology thing is pretty weird. But, hey, y'know...TOM CRUISE! I mean, c'mon. The bragging rights alone are totally worth it.

Oh well, at least I got my phone call.