Due to your purchases at LOCAL STORE, you are eligible for publication in the International Library of Towel Writings. Thousands of talented towel lovers like yourself have been published. Here are some great submittals by now famous writers:

Towel Haiku:
A towel is for
Drying my face and body
Hurrah it’s so soft

Towel Joke
How many towels does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Thousands - they don’t have arms.

As you can see, you are among some very talented company! For only $290, you can enjoy seeing your name and works in print with our newest publication Throwing in the Towel. We already have all of your billing information, but to make sure we can transfer all of your sales royalties, please send:

Credit Card Number
Social Security Number
Address
Mother’s Maiden Name
A Passport Photo

Thank you and we look forward to making YOU famous!!

Hello my dear friend

I have a many wonderful offer for you. The Nigerian Government has released $10,000,000 worth of finest towels. These are high quality top finish towels normally only for kings, queens and government officials of the best level. Unfortunately these towels will remain in storage unless I secure your happiest help today.

I am able to clear the many and complicated layers of government if I can secure a bond for these finest towels. This bond is only $200.00. If you send me $200.00 today I will clear the towels for release to you. Once you have sold the towels for $10,000,000 I am pleased to ask you send me $1,000,000. To show that I am most honestly dealing with you I will send you 6 towels of the finest quality. Once you have sent me the small bond that is. We have a celebrated deal, yes?

Towagra™ is the new, all natural towel enhancer! In less than 10 minutes, you can enjoy drying off with a larger, firmer, and healthier towel. Every Towagra™ kit includes plenty of thread, needles, and instructions on how to improve the physical size, and functionality of your towel.

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Hi! My name is Mindy, and I’d love to talk to you. My doofus husband is out of town all weekend. And when the cat’s away, the mice get down to business!

And my business is selling sensuous, fluffy, absorbent, 100% cotton bath towels. Not like those scratchy 50% polyester things your dingbat wife bought at Walmart. I know what a man really likes. When you feel my luxuriant linens stroking your skin, you’ll never leave your naughty bits damp again!

My deliciously decadent towels are generously sized and come in sexy pastel colors. Check out my webcam at www.mindytowels.com! I don’t mind the cyberworld seeing me in just a towel since I don’t skimp on the inches when I cut my fabrics. (Though sometimes I grab one of my face towels by mistake – oops!)

Visit me, but act fast – my husband will be back soon!

Hey dude! I haven’t heard from you in a while! How are you and your family doing?! I really miss hearing from you. Please tell everyone back home I said, “Hi”. We’re doing great! Be sure to come see us and spend the night next time you’re in our neck of the woods. We’ll change the sheets for you.

Have you heard about the bath towels that J is selling? They are too cool! They’re only the size of a washcloth, but each can soak up the drippings of 11-15 obese men/women before saturated. Can you believe that?!! J is definitely onto something. After all he’s done for us, especially YOU, we need to support his business.

Connect to www.jsmagictowel.com. and send $150.00 for 1 dozen Magic Towels. J accepts MC & Visa. Cool, huh?! Has he hit the big time, or what?!!!

Your long time friend, D

From: "Tyler Smith" [chang-hunan243879@unsolicitedmail.cn]
To: unsuspecting@victim.net
Subject: Re: towels and you

Good Day,
I have been instructed by my head office to alert you to the fact that your order
has been reviewed and there now are a few potential options for you to consider. We have a large assortment of towels for your consideration, from hand, bath, beach and of course Egyptian cotton. Please note that this issue is time sensitive and that your previous towel situation is not an issue at this time. Confirm your details on our 100% secure form to ensure our records are accurate and we will be in touch within a few days via the method of your choice.

http://www.urasucker.cn/spamtowel.htm

--Tyler Smith
Senior Towel Advisor - TowelCo

Did this reach you in error? Please let us know so you won't receive again:
http://www.urasucker.cn/spammeforever.htm

From: "dryer hands" [2456fds5654zzz@junkmail.com]
To: brilliantcustomer@anymail.com
Subject: >Or~der for looow cost t..owwels acce-pted!

Hello,
We tried contacting you awhile ago about your low costt towe(ls.
You have been selected for our lowest cost in years... We carry ba++th, kitch((en and paper tow^e11s. Any towe*l1s you want, we carry at low, low price\s!
Act now and you could get over $50,000 worth of to~~wels for as little as $6 a month!
Ba(d credit, Bank*ruptcy? Doesn't matter, low rates on to@wels are fixed no matter what!
To get a free, no obli,gation consultation click below:

http://www.ourt0welsarebest.net/bath.asp
Best Regards,
Tom Jones
Dryer Hands, Inc.

to be remov(ed:
http://www.ourt0welsarebest.net/g00d-email-confirmed.asp
this process takes one week, so please be patient. we do our best to take your email/s off but you have to fill out a rem/ove or else you will continue to recieve email/s.

AP-Chicago -- Scientists have confirmed what we have known all along. Water IS DANGEROUS. Lurking in the most private crevices of our homes, carrying filth and disease of all kinds, water has infiltrated our society in a truly frightening way. Water is involved in up to 90%* of all deaths worldwide, and with the widespread availability of enhanced water delivery mechanisms, this number is climbing.

----------------------------

If you aren't afraid of water, then you don't know the truth behind its evil roots. It is up to us, as Americans, to rid the world of this scourge.

ACT NOW! Purchase our ultra-fluffy towels, lovingly embroidered with American flags, to defend our most precious and moist territories.

Remember, you're either with us, or you're damp. Which would you rather be?

(* - estimated)

From: Mr. Towel
Sent: June 30, 2005
To: innocent@mark.com
Subject: She told me you were wet

Dear Mr. Innocent,

It is that time of year again. A time when we all get wet, and just need that oh so very special invention.

Guess what? I know what you're thinking, you don't have big bucks to shell out for that giant blow dryer. Neither do I!

I have something better and more compact to offer you?
Is it a giant blow dryer? NO! It's better, more sleek, more affordable, and best of all - - - all the big hollywood stars are using it.

When I found out about this, I bought one for my mom, my wife, my girlfriend, even my brother!

That's right! You too can own your own beach towel. All for the low, low, price of $179.99 . Be one of the first 20000 and you'll get a second one FREE!

Don't you just plain hate it when you get wet?

I know I hate getting wet for the wrong reasons.

Click here http://www.IamMrTowel.com

Blazing hot summer? Did you know your dog only perspires through his nose! How uncomfortable for your pet. Our solution? TheYourDogKnowsBest™ Nose Towel Unit.

A simple, one-piece harness, containing a battery pack slips over your pet’s haunches, head and muzzle. The flexible muzzle harness not only allows jaw movement, but also holds a state-of-the-art Micro-Motor based on Mercedes Benz's windscreen wiper technology. Activated by heat sensors, the Nose Towel Unit flicks the replaceable towel back and forth, ensuring a sweat-free schnozzle for your beloved pooch. Inverted half-prisms in front your dog’s eyes ensure its vision is directed over the wiper unit. It hardly knows it’s there!

We cater for all sizes, Pekinese to Pit Bull.
Try it, after all-YourDogKnowsBest™. Your pet will love you for it!

P.S. Ask about our Pooch-To-Pediatric Conversion Kit for your kid’s winter time runny-nose blues.