Oh my dear wonderful wife, the horribly vile individuals have once again gained access to our humble abode without breaking a single window, kicking in a door, or any other detectable means and yet they did not take the Television set, the DVD player, the Dolby surround sound system, your mothers china, our wedding silver, any of your jewelry or any of my six hundred and three DVDs, but instead, as usual, went directly for the remote control and without even leaving a ransom note they escaped, thus successfully pulling off the perfect crime, for the fifth time this year.

The other day, around two o’clock in the afternoon, while I was sitting on my bed, I recall it was raining outside; the thunder was rumbling and the trees were waving wildly in the wind, yet, perched upon my window sill, there sat a tiny blue bird with yellow eyes, his feathers streaked with white, singing as though the day were sunny and no clouds were in view even though the sky was grey and gloomy, and in this moment I made a vow: if a tiny blue bird can sing in the rain, well then so could I.

Usually agreeing to keep a secret means nothing more than not volunteering information, however occasionally one is put into a situation beyond one’s control that results in one having to reveal the secret because failing to do so would result in a life threatening situation or possibly creating a situation worse than that that would be created by revealing the situation, and the intensity of this situation is magnified when one understands the effect of revealing this secret and how revealing that secret will impact on one’ s fellow human beings, and so I must reveal this earth shattering secret.

You, our valued employees, are all like family and may or may not be aware that our corporation, our patriarch if you will, is experiencing a time of restructuring that is giving us a chance to implement an immediate, proactive force management program that will allow us to use competitive dynamics and to ensure a workforce adjustment which will bring about a small negative employee retention that will give us the chance to give you all a career change opportunity and assign candidates to a mobility pool, thereby reducing our nonperforming assets while empowering all of us for the better.

It is with great anguish that I hereby accuse all those who enter Worth 1000 contests, be it for photography, photoshop, or indeed text, on the grounds of robbery, murder, and worst of all folly; for not only do these marvelous, magnificent, and utterly stupendous entries steal my time when I’m relaxing at home, but they even dare to capture my attention whilst working by my computer at work, which has in turn led to my work dismissal and the eventual murder of my lovely white cats who had to fend for themselves without their usual tasty nutritious cat-food meal.

This lovely evening brings to mind thoughts of you and how you could always make me smile just by the way you chewed your hair while I watched you from afar, knowing that your thoughts were only of me and how we were destined to be together for ever, no matter what anyone else may have thought, no matter what your parents, now deceased, may have thought, no matter even, what you may had felt, as you begged me to leave you alone, knowing deep down that I would have you for ever, even if only by wearing your flesh!

“…Continuing on with what I was saying, as it appears I was interrupted, though I can't seem to remember what for; though you might remember, seeing as you interrupted me; why must people like you be so rude, what with all the cruelty in the world, can't you even make an effort to be kind to others, such as myself, who are trying to put some good on this planet; though sometimes other people besides myself have important things to say, they can't all be blabbering constantly when I have a statement to make, as I did earlier; continuing on…”

Whilst the colossal speakers and television screens sent his mind-piercing message echoing through the thousands of mystified minds in the crowd, shouting and screaming his sensationalist slogans, he intentionally paused at the most crucial moment, looking into swelling eyes in the crowd, that had just gulped down an entrancing blend of his divine character and what seemed liters of adrenalin that were now coursing through each bloodstream, its effect setting their eyes ablaze with fascination and vulnerability, and unleashing a crushing force towards center stage, giving him the go-ahead to pull the covers off of his newly developed gaming console.

He hiked down the dry, dusty, outback road, his boots making a dull thud with each step, sweat pooling in beads on his forehead, dripping down his dirty face as he prepared to face his adversary, the one the locals called "The Boss" but he had dubbed 'My New Boots" the previous time they had met, the time "The Boss" had claimed his fingers, the scars from that encounter still tender though it had been months ago, the time since spent preparing for today, the day the stranger strolled into town to claim the croc's skin for his new boots.

The other day I just started walking for no reason and went towards the park where there were basketball tryouts but then decided that I wanted to go to the beach instead for there would be some really cute guys there to gawk at and use for mastubatory reasons that evening in my bed using some petroleum jelly and my vivid imagination only recalling the shirtless men who are all with some ridiculously thin bikini covered girls that only want popularity and a macho man when in actuality they may like other men because thats just how life works.