Seen it all? Been everywhere? Well, I can guarantee you haven’t been here!
Trying to find that once in a lifetime getaway? I think we at Worth1000 have found it for you.
This majestic 200 acre getaway is located close to a sprawling city with every convenience known to man. (Simply a 2 hour drive east after an hour of scenic beauty north)
Tired of feeling your children don’t appreciate what they have? Bring them here and they’ll never complain again! Never hear another whiny “I want”.
How much would you pay for that?
Well for a low down payment of $4,000.00 and monthly installments of $300.00 (It’s less than your car payment) for 2 years. You and your family can and will experience a once in a lifetime opportunity. (Health certificates signed and notarize by your physician are mandatory with registration)
I guarantee an experience you’ll be telling friends about for years. (Life expectancy not guaranteed. Refunds at sole discretion of proprietor, when he’s found).
Your vacation starts as your plane touches down at a private airport close to your destination. Before your plane taxi’s up to its gate a stewardess will pop a side emergency hatch, releasing the emergency chute. She’ll hand you a backpack and help you disembark. (Remember, tuck and roll as the plane will be moving.)
Next, your to run straight for the nearest fence opening. (You don’t need a passport for this vacation delight.) If no fence opening, wire cutters are located in backpack. (Don’t lose the backpack!)
Once the shooting stops and you no longer hear dogs howling (I told you it was a private airport.) remove map from backpack and adjust your path to that directed on the map. (Compass provided.)
Their luscious property offers many learning experiences and as I don’t wish to ruin your surprise and delight as your children and spouse learn fortitude and strengthen weakened muscles, I’ll only mention a few of the great attractions you’ll get to experience.
Forests and meadows, mountains and streams, you’ll get to see more in nature in this one vacation than you could possible see in a lifetime of vacations. Cross alligator infested waterways. Grow closer as a family as you strive to survive and keep everyone alive. Watch as wayward teens with attitudes hug you and tremble in fear, looking to you to bring them out in one piece. Never again will they question your curfews or ask you “How come I can’t?” (You’ll find a camera in the backpack for taking pictures to show to their friends.)
Meet Magzon. He’ll stalk you and your family through the forest and try to lead you down dangerous paths. Work together to thwart his attempts at breaking you up.
Avoid quicksand, vampire bats, mosquitos as big as Denver.
Learn to hunt, skin and cook what you kill. Never again will a child whine “We’re having that again?” at the dinner table.
This is one vacation you’ll never forget!
Even if you wanted to!!