Acme Poisonous Industries
ATTN: Complaint Department
To whom it may concern,
I would like to start by saying that I’ve used your Acme Rat Poison in the past with no problems what so ever. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on your product over the years. However, as of lately your product has failed me horribly. As a matter of fact, it has totally ruined my life. If your company doesn’t come up with a settlement quickly after receiving this letter, I’ll have no choice but to seek legal help in pressing charges for restitution.
On the side of the container that you package the rat poison in there reads a warning stating that the product is fatal if swallowed. This is false advertising. I fed this to my wife for over a month and she never died. The only thing it did to her was make her sick enough to seek medical attention. In doing so, they found traces of the poison and sentenced me to life in prison for attempted murder.
I’ve lost everything due to your companies negligence. I had a fool proof plan in which a jury should have no problem agreeing. Due to your misleading warning label, I now have three cell mates that like to cuddle every night. Every time I bend over in the shower to get the soap I’m reminded in a BIG way of how your product failed me.
I’ll give your company approximately two weeks to come up with a settlement and no more. In the future I suggest that you change the warning labels on the packages so this doesn’t happen again. It’s not a very pleasant experience. I’ll be waiting your reply.
P.S.
There’s a lot of rats where I’m currently living. If at all possible, could you please enclose a few packages of your Acme Rat Poison with your return letter.
Paul Logan
State Penitentiary