Deer Mr Hiring Man,
I came to yer place of bizness the other day and ya’ll didn’t treat me real good. I wanted me a job, but you wouldint let me have one. Im a durn hard worker. I have told good things about your companie to my family and to my frends for meny meny years now. Theres been a couple of times, well probably a bunch of times, that I stole stuff from ya’ll. I am real sorry for that - it wont happen agin. I promise deep in my heart to pay back the money it costed you from my evil stealin ways. If you give me a job it shure will help me to pay off my sins toward yer good companie a bunch faster. Ive since come to know the lord and pray all the time. I am a full cristian now and follower of the lord jesus crist these days. You say yer a cristian companie, but you dont ackt like it. As a cristian myself it makes me awful mad and downrite angry the way you treated me that day I came there to git job. I want to kill you. Im planning on it. Start shakin! I dont like that you looked at my missing leg with ugly eyes. I’m not the only one on this earth that is missing a leg and one eye - sometimes two. If yer a cristian too you should over look my missing parts and no that I am a good man that would do a good job working in your fine companie! You are real bad man. I have a mind to soo you for not hiring me - after I kill you! Im gonna call a lawyer when I git threw riting this letter. I mean it deep in my heart! I cant help that my leg got shot off at a family reunion! I was rite and momma wuz rong!!! (Pleaze dont read local newspapers from June 1st - June 9th of last year az they mite warp yer percepitcation in seeing me for the law abiding citicen that I am. It was all lyes!) As for my missing eye(s) Id really like to not have to splain that mishap(s). I still cry when I think back on that day and sorta laugh in an odd jiggyly way. Momma was once again wrong, and she was even extra more wrong for gitting grandma involved. Anyways I should have got a job at your bizness! I diserve it! Its my American right! I got to end this letter so that i can go call my aturnee lahyer man that nose a bunch of things about the law. Your in BIG trouble mister!! It even says so on the man’s comershal! I would make one heck of soopervisory construkshun man. I got a good eye for detale and got real good peeple skills. This is YER loss!! Sea you in court!!
Love, Delbert R. Smith