To Whom it May Concern,
I was recently displeased when I received in my electronic mail inbox an unsolicited advertisement for your product. However, since I currently find myself in the market for services such as yours, I set aside my irritation and read what you had to say. Unfortunately, I must say that I did so against my better judgment.
I am shocked - SHOCKED! - to report that your advertisement copy is rife with grammatical mistakes, typographical errors and grievous offenses against that most innocent and long-suffering of punctuation marks, the apostrophe.
That this once-great nation is today in such a sorry state is directly attributable to grade-school dropouts such as yourself who wouldn't recognize a comma splice if one beat you over the head with you're own keyboard.
I invite you to re-read the preceding sentence and identify for me, if you can, the deliberate mistake I included in order to demonstrate my point. I am sure you will agree that, if read literally, my attack against your education (or pitiful lack thereof) makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER! You must interpret the markings on the page and attempt to give them meaning, and if we are both fortunate you will arrive at the same devastating insult I intended.
The rules of written English were devised to limit such capacity for misunderstanding. If we had both abided by them, you would, even now, be reeling from my almost palpable hit against your microscopic literacy level, and I just might be addressing you as the future supplier of the goods and services I currently require.
As it stands, I have grave philosophical, ethical and yea, even spiritual problems with the very contemplation of purchasing from an imbecilic simian such as yourself, a dictionary.
I naturally expect you to kindly remove my contact details from your mailing list forthwith, and further propose that our correspondence end here.
I remain angrily yours, etc.