Outraged zoo employee’s found with stolen animals.
Zoo employees fired due to lack of city funding during last months budget review, were found in possession of the animals reported stolen from the Anihiam Public Zoo on Thursday.
Police tracked animal feces throughout the city in the hunt to find the culprits.Rotund piles lined city streets for blocks after the capture, as bulldozers were brought in to help clear the roadways.
Zoologist and curator for the Anihiam Public Zoo, Dr. Carrion, informed this newspaperman that he had told the police that, “Animals are not very particular about where they go and since we don’t keep fifty-five gallon drums on wheels within the zoo, the disgruntled employees had no choice but to let the dung drop where it would.” He added, “Thank goodness it didn’t rain as the forecast had said it would. I do believe they (the ex-employees of the zoo) had been counting on a clean getaway.”
After the arrests, the police questioned several of the ex-employees about why they had stolen the animals. Mark Harmem, ex-zookeeper and self proclaimed mouth piece for the group said, “It seemed like a good idea at the time. If the city can’t afford us, how could they ever afford to feed the animals? We were doing them a favor!”
He continued when asked about the damages done at the zoo by saying, “We hadn’t thought about the front gate turnstiles until we were taking Houdini (The zoo’s Asian elephant.) through. We didn’t do it! It wasn’t our fault. It was after Spotty (The zoo’s giraffe ) stepped over the turnstile , Houdini just tried to follow and got tangled up and fell on it. If we’d known what would happen, we would’ve left Houdini behind. As it was, after the turnstile accident, well, we just couldn’t seem to calm his upset stomach. They’ll be cleaning the streets for weeks because of him and us and we’re sorry, honest we are, I mean, we live here too.”
Dr. Carrion, during a public news release stated, “The police have found the animals and they have all safely been returned to the zoo. And the city streets should be clean again after a good rain.”
In next weeks edition: Look here for updates on local gardening tips and how to add elephant dung into your gardening plans.