AP Turkey - Angry demonstrators continue to obstruct a lunatic’s quest to save God’s creations. Or so that lunatic claims.
His name is Noah and apparently he is on a mission from God. Noah claims that the Lord has warned him of an inevitable cataclysmic flood that will destroy every living species. Everything that is except for himself, his family and a ship full of confused creatures. Most onlookers believe that it is not just the creatures that seem to be confused! Noah’s mission involves collecting a male and female of each species in the animal kingdom and herding them onboard a giant ark in order to prevent their extinction.
The noise and stench from this menagerie is practically unbearable and is causing quite the uproar among local residents. An interviewed protester who calls himself Doubting Thomas ranted, “Come hell or high water, that ark is out of here!”
The undertaking of this incredible feat is quite extraordinary. The animals are divided by sex into two queues that work their way towards a set of turnstiles at the base of the gangplank. These turnstiles have counters to ensure an even number of animals board. What these turnstiles do not successfully do is ensure that same sex couples are not admitted. Unconfirmed reports claim that a pair of male unicorns were admitted unnoticed. Anonymous sources vow this is phase one of a sabotage campaign set in motion by the irate locals, and that the chimeras and jackalopes are also targeted.
Last evening as the final animals were approaching the turnstile, a rather rotund male hippopotamus got stuck in the revolving arms of the counting machine. After many hours of futile attempts to rescue him, a welcome storm cloud burst overhead and the ensuing rain helped to lubricate the wedged animal. What finally freed the exhausted hippo was a well-placed kick by the stately giraffes that were patiently waiting next in line.
As the rain continued through the night, the last animals boarded the vessel. Noah declined interviews and ignored the deluge of questions from the gathering reporters. He did however make a brief proclamation from the bow of the third deck of his monstrous ark. “Repent for the end of the world is nigh!” A hush fell over the crowd when Noah’s wife appeared and whispered something into his ear. With a loud crack of thunder as if on cue, Noah spoke in a booming voice, “Oh, and the wicked sinners responsible for castrating my griffin owe me a replacement!” It appears that the sabotage campaign is continuing.