If it were up to me vending machines would be more like game shows.
1. Upon inserting their money the consumer would be greeted with a snappy theme song, dazzling spotlight motions and the voice of Rod Roddy (RIP) announcing that it's time for Secret Snack Surprise!
2. Fat Gram Bidding is the first round, where consumers try to guess which of three different bags of chips has the least nutritional value.
3. JunkFood Jackpot is next, a game of chance! Pull the lever and try to line up three of the same goodies in a row! But watch out for those darn raisins or you'll go bust!
4. Let's Make A Deal-A-Meal! Consumer, you can walk away wih this lovely bag of Bugles OR you can trade it for what's behind Door Number 1! Could be a brownie... but it might be an apple! You make the call!
5. No consumer walks away empty handed! Every participant, whether or not he or she is a big winner, walks away with a complimentary granola bar and a laminated copy of the new USDA Food Pyramid!