“Did you hear about the new guy?”
“No! What new guy?”
Walnut looked suspiciously around the room before he waved everyone over. “Well, I heard the new guy may replace quite a few of us.”
“New guy? Ha!” Remarked Pecan. “There’s no such thing as a new guy.” He turned to walk away.
“No, really! I heard there’s a new guy!” Walnut tried to find support in the crowd.
Almond, who was much more respected around the office, decided to join the conversation. “Yea, I heard about the new guy, too.” He stated matter-of-factly.
“What?” Pecan asked incredulously. “There can’t be a new guy! They know about every nut from every tree in the world”
“Hybrid.” Came the quick reply.
Several of the other nuts hung their heads in disbelief. Murmurs of “genetic freak”, “damn scientist”, and other comments could be heard. The crowd quickly grew as everyone in the office gathered to hear the news.
Almond continued. “It seems some scientist got a few of us, bred us together, threw some sort of hocus-pocus for good measure, and created a new nut that is larger, better tasting, and – believe it or not – able to be eaten by those with allergies”
At what most would consider a very inopportune time, Peanut rounded the corner with a very worried look on his face. “Guys, we’ve got an emergency meeting in the board room in 5 minutes.” Gasps could be heard through the crowd.
“What’s going on?” Walnut exclaimed. “This is crazy!”
“Crazy? You want to know crazy?” Peanut yelled. “They fired my uncle! Yea, the spokesman for Planters for the past 90 years is now in the unemployment line!”
Fear radiated from Walnut’s eyes as he quietly asked, “Who’s replacing him?”
Peanut shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s classified.”
“Come on, guys.” Almond quietly said. “Let’s get to the board room.”
Walking slowly and whispering amongst themselves, all the nuts slowly filed into to board room. The room was small, but they were all used to packing into tight containers. There seemed to be a little more room once everyone settled.
The room grew quiet as Big Nut walked in. He looked tired and beaten.
“I’m sure you’ve all heard the rumors,” he started. “I’m here to tell you that they are true.”
He looked around the room until he saw Peanut. “I know your upset about your uncle, but there’s more bad news. We’ve just received a fax from Mars, Inc. I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’ve lost the Snickers contract.”
The board room erupted in disbelief. Peanut sat down as tears fell from his eyes.
“Quiet!” the Big Nut yelled. “There’s more.”
Immediately the room once again became tense. The only sounds were the quiet sobs from Peanut.
The Big Nut continued. “Pecan, it seems you’ve lost the Pecan Pie. Almond, Hershey called and has discontinued both the Hershey Bar with Almonds and the Almond Joy. Walnut, you’ve lost Christmas Fudge.”
“Who is replacing us?” Peanut said between sobs.
The Big Nut paused for a second. “Your replacement is also going to take my place as the CEO. As of today, I’m no longer the boss.” He looked around the room for what might have been the last time. “I want you to meet the new Big Nut and the nut that will be replacing you…”
----------------------------
“…and that’s when he walked in the door. I really didn’t get a good look at him before Almond jumped him.” Cashew looked at the judge, “Do I really have to?”
“I know it’s hard, but please continue.” The judge replied.
“It’s just that Almond was always the sane one around the office. You know, the voice of reason.” Cashew continued. “When he jumped the new guy, it’s like he lost his mind. Pieces of shell flew across the room. It was horrible; the maniacal laughter, that crazy look in his eye. I’ve never seen him like that before. The thought of losing his only two contracts must have been too much.”
“Thank you.” The judge stated. “You may step down.”
After Cashew left the stand, the judge looked at the pitiful nut in the plaintiff’s chair. “After hearing the testimony of all the witnesses, I hereby find Almond incompetent to stand trail.”