It was a dark night as Han Dee made his way back to his starship. Han Dee was a Bounty Hunter who tracked down demons and other creatures that were out of their sector. Most people just called him the Handyman. He was the one they hired when robots would become self aware and try to take over the world or when the little purple dinosaurs known as Eyeluvewes would go on crazed eating sprees and devour every dog, cat, rabbit, fox or moose it could find. Han Dee was the one every being, human or otherwise, would call for help. But this particular mission was different. It was unlike anything he was ever asked to do. “Find the mystic crystal. Sure, no problem,” Han thought to himself. When King Phaeton asked him to accomplish this one task he thought to himself how easy it would be. King Phaeton explained to him how the crystal gives life to his otherwise doomed garden.
Accustomed to hunting down wicked creatures, with more teeth than a great white shark and usually ten times his size, this one mission would be a piece of cake. However, after searching seven different planets his patience was wearing thin. But it was on the seventh planet that he found out from a Kranta, a small elf like creature with tentacle eyes and a big smile from ear to ear, that the crystal was being guarded by an angry banshee that dwells on planet Aroma in the Bermuda Sector. That was why no man had attempted to recover the crystal. The Bermuda Sector was named after the famous bermuda triangle for the very same reason... nothing had ever returned from that sector.
This banshee was no regular banshee. It was nothing like the typical text book banshees that Han learned about in Bounty Hunting 101. This banshee reeked of stale meatloaf and loved to listen to Michael Bolton.
Upon hearing this news, Han immediately set off for the Bermuda Sector. The injustice of Michael Bolton music broadcasting across the universe had to be stopped perhaps more so than obtaining the crystal. Sure the crystal keeps King Phaeton’s garden growing healthy and strong, but the thought of Michael Bolton fans spreading across the galaxy angered the young bounty hunter. He could not let this go on. He would be the first to return from the Bermuda Sector. He would snag the life giving crystal for delicious fruits and vegetables and stop the music of Michael Bolton from spreading like a disease off of the planet earth.
After speaking to the Kranta, Han boarded his ship and set off into space. The journey was rough. After traveling past the three moons of Grando, he started to pick up a faint signal. He felt that someone was desperately trying to tell or ask him something. The signal was pegged with static. Han ran to the communication dock to enhance the signal he was receiving. Quietly he sat, anticipating the incoming signal...listening as the broadcast was channeled throughout his entire spacecraft. At first, he could pick out single words, ”How...I...supposed...to...all...living...is gone.”
The pit of Han’s stomach started to churn. “Devastation has hit a civilization. I wasn’t fast enough to save them,” he thought. Just as Han was about to let himself sink into a deep despair, the signal came back stronger than ever!
“Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you? How am I supposed to carry on when all that I’ve been living for is gone?”
When Han heard this, he knew he was close to the banshee. The anger swept over him. He grabbed his battle gear: double-edged cyber sword; proton grenade launcher with triple action multi-missle launcher; single assault hand cannon; MP3/ATRAC3 CD Walkman Player with ship accessories; and Prodigy’s What Evil Lurks album. The only way to overpower the banshee is to overwhelm her with music that will paralyze her. Just before he went in to the Battle of Bolton, Han made a quick visit to the lavatory. Just then a cry throughout his ship could be heard, “Why isn’t there ever any toilet paper in here?!?”