“You know how I've always wanted to be an artist? I thought I would try teaching to raise money for better supplies to cast my porcelain penguins. But I can't afford to finish art school!"
“I thought it was all over until I saw this ad in Craigslist the other day-- someone is looking for an art teacher for drawing classes at a local shopping mall. They don't even require a teaching certificate! The only catch is, they require a commitment to the Church of Scientology."
“I don't know that I believe in that hocus-pocus... But I need that job! To prove I'm committed, I want to match the contributions Tom Cruise gave them. And since you are the only person I know who could do that, I was wondering if you could help me out? All those magic powers he acquired would surely help with my art as well!”