It was a lazy Sunday afternoon when Toucan Sam had a
great idea. He had been swimming with his nephews in the
nearby rainbow pond, but they couldn’t think of anything
else to do.
“I’ve got an idea, boys!” said Toucan Sam, flashing a
grin that, for just one second, seemed less-than-
wholesome. The nephews looked at each other for a brief
second, but quickly put their disease to rest and
listened to Uncle Toucan’s idea with eager eyes. “But we
can’t do it here; it’s gotta be in private.”
“Why’s that, uncle Toucan?” asked one of the four
youngsters.
“Because it’s super-secret, super-special, and super-
nobody else deserves to know! Think, one bowl of Froot
Loops; now, think one hundred bowls. Now think of
something far better than any amount of Froot Loops!”
The boys were too excited to notice their uncle’s
suspicious behavior. Toucan Sam beckoned them into the
house and upstairs into his room.
“What’re we gonna do up here, uncle?” asked one of the
nephews, eager to find out what was going to happen.
“Well, boy, we’re going to play a game called Candy
Keeper. I’ve got quite a bit of candy in this closet
behind me, but I am the candy keeper, and I decide
whether you get it or not,” he explained.
“Uncle, can I have some candy?” asked one of the nephews.
“Hahaha, it’s not that simple, nephew!” laughed
Sam. “We need to make a bargain here; I’m not just going
to give my candy away!”
“I… I don’t have any money,” the nephew answered.
“Why, I don’t want your money! No, no, no, no!
Certainly not! But, I think I could give you some candy
if you gave me… your pants.”
“I don’t know, uncle Toucan,” said one nephew. “I just
don’t know.”
“It’s fine!” reasoned Sam. “All good boys give up their
pants for their uncles! You’re all good little boys,
right?” The boys began to back towards the door.
Sam held his plumage against it, however, keeping them
from leaving. One of the boys let out a shout of fright.
“It could have been simple. But now, I’ve got to use the
rope,” said Sam, his eyes narrowing into slits of
twisted desire. As his hand lowered on one of the boys’
shoulders, the window flung open. They all turned to see
what had happened.
“You’ll go cuckoo for four accounts of attempted rape of
a minor!” shouted Sonny, aiming a colt .45 between the
huge, shocked eyes of Sam. A swat team flooded in the
room behind him.
Toucan Sam was sentenced to forty years in a maximum-
security institution, while the boys were sentenced to
four banana splits for a very scary day.